


Eternal Eclipse

by missingnowrites



Series: Children of the Dawn [1]
Category: Rooster Teeth/Achievement Hunter RPF
Genre: Alternate Universe - Gods & Goddesses, Alternate Universe - Sky Factory, Amnesia, Angst, Angst and Feels, Betrayal, Blood Mage!Jeremy, Blood Magic, Cults, Dark God!Ryan, Drama & Romance, Eventual threesome M/M/M, Grief/Mourning, Jealousy, M/M, Memory Loss, Multi, Pining, Reincarnation, Religious Imagery & Symbolism, Ritual Sacrifice, Rituals, Solar Queen!Gavin, Temporary Character Death, Virgin Sacrifice, blood sacrifice, relationship drama
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-11
Updated: 2020-09-10
Packaged: 2021-03-03 04:54:42
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 12
Words: 53,609
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24429082
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/missingnowrites/pseuds/missingnowrites
Summary: The Solar Queen is dead, long may the Dark God reign!For a century now the world has been covered in eternal darkness, ever since the Dark God killed the sun. But while Ryan is busy grieving, Jeremy hatches a plan to set things right...
Relationships: Jeremy Dooley/Gavin Free/Ryan Haywood, Past Gavin Free/Ryan Haywood, one-sided Jeremy Dooley/Gavin Free, one-sided Jeremy Dooley/Ryan Haywood
Series: Children of the Dawn [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1903639
Comments: 119
Kudos: 128





	1. Prologue: Forget My Name

**Author's Note:**

> M for Mature themes like death and blood rituals, no smut in this fic! And the Major Character Death happens in the prologue. If you're worried about any of the other tags, feel free to ask me in the comments or on tumblr and I will clarify! I'm also putting up specific chapter warnings where necessary. If there's anything you think I should add to the tags, let me know and I'll see if it fits! <3
> 
> This story has been in the works since *forever* it feels like. I remember talking with friends about some of this while the Sky Fact 3 series was still airing. It was originally inspired by Jos' "Blood Moon", before she posted the second chapter. I couldn't stop thinking about what I thought would happen, and then decided to do my own version of it. As always, it took some time for me to get to it and it has grown much since then xD so I hope people are still interested!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Solar Queen is dead, long may the Dark God reign.
> 
> OR. The day Gavin dies, he takes all light with him, leaving the world in darkness. But Jeremy has a plan.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _How dark the night, how deep your pain_  
>  _The hurt you feel will never be in vain_  
>  _You raised me high into the sun_  
>  _Live in the past if there's no moving on_
> 
> _There is no fight, just destiny_  
>  _No one to blame, to set your sorrow free_  
>  _New hope will come, you'll find a way_  
>  _Wish me farewell, there's nothing else to say_
> 
> _Forget my name_  
>  _Forget my name_  
>  _And let me die_
> 
> \- Forget My Name by Beyond the Black

“I didn’t mean to.” Ryan’s breathing hitched as he cradled the body close to his chest. “I swear, I never intended for this-”

A hand rose to cup his face, shaky and ashen.

“I know, my love.” Gavin smiled, a pale imitation of his usual brilliance. “It’s okay.”

“It’s _not._ ” Ryan’s grip tightened. He blinked away tears that threatened to take away his vision, determined to burn this moment into his memory. Gavin’s skin dimmed rapidly, turning pallid and sallow, a ghastly grey as he lost his inner light. It was too late. There was no way to save him now.

A sob broke free from his throat.

“It’s my fault,” Ryan confessed, bowing his head over Gavin’s dying body. “Me and my stupid inventions. If I hadn’t-” He swallowed, pressing his forehead to Gavin’s, meeting his eyes. “If only I had restrained my ambition.”

“Ry, you’re not stupid, Ry,” Gavin admonished him. “And neither are your inventions. You brought humans wonder-”

His smile twisted and Gavin turned his head away, falling into a coughing fit. Blood splattered over his hand, and Gavin stared at it for a long moment, the golden liquid nearly consumed with black. Ryan’s gut twisted at the sight, proof of the rot he’d brought into the world. The rot that was eating the light of his life inside out, destroying everything he loved.

“I was arrogant. I thought I knew better.” Ryan closed his eyes and wrapped his arms around Gavin. “I just had to win the competition. I could not cede victory to you, my love. And for that, you paid the price.”

“Ryan…”

Gavin’s voice grew weaker, his words sluggish. A vice clenched around Ryan’s heart, tightening. It was time.

“I love you,” Ryan whispered desperately. He brushed their cheeks together, lips touching Gavin’s ear. “I love you, Gavin- I love you so much. I’m sorry, I’m so sorry my love-”

“Love you,” Gavin breathed, a sigh on the wind. His last breath.

Ryan sobbed, shaking as he held his love close. Above them, dark clouds filled the red sky, blocking out the dusk. Rain fell down in torrents, drenching Ryan and the world below to the bone, hiding the tears sliding down his face.

“I’m sorry, I’m so sorry,” Ryan wept, cries muffled against Gavin’s still body, cooling under his touch. “Don’t leave me.”

There was no one to answer the prayer of a god, however, and he was left alone under the pouring rain with merely a corpse. Gavin’s body lay lifeless in his arms, the glow of divinity faded from his skin. He didn’t know how long he sat there, brushing dark locks out of the familiar face, wondering at how different they were in death to the brightness of life. Hazel eyes had lost all traces of gold, staring sightlessly up at the dark sky. Not a single star remained behind. They all followed the sun into obsolescence.

“Ryan?”

With a shaky hand, he reached up and closed Gavin’s eyes.

“Hey buddy.” A hand landed on his shoulder, and Ryan glanced up at Jeremy. Brown eyes watched him with sympathy. “You should go inside. It’s raining.”

A laugh escaped Ryan’s throat at the statement, rough and humorless. As if something so silly and ridiculously _normal_ mattered. Nothing mattered. Not anymore.

“It’s not like I’m going to catch a cold.” Ryan shrugged off his hand, turning his gaze back to what once used to be Gavin.

“You can’t sit out here forever,” Jeremy cajoled him, crouching down next to him. “C’mon. It’s warm inside. Gavin wouldn’t have wanted for you to waste away out here.”

“ _Gavin_ is _dead_. He’s gone, vanished, never to return! And I _can’t bring him back!_ ” Ryan shouted, his head snapping around to glare at Jeremy. Jeremy raised his hands in surrender, and Ryan’s expression crumbled. He closed his eyes and ducked his head. “It’s my fault, and I can’t even bring him back.”

“No,” Jeremy agreed quietly, an odd note to his tone, “you can’t.”

Ryan slumped, carefully lowering Gavin’s body to the soft earth. He pulled off his cloak, dark velvet like the night sky, and spread it over Gavin. The tiny dots of silver to signify the stars were dark from the rain, and the sight filled Ryan with an incomprehensible grief.

“Watch as the sun is laid to rest. Remember this day, when light last shone. It is vanquished in a dark embrace.”

The words tumbled from his lips with the finality of a death bell. A chill ran down Ryan’s spine as it rang, like a prophecy coming to a close. Jeremy helped him up, taking his weight as his legs threatened to give out from under him.

“Come on, buddy,” Jeremy murmured, turning him away from Gavin’s final resting place. “The others are waiting.”

“What will I tell them?” Ryan asked, faltering after the first step. “I-”

“They know.” Jeremy grimaced. “We all knew the moment he…”

He trailed off, and they continued in silence. The sheets of rain obscured their vision completely, and they’d almost reached the lad pad by the time it became visible. Ryan froze at the sight. Jeremy tried dragging him another step before stopping and turning to look at him.

“There… there needs to be a funeral,” Ryan muttered, avoiding Jeremy’s eyes.

“We’ll take care of it,” Jeremy promised, reaching out and squeezing his shoulder. “ _I’ll_ take care of it, of everything. You just come in and rest.”

For a heartbeat, Ryan didn’t budge, staring back into the distant darkness where they’d left Gavin’s dead body. Then, he turned and followed Jeremy. The door to the pad opened as they got closer to reveal Jack’s worried face.

“Ryan.”

Ryan swallowed. “Jack.”

The other god mustered him with an unreadable expression, before pushing the door open wide to let him in. Ryan stepped inside, relief taking a weight off his shoulders. Thus distracted, he didn’t notice the look passing between the others, or that Jeremy remained outside.

All he could think about was the empty space in their pantheon, the place Gavin used to fill.

* * *

They gathered at Jeremy’s altar under the cover of darkness. Not that _that_ was hard. The world had remained without light since Gavin’s death, neither sun nor stars existing any longer. They were Gavin’s creations, and as such were lost with him, nothing left to give them life. 

It hadn’t stopped raining, either, but Jeremy suspected that was due to their combined grief.

Gavin’s lifeless form laid on top of the altar, frozen still. His face was grey, ashen, and his vibrant clothes had lost all colour. It was eerie, seeing him like this. Gavin was never silent nor still, always flitting about and nattering away. The pang of grief only served to steel Jeremy’s resolve.

“Are you sure this will work?” Jack asked quietly. Jeremy hesitated. He wanted to reassure him, all of them, too aware Michael and Lindsay were listening closely. But…

“I’m not sure,” Jeremy admitted, avoiding their eyes. He swallowed. “It has to.”

None of them objected when Jeremy stepped forward, raising a vial full of black tar. Specks of gold shimmered in the viscous substance.

“Divine blood, spilled without permission,” Jeremy intoned as he tipped the vial over. Black dripped onto Gavin’s forehead, crawling its way down his face, leaving behind a dark trail. It looked as if his skin had cracked into fine spiderwebs. “A life taken, a life given.”

Then he stepped back, giving Michael a nod. The god walked up next to him and held out a fist. His sparkling pink armour illuminated their faces.

“The magic spark with which all life starts,” Michael said, opening his hand. Pink pixie dust sprinkled over Gavin’s chest, sinking into his clothes. A faint hum filled the air. “Given with full knowledge of what will follow.”

He stepped back and Jack took his place. 

“Where life is cut short, new life will grow,” he murmured, placing an ear of corn on the altar above Gavin’s head. “Given in faith of what it will become.”

Next was Lindsay. She turned over Gavin’s hand and set a sugar glaze donut in his palm.

“Food for the journey, specifically baked for the task.” She grinned half-heartedly. “You will need the energy.”

Michael snorted quietly behind her. And then it was Geoff’s turn. He held up a blue egg.

“The symbol of new life, sacrificed-” He broke the egg and instead of yolk, blue feathers fluttered down, covering Gavin’s legs. “-a life taken too soon to revive another.”

They stood in silence, a half circle around the altar bearing Gavin’s still body covered in their offerings. The ritual wasn’t finished, however. They were missing one vital ingredient.

“What of Ryan?” Michael asked, anger reverberating through his voice. Gavin’s death had hit him hard.

“We agreed not to tell him,” Jack pointed out calmly. “The way he is right now… it’s for the best.”

Jeremy closed his eyes. Ryan’s grief hung over them like a cloud, tasting like ash in the back of his mouth. There was no guarantee this would work. And if it did, how long would it take? Jeremy couldn’t bear to give Ryan false hope.

“But don’t we need an offering from each of us?” Geoff chimed in, a frown on his face.

“I’ve got it,” Jeremy murmured. He opened his eyes and stepped forward, pulling out another vial. He poured the shimmery, translucent liquid carefully over each of Gavin’s eyes, and three drops unto his chest. “Tears shed in true regret, to unmake the mistake of the past.”

“Ryan’s tears?” Jack inquired quietly. Jeremy nodded grimly, and the tension seeped out of the group.

“He didn’t even notice me when I collected them,” Jeremy admitted, locking eyes with Michael. Michael pressed his lips together into a thin line, but nodded, taking a step back.

“Will it work, if they are of loss instead of regret?” Lindsay asked curiously, glancing over Jeremy’s shoulder at Gavin. Jeremy grit his teeth.

“They are of regret,” he insisted. He let out a shuddery breath. “The odds of this ritual working are even. And it’s only the beginning - there will be a long journey ahead of Gavin if he wishes to return.” Jeremy swallowed and pushed Lindsay away. “There is one last offering to be made.”

They all stepped back to a respectful distance, wary of their closeness interfering but unwilling to go far. Jeremy stepped up to the altar, his eyes gliding over Gavin’s still face. His heart hammered in his throat as he reached out and tilted his chin up. This, he thought dimly, was another reason Ryan couldn’t be present during the ritual. He wasn’t sure if the other would allow what needed to happen.

Steeling himself, Jeremy bowed over Gavin’s face and pressed their lips firmly together.

 _I gift thee divine breath_ , he thought as he opened his mouth, using his fingers to pry Gavin’s open as well. _Come, sacred soul, and return to the celestial body._

Off in the distant skies, a star glimmered to life, before being swallowed by a dark cloud.

* * *


	2. Lost In Forever

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Solar Queen is dead, long may the Dark God reign!
> 
> OR Gavin wishes he could just belong, unaware of the dangers around him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _Is this a nightmare_  
>  _Am I in someone else's dream_  
>  _Give me a soul to redeem_
> 
> _Is this the after_  
>  _An ever endless world of pain_  
>  _To drive the faithful insane_
> 
> \- Lost In Forever by Beyond The Black

Long ago when little fires lit up the sky at night and the sun chased away the darkness each morning, the world existed in a precarious balance. For eons, humanity lived under the divine struggle as night and day fought for dominance. But then came the day where the Dark God tricked the Solar Queen. Three times he tricked her, stealing a piece of her light each time.

“Come,” said the Dark God, voice smooth like honey. “I have a gift for you, Solar Queen.”

And the Solar Queen followed in all her golden splendor because at heart she was a prideful being. Her golden carriage was drawn by seven steeds white and fluffy like clouds, and each wheel was made of one solid colour of the rainbow. You see, for the rainbow was the banner of light that trailed behind the Solar Queen during her travels.

The Dark God led the Queen to a barren field where a large, gray building stood. It was as huge as any temple and clearly dedicated to the Dark God by his followers.

“This is clearly dedicated to you, Dark God,” said the Solar Queen. She was miffed since the Dark God had lied to her.

“Certainly, it was made by my worshippers,” the Dark God allowed, a secretive smile on his lips. “But I assure you, they mean to dedicate it to you. Look.”

And he waved at the building from which heat radiated like a small sun.

“Impossible!” said the Solar Queen. “How did they manage such?”

“Ingenuity, my dear,” said the Dark God, looking rather smug. “I gave them the knowledge they craved, and they decided to prove they could capture your warmth, if not your beauty, in a joint temple to the two of us.”

And the Solar Queen accepted the gift, flattered that the Dark God would share his worship with her. But as night came, dark smoke rose from the chimneys and darkened the sky until none of the stars were visible.

This was the first of three times the Dark God tricked the Solar Queen.

* * *

“Gavin? Gavin!”

Gavin blinked his eyes open. A single candle illuminated the small room he sat in, legs crossed and back to the wall. There were no windows, the walls made of smooth stone and the room empty aside from four carpets surrounding a small altar upon which the candle sat.

“There you are,” the familiar voice continued, sounding out of breath. “I’ve been looking for you everywhere!”

Gavin looked up and met brown eyes, gleaming in the flickering candlelight. Worry creased his friend’s forehead, emphasized by the lack of hair on his head.

“Sorry,” Gavin offered sheepishly, scratching the back of his neck. “I, uh. I think I fell asleep during meditation.”

“Again?” his friend asked, exasperated. He dropped down on the opposite prayer mat with a huff. “What, are you not getting enough sleep?”

The way he phrased it sounded very off-hand, almost accusing, but Gavin sensed the concern underlying his friend’s words. He smiled. It was true enough, after all.

“I’m fine, Jeremy.” Gavin stretched, his spine popping. He grimaced. Sitting still so long never sat quite right with him. “Well, mostly. It’s just boring, innit?”

“What, meditating?” Jeremy shrugged. “I guess you get used to it.” At Gavin’s crestfallen look, he quickly added, “Don’t worry, you’ve not been at this for long yet. You’ll get it one day.”

Gavin sighed, ducking his head. It was always the same reassurance - one day, one day, one day. His nails bit into the skin of his palms. As if he needed more reminders that he was the eternal newbie, not even an acolyte yet, despite living at the temple for _years_ now. But he knew what Jeremy would say if he brought it up - that most acolytes have been raised at the temple from a young age and it took them years to master all the necessities as well before moving on to more important duties. He just felt it more keenly as he was older.

“I know, I know.” Gavin pried his fist open and mustered the crescent imprints left behind by his nails. “I just… I feel like I’m _ready_.”

Jeremy said nothing for a long while. Gavin stared into the flickering flame of the candle, pursing his lips. He knew already what Jeremy would say next, and he was just as unwilling to hear it as the last time.

“Did you ask High Priest Gustavo what he thought?”

“I did.” Gavin snorted, pushing off the wall to stand up. “He said to be _patient_ and that the time would come for my _destiny_ , and until then I would just have to wait and _listen_.”

Jeremy scrambled up as he did, meeting him at the door.

“I’m sure it’ll make sense eventually,” his friend offered hesitantly.

“Easy for you to say, innit,” Gavin muttered, but shot Jeremy a rueful grin. After all, it wasn’t his friend’s fault that the priesthood were stubborn fucks. Jeremy slung an arm around his shoulders and squeezed him against his side in a quick hug before letting go.

“Maybe it’s for the best.” His eyes glimmered in the flickering torch light as they walked through the halls, their steps and hushed voices echoing. “Your first sacrifice should be for something significant.”

“I know,” Gavin agreed quietly, shoulders slumping as he hugged himself. “I just wish…”

Jeremy’s sharp eyes mustered him, and though he never finished the sentence, Gavin had the feeling he knew all too well what bothered Gavin. After all, Gavin had felt out of place ever since his arrival at the temple; a young man on the verge of death and with no memories to call his own. He was the outsider, the intruder, or just a puzzle to solve to the young acolytes. To all except for Jeremy, who’d extended his hand in friendship early on, and Gavin clung to him with the desperation of the lonely.

“I know, buddy. I know.”

* * *

Ryan sat on the edge of the world, legs dangling as he watched humanity below. For over half a century now they had lived in a world cast into darkness. In absence of the sun they had turned to him for help. It made sense, in a way. Darkness was his domain as surely as light had been Gavin’s. Thinking of him made his hollow chest ache, and Ryan grit his teeth against the pain. Gavin would want him to take care of the humans, and so he did, providing warmth and energy with subterranean coal engines and nuclear reactors.

Too late had he realized that humanity mistook the change in their pantheon as a sign. Torn between grief and too busy trying to fix it, somehow, to ensure humanity’s survival when he couldn’t fix his heart… He didn’t notice the sun worshippers hunted by his own, and when he surfaced from his work, only few followers of the Solar Queen remained. They sought shelter at other temples, Geoff and Michael’s first and foremost.

And as quickly as their number dwindled, dead or converted out of necessity, as quickly did worship of the Dark God grow.

Thus Ryan sat on the edge of the world, exhausted, watching over the humans and listening to the cacophony of prayers. He wanted to rest, more than anything, but… He’d already failed to take care of _Gavin_ ’s humans, he could not fail anyone else. Gavin would want him to take care of the rest of the humans, his own or not.

“Gavin would want you to take care of _yourself_ , buddy,” Jeremy interrupted his thoughts. Ryan looked up, the god of blood magic having appeared next to him out of thin air.

“But…” Ryan started, and Jeremy crossed his arms, scowling.

“No buts. When’s the last time you rested properly?”

Ryan avoided his gaze, opting to stare down. Without the sun to denote night and day, the world was always busy, humans tending to their work whenever they woke, for as long they could.

Jeremy kept watching him, a worried frown on his face. Ryan opened his mouth, then closed it. He didn’t know how to reassure Jeremy, or to explain the restless urge that drove him away from bed.

“The last time I stopped paying attention,” Ryan started, feeling the words out as he spoke them, “my followers destroyed every remnant of Sun worship they could find. Desecrated temples, killed the worshippers, vandalized everything Gavin created and-” Ryan stopped, swallowed. Looked up at Jeremy, his eyes haunted. “They did it all in my name.”

Jeremy’s expression softened, and he dropped his arms to his sides. His fingers twitched, as if he wanted to reach out but thought better of it. Ryan felt a pang of guilt. Between his work and mourning, he’d pushed his friends aside, isolating himself.

“There’s still at least one follower alive,” Jeremy offered. “He-”

Quick as lightning, Ryan stood and slapped a palm over his mouth.

“Don’t tell me any more than that,” he ordered harshly, his tone desperate. “I- I do not want to know when my priests come to ask.”

Jeremy nodded, and Ryan dropped his hand with a sigh. Jeremy caught his sleeve before he could turn back to the world.

“You still need rest.” Jeremy paused, peering up at him. “Me and Michael can keep watch. Make sure they don’t do anything too stupid.”

Ryan hesitated, glancing back. Jeremy tightened his grip on his arm.

“C’mon, buddy. Trust me.”

“I can’t sleep,” Ryan confessed, closing his eyes. His house was just as Gavin left it, all his things still cluttering the shelves. Useless inventions, for the most part, pretty baubles and environmentally conscious alternatives to Ryan's more efficient solutions, but he’d been so proud… And now there wasn't any sunlight to make them work. “It’s too… empty.”

A look of _something_ flashed over Jeremy’s face. Pity? Guilt? It was gone too fast for Ryan to puzzle out. His hand slid down to hold Ryan’s own, thumb stroking gently over his knuckles.

“Then come stay over at my place,” Jeremy offered quietly. Ryan recoiled, shaking his head.

“I can’t-”

“Gavin would understand,” Jeremy interrupted firmly, squeezing his hand. “Besides do you think Gavin - _Gavin_ , of all people - would fault you for finding comfort in your friends?”

Ryan shook his head mutely. No, he wouldn’t. Gavin used to be the most tactile of them. It’s what had drawn Ryan to him in the first place: his warmth, the easy affection… Ryan had never been good at asking for what he needed, but Gavin had offered freely.

Just like Jeremy was offering now. And maybe it was those parallels making Ryan hesitate. But… surely Jeremy was just offering his company, nothing more.

“Alright,” Ryan said, lifting his head. “I- yeah.”

Jeremy just nodded, not saying anything else as he tugged him towards the center of their world, the place where everything began.

* * *

_A meadow of flowers, colourful fowl running around. They made a cacophony of noise, screeching loudly as he passed between them, feathers flying everywhere as they fluttered away. It all seemed so familiar, like a long forgotten dream._

_A farmer stood at the end of a row of chicken nests, between a hay bale and a hill of manure. He was wearing some sort of green armour, blending into the grass, except for his straw hat. The farmer looked up and turned, but before Gavin could see his face, darkness fell and took the chicken farm with it._

_He stood in a room made of smooth stone, lit only by small red lamps in tall machines._ Cloches _, Gavin realized. Farmland had been replaced by rooms such as this after the sun's death, to produce food in the night of the world._

 _Only now, in the stark contrast between light and dark, did Gavin notice the lack of torches on the chicken farm- and yet it had been_ light _, lit by an unknown source-_

The sun _, Gavin knew instinctively._

_As his eyes adjusted to the darkness, he noticed another man kneeling between the cloches, pulling and plugging in wires. The cables lay in a mess on his lap, an empty pipe next to him. A wrench hung on his belt, gleaming red in the low light. He was also wearing a green shirt and armoured pants made of a strange metal._

_The man lifted his head, scratching at a magnificent red beard. He caught Gavin’s gaze and smiled._

_“Hey,” he said, dropping his work and standing to stretch. “Haven’t seen you in a while. How are you feeling?”_

_Gavin opened his mouth, ready to exchange empty pleasantries. Instead, what escaped his lips was, “Lonely.”_

_The bearded farmer nodded, his eyes sympathetic._

_“Hold strong. It’s not much longer until you can return home.”_

_Home? Gavin wanted to ask but the bearded man turned, staring into the darkness. A heavy, humming sound vibrated through the walls, the floors started to rumble. A hand grabbed Gavin’s shoulder and he turned, seeing a woman burning with an inner fire, red hair floating around her head like a halo._

_“You need to go,” she said, a sad smile on her lips._

_“Why?” Gavin asked, but the floor vanished under his feet, and then he was falling._

* * *

Gavin woke with a gasp, sitting up abruptly. His room was awash in the light of a torch, flickering steadily in its wall brace. The low murmur of voices echoed from the hallways, acolytes passing by the dorms. In his chest, his heart fluttered.

A farmer of old, a mechanic with a beard and a red-headed lady.

Gavin tossed his blanket aside, nearly falling out of his bunk in his haste. He scrambled through the small chest of his possessions, pulling out a small journal and ink pen. Flipping through the pages filled with scribbled notes, he took a deep breath, trying to remember his dream. There was the farmer, tending to animals- was it sheep? Something was special about his farm. Gavin wrecked his brain, but the memory slipped through his fingers like smoke. Still, he dutifully wrote down everything he could recall.

The healers theorized that his recurring dreams were fragments of his lost memories, coming to him in bits and pieces as he slept. And indeed, several figures seemed to appear over and over: the lady who gave him food more often than not, two farmers, a mechanic, a bear who walked upright, a knight in pink armour…

Jeremy made him swear to share these dreams with only the few he trusted, concern throwing his face into harsh lines. Pink armour and bear heraldry, he explained, were the signs of the Knight of Fae. An order of magic that often opposed the Acolytes, an order at war with the worshippers of the Dark God. Nominally, the Acolytes were allies of the Dark Ones, and if it came to light Gavin had ties with the Fae…

Jeremy knew, of course. And he had to tell High Priest Gustavo, who ordered him to keep the dreams secret as well. Healer Steffie knew, but she was bound by oaths of confidentiality. She was the one to suggest the dream diary.

Flipping through the pages, Gavin settled onto his bed. Not for the first time he wondered at his past life. Who were these people who seemed so familiar, yet whose faces he could never remember? Who had he been, friends with farmers and mechanics and Knights? Sometimes there even was an Acolyte in his dreams, but try as he might, he could not remember his face or name. Instead his subconscious would substitute him with Jeremy’s face, confusing his feelings for his friend with familiarity of his lost memories.

Gavin couldn’t help but think said Acolyte might be the one who brought him to High Priest Gustavo.

The voices outside rose in excitement, buzzing like a beehive. Gavin looked up, carefully closing his journal. Something was going on out there, big enough to have caught the attention of the young acolytes. It felt like their entire underground temple was gathered just down the hall, going by the noise. He couldn’t remember the last time everyone had come together outside the assembly…

Well, the last time since he arrived, at least. He only half-remembered the commotion, a familiar voice ordering _Take good care of him_...

Gavin closed his eyes and reached for the memory, trying to recall that night. He’d been quite out of it, the healers told him later. A concussion and severe blood loss, a hit to the head likely to blame for his lost memories. But sometimes Gavin thought he remembered details he wasn’t told. The man had wrapped his cloak around Gavin, black with silver thread. He must have worn an Acolyte’s robes, perhaps a priest in rank. His voice echoed deep and reassuring through the chamber, so similar to Jeremy’s-

Gavin huffed and fell back onto his bed, dropping the journal. The memory dispersed like smoke the moment his mind compared the stranger to Jeremy, like he always ended up doing.

Suddenly, the door to his dorm banged open, a blonde head peeking past the frame. Gavin sat up, hastily pushing his journal under his pillow.

“Hey Gav!” the woman greeted him with a bright smile. She shuffled in, sheepishly pushing the door shut behind her with an almost silent click, as if to apologize for her loud entry. “Fancy seeing you here!”

“Lindsay.” Gavin couldn’t help but grin back at her. Of all the people in the temple, she was his favourite - right after Jeremy, of course. She was a kitchenaid, apprenticed to the baker. Their schedules didn’t match up often, on the rare occasions she managed to ditch her duties to hang out. “This is my room, Lindsay. I sleep here.”

“Right, right.” Lindsay nodded along, drying her hands in her apron. Then she paused. “Hope I didn’t wake you.”

“Who could still be sleeping with this much noise?” Gavin asked rhetorically, eyeing her warily. Her blonde hair was wind-blown, except they were too far underground to catch so much as a breeze. “Lindsay, did you run all the way from the kitchen, Lindsay?”

“Maaaybe?” she hedged, brushing her hair out of her face. “So you were awake! Okay, good. Right!”

Gavin narrowed his eyes. “Is something the matter?”

“No, no!” Lindsay held up her hands as if to ward him off, forcing a laugh. “Nothing’s wrong.”

Gavin hummed in disbelief, cocking his head. Lindsay had never been a good liar in his experience.

“Okay,” he said slowly, watching her slump in relief. “Why did you come here, Lindsay?”

“Uhh…” She stared at him blankly, twisting her hands in her apron. “Um, I, uh, just wanted to come say hi?”

“And you ran all the way from the kitchen here,” Gavin repeated, his tone dry, “to say hi?”

“Yes.” Lindsay nodded emphatically. “Hi.”

“Hi,” Gavin returned on reflex. Then he stared her down, bemused by her antics, but not willing to let it go. He was curious now - what was she trying to hide from him? Lindsay fidgeted, aware the game was up. “Lindsay.”

“Gavin.”

“Why are you acting suspish?”

“M’not,” Lindsay objected, grinning brightly and entirely fake. Gavin hummed his disbelief and arched a brow. She deflated under his look. “Promise not to go out there right now?”

“Sure,” Gavin agreed quickly. _Right now_ he wanted to know what Lindsay was up to. _After_ was an entirely different manner. Lindsay relaxed as his assurance, her smile shrinking to a small, honest one.

“There’s Hunters out there,” she confessed in a rushed whisper. “I think they’re looking for someone.”

“Hunters?” Gavin asked, brow knitting in confusion. Lindsay gave him a pitying look, but her voice was even as she explained.

“Zealous worshippers of the Dark God.” Unlike many others, Lindsay did not add a muttered ‘long may he reign’ when speaking of the head deity of the pantheon, nor did she make his sign. “Word is they hunt down dissidents. They clash with the Fae Knights a bunch, I think.”

“But the Acolytes are allies of the Dark Order, and have always been,” Gavin pointed out. Even though he’d not yet been allowed to join, Gavin had spent the last year learning of the cult’s history. “Why would these… Hunters come here?”

“Who knows.” Lindsay shrugged. “Anyway it’s better for us non-Acolytes to stay out of sight until they’re gone, so…”

While that sounded reasonable, Gavin couldn’t help but think there was more to it. The way she’d hurried to find him…

But what could the Hunters want from him?

* * *

“And you are, of course, welcome to stay,” High Priest Gustavo stated blandly, the scowl on his face belying his mood. “But I must draw the line at searching the premises. This is a holy temple, and its many sacred secrets are not to be shared with outsiders.”

The Hunter’s cowl threw their face into shadow, making it impossible to recognize any features. Their voice was sibilant and smooth and utterly unremarkable.

“The Remnants must be eradicated. They are clever and swift to hide. You might not even have noticed them lying amongst your midst.”

“Are you accusing us to harbour enemies of the Dark God?” Gus bristled, his face darkening. “Are you implying we fail in our duties to the Blood Mage, he who is the Right Hand of Punishment, he who serves His Darkness loyally-”

“We followed the trail,” the Hunter interrupted him, voice harsh. “It lead here.”

Silence spread through the crowd, before a murmur rose like a wave. The possibility of a sun worshipper hiding amongst them elicited as much disbelief as excitement. The Hunt for the last Remnants of Sun worship was infamous for its swift brutality. If they were to find one like that here… who knew what consequences that might have.

High Priest Gustavo raised his hand and his voice to be heard above the noise. “Quiet!”

Slowly the murmuring subsided to a whisper, and then to a silence holding its breath. Gus eyed the Hunter severely.

“That is quite the accusation to make. Do you have any proof?”

“We do not report to you, _priest_ ,” the Hunter hissed, standing taller. “We are doing the High Lord’s work and answer to Him and Him alone.”

“So you don’t have any evidence,” Gus concluded, eyes narrowing.

“Watch your words, priest, for you are obstructing Justice!” The Hunter snarled, drawing their sword and holding it up to Gus’ throat. The rest of the Hunters followed their leader’s example, brandishing their various weapons. The crowd tensed, with young acolytes crying their outrage. “The Mage is not the only one who spills _blood_.”

“Whoa, whoa, whoa!” A voice rose above the rest, and Jeremy pushed his way through the crowd. “Hey, dude, relax. The High Priest is simply concerned with following proper procedure. Right, Gus?”

“Right,” Gus bit out through gritted teeth. The blade hovered just below his Adam’s apple. Jeremy nodded, turning to the Hunter with an easy smile.

“See? No need to get hasty.” He folded his arms, hiding his hands in the sleeves of his robe. “Of course we will help our Dark brothers. I will call the staff to a meeting, so you may investigate them for traitors.”

“The staff?” The Hunter lowered their sword, sounding confused.

“Of course,” Jeremy said, amusement clear in his voice. “The Acolytes carry similar oaths to yours, they will not worship nor serve other deities than the one they’re sworn to. You will not find Remnants of the Sun among them.”

“The staff, however, is not inducted into our cult,” Gus picked up the explanation, side-eyeing Jeremy. “If you are indeed correct, you will find your quarry in their midst.”

The Hunters wavered, mustering them suspiciously and exchanging speaking looks. Finally, the leader sheathed their sword, with the others following suit. The tension drained out of the gathering, even if the taste of distrust remained.

“By all means, then.” The leader gestured for Jeremy to lead the way. Gus glowered at them, clearly taking offense, but Jeremy just shrugged magnanimously.

“Follow me.”

As they walked, Gus flagged down one of the younger priests, gaze resting on the delegation of Hunters.

“Call the staff for a meeting wherever Acolyte Jeremy is taking them. Make sure all unanointed are accounted for.”

“Yes, Your Excellence.” 

The priestess bowed and hurried off, while the rest of the priesthood closed ranks around Gus.

“That was intense,” one of them, a woman with blonde hair and blue eyes, said lightly. Barbara. She was only recently promoted and showed much promise. “What a bunch of dicks.”

“They are just doing their job,” Gus said calmly, his expression smoothing out. “As are we.”

“Acolyte Jeremy should be disciplined,” another spoke up, frowning his disapproval. “His actions were rash and might yet cost us much.”

“I’m sure he had good intentions,” Barbara murmured, glancing between them worriedly. Gus hummed in agreement.

“I will talk to him,” he offered.

“Talk to him!” An older priest sputtered. “He undermined your authority as High Priest! He deserves to be punished accordingly.”

“He acted as he deemed necessary,” Gus countered, holding up his hand to stop further arguments. “Enough. We will talk about this later. We have students to see to.”

He looked pointedly at the gathered acolytes, whispering feverishly amongst themselves. Reluctantly, the priesthood peeled off to see to their duties. Only Barbara remained behind.

“What about Gavin?” she asked once everyone else was out of earshot. At Gus’ glance, she elaborated, “He’s not inducted in the worship yet, technically.”

“It is not the time for his First Sacrifice.” Gus folded his arms inside his sleeves. “The Blood Mage has chosen him for a most powerful ritual. His blood _cannot_ be spilled until it’s ready.”

“I don’t think the Hunters will like the sound of that,” she mused, crossing her arms. Her fingers tapped on her elbow. “Not with the rumours of us plotting against His Darkness going around.”

“Quite right. So we won’t tell them.” Gus caught her eyes, staring at her intently. “The ritual _must_ take place on the next Blood Moon. I will not allow for fearmongering to interrupt our plans.”

Barbara hummed. “Where does that leave Gavin, though? What do we do about him?”

“He lives with the acolytes, he studies with the acolytes. For all appearances, he _is_ an acolyte.” Gus raised a brow and smirked, small and private. “Who are we to tell them otherwise?”

“So we hide him, basically,” Barbara summed up dryly. “And what if he is the reason they came here in the first place?”

“Then we found him first. Finders, keepers.” He let his gaze wander over the crowd, slowly dispersing at the priesthood’s urging. “There is a reason we require _his_ blood, after all.”

* * *

One day the sun simply refused to rise. Mankind cried out in confusion as days passed and they slept and slept and slept again, but there was no light in the sky, no sun, no moon, no stars.

‘She is hiding behind the clouds,’ said the High Priestess to reassure her people.

And indeed, dark clouds gathered in the sky, blocking all light. It had not stopped raining since the sun had vanished, a herald of dark times to come. But still humanity clung to the belief that the sun would return one day because they couldn’t fathom a change this big.

So they prayed and prayed, but in the depths of their hearts they knew: the Solar Queen is dead and with her died all the light.

And thus it rained for seven days.

And on that seventh day, the Blood Moon rose.

* * *


	3. Night Will Fade

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Solar Queen is dead, long may the Dark God reign!
> 
> OR Gavin learns about the Ritual of the Blood Moon and his chance to finally prove himself to the cult.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _I hear the choir calling_  
>  _The shadow of a song_  
>  _Be still, the night is falling_  
>  _Come along, come along_
> 
> _There's peace within the darkness_  
>  _There's answer when I pray_  
>  _May darkness be our guide now_  
>  _Come away_
> 
> \- Night Will Fade by Beyond The Black

“Come,” said the Dark God, voice smooth like stone. “I have something to show you, Solar Queen.”

“Something even more wondrous than a shared temple?” asked the Solar Queen.

“Much more wondrous,” promised the Dark God. “Come, and I will show you.”

And the Solar Queen followed in all her golden splendor because at heart she was a curious being. Her golden carriage was drawn by seven steeds white and fluffy like clouds, and each wheel was made of one solid colour of the rainbow.

The Dark God led the Queen to his workroom, where he presented her with a gray, square pillar which was just as heavy as stone and not nearly as pretty as any of the statues in the Solar Queen’s gardens.

“It’s not nearly as pretty as any of the statues in my gardens,” said the Solar Queen. She was miffed since the Dark God had lied to her.

“Certainly, it has no beauty on its own,” the Dark God allowed, a secretive smile on his lips. “But it has other, much more interesting uses. Look.”

And he waved his hand over the flat surface, and the gray stone turned a brilliant blue with a beep.

“Impossible!” said the Solar Queen. “How did you manage such?”

“Innovation, my dear,” said the Dark God, looking rather smug. “The humans needed a way to share their resources over long distances, and ho, I have provided. The computer stores every item on these disks, and the transmitter shares it between them. And behold! At the press of a button, it rebuilds anything we’ve ever gifted them.”

And the Dark God pressed a button, and the machine built a solar panel, as the Solar Queen had gifted upon the humans eons ago.

“But where does it get all its energy from?” asked the Solar Queen in admiration.

“From your marvelous solar panels, my Queen,” said the Dark God. “With your permission, I would gift the humans a panel with each computer, so they may share their resources freely.”

And the Solar Queen accepted the deal, flattered that the Dark God would ask her of all the deities to provide humanity with such a generous gift. But as the morning came, all the solar panels sucked up the energy from the sun, leaving it dim and dying in the sky.

This was the second of three times the Dark God tricked the Solar Queen.

* * *

“And what, pray tell, do you think you’re doing?”

Gavin flinched back, hitting his head against the door. He rubbed his smarting ear as he turned to give High Priest Gustavo a sheepish grin. The leader of the Acolytes watched him with narrowed eyes, tapping his shoe against the stone floor.

 _Tap, tap, tap_.

He made for a weird figure, rather than imposing as one might expect from someone of his position. He was tall and thin, his head disproportionately large for his slim body, crowned in dark locks. His arms were spindly and bony, poking out from the tapered sleeves of his crimson robes, pale like bones sticking out from a waterfall of blood. Despite his wiry frame, a round belly stood out where the belt of office pinched the robes around his waist.

 _Tap, tap, tap_.

“Nothing, Your Excellence,” Gavin muttered, grimacing. He glanced through the doorway, but the Hunters had vanished down the corridor. Who knew where they’d go next. Penis.

“Uh huh.” High Priest Gustavo crossed his bony arms. “And this ‘nothing’ just randomly happens near our honoured guest.”

Gavin hid a wince and put on a bright smile. "Yup!"

"... right." The High Priest rolled his eyes and gestured for Gavin to follow him. "Walk with me, young one."

Reluctantly, Gavin did as ordered, falling into step with the High Priest, but not without one last curious glance back. The hallway they were in connected all parts of the temple in a pentagram shape, from the entrance hall up front to the deep chambers of worship and ritual in the back. There was no telling where the Hunters went off to. So Gavin followed the High Priest, keeping one step behind him as was polite.

Gustavo led him past the acolytes' quarters, past the classrooms and deeper into the underground temple. The further down they went, the less people there were. It made sense - staff was only allowed on the upper levels, and the higher up your standing with the Acolytes', the lower down you were allowed.

It wasn't until they passed the acolytes ritual chambers and into the areas only the priesthood was allowed that High Priest Gustavo finally spoke.

“I know what it’s like. Wanting to prove yourself,” Gustavo started, giving Gavin a twitch of a smile. Gavin huffed and crossed his arms, restraining himself from rolling his eyes. Barely. Gustavo shook his head. “It may not seem like it to you, but I wasn’t born the High Priest of the Acolytes.”

Gavin snorted. “Well, yeah, but you were born into the temple, weren’t you?”

The High Priest hummed, falling silent as they walked past two priestesses who both gave Gustavo a bow as he passed. He motioned Gavin to follow, before ducking under a curtain. Beyond laid a small room, five by five paces at a guess. A miniature shrine stood in the middle, where usually the small altars sat within meditation chambers. There were only two prayer mats, one behind the shrine and one in front.

Gustavo settled down on the one behind the shrine, so Gavin dropped onto the other one.

“You are young. Impatient.” Gustavo held up a hand to stop Gavin’s protests before he’d so much as opened his mouth. “You cannot help it. Your soul is aware of your greater destiny, the things you should be doing. It leaves you restless. That’s understandable.”

“That’s always your excuse, though, innit?” Gavin waved his hands about, wanting to pace but knowing he wouldn’t get answers unless he stayed seated. “Blah, blah, great destiny, blah. I’m sick of hearing it.”

Gustavo heaved a tired sigh. “Gavin-”

“With all due respect, Your Excellence, but you say I’m supposed to be doing something, and then you keep telling me to be patient, to wait, that the time isn’t right…” Gavin made a frustrated noise deep in his throat. “I’ve been patient! I wait and wait, but the time is never right! I’m not even allowed to participate in the rituals, even though I’ve passed all my classes with flying colours-”

“That’s debatable,” the High Priest drawled, taking the wind out of Gavin’s sails. He leaned forward, reaching around the shrine to pat Gavin’s knee.

“Preacher Salcedo just doesn’t appreciate my questions,” Gavin grumbled, his shoulders drooping.

“I’m sure that’s all it is.”

Gustavo shook his head, then mustered Gavin with a hard look. Gavin dropped his gaze onto the shrine. It was finely made marble, with tiny splinters of ruby flowing from the figurine’s wrist and into the incense bowl. Its face was hidden under the cowl of its priest’s robes, it's head bowed as it held out its hands, one holding an approximation of a ritual dagger made of shiny, black quartz. The garments the figurine wore bore the markings of high rank amongst the Acolytes. Gavin wondered if it was meant to represent a particular historical person or the priesthood in general.

"Do you know," Gustavo asked, and Gavin glanced up carefully from under his lashes. The High Priest's gaze had moved on, settling on the shrine. With steady hands, he struck the tinderbox, igniting the incense within the bowl. The rubies glittered under the short spark of flame.

"Do you know why it is that we sacrifice blood in the most important rites?" The High Priest still wasn't looking at him as he set the tinderbox aside. "Why the first bloodshed, the holy rite of passage, of induction is held above all others?"

Gavin shook his head, then paused mid-motion. His brow furrowed and he gnawed on his lip in thought. "It's a virgin sacrifice, innit? The first spilling of one's blood."

"Indeed it is." Gustavo inclined his head and finally met Gavin's gaze, pinning him in place with a look. "It is also a voluntary sacrifice, which lends the ritual more power. So do other circumstances. Before the Dark God, long may he reign, vanquished the Solar Queen, there were stars in the sky. Their constellation at any given time favoured some rites, and debilitated others."

"But there are no more stars," Gavin murmured, his frown deepening. "There's only one star, and it rises rarely."

"The Blood Moon," the High Priest agreed, nodding knowingly. Gavin's frown lingered because no, that was wrong. Wasn't it? But Gustavo kept talking, and Gavin had pushed his luck far enough. "The next one will rise soon. Until then, have patience."

The implication was clear, and the breath stuck in Gavin's throat. "Why me?"

"Because you were born under the right star." Gustavo waved him off as he opened his mouth to protest. "An old figure of speech. You were born under particular circumstances that make you perfect for this most sacred of rituals. Our Lord hasn't shared with me the whys and hows, but I have faith that all will be revealed in time."

"Faith," Gavin echoed, ducking his head. His fingers clenched in the folds of his pants. _You were born under the right star_. It sounded like a quote, struck a chord within Gavin. He'd never seen the sky, never been outside far as he could remember. The lights died with the Solar Queen, the preachers taught, and that meant a starless firmament. No sun, no moon, no stars.

But Gavin couldn't shake the feeling, the vague knowledge that there _was_ one. One lone star, hidden behind dark clouds and the smoke of coal generators. A light hidden in darkness.

A sign. An omen.

* * *

_He was walking around a lake side by side with the most beautiful man he’d ever seen. His eyes reflected the colour of the lake, with his hair tousled into gentle waves by the breeze, golden like the wheat growing in giant stalks behind them. His pale skin contrasted nicely with Gavin’s own tan as they entwined their fingers. A dark cloak swayed with each step, black silk interspersed with fine silver. Gavin marveled at its smooth feel nearly as much as he did the man’s beauty._

_The sun warmed their skin as they sat on the shore, idly watching soft white clouds sail across an azure blue sky. Time stretched endlessly as he enjoyed the beautiful man’s company. They exchanged many words and laughter, though Gavin could not catch a single one of them. It mattered little compared to the feeling of welcome, a comfortable belonging. Gavin wanted to stay at his side forever._

_It took the violets of dusk streaking through the sky for Gavin to realize it was_ light _outside._

_He sat up abruptly and craned his neck to watch the sun set beyond the hills. His companion sighed as he rose next to him, observing the change from day to night in silence._

_“Will you leave me now, my dear?” he asked, and his voice echoed deep and gravelly. “Must you leave with the sun?”_

_Gavin turned to look at his companion thoughtfully. Dusk was throwing his face in colourful shadows, but his eyes remained that beautiful, clear blue._

_“I’ll stay,” he offered, giving him a cautious smile, “if you ask.”_

_“I’m dreaming, aren’t I?” The man smiled back, his eyes unbearably sad. He reached out, his fingers hovering just an inch above Gavin’s cheek. “I know I am, yet I am afraid to touch you, lest you vanish.”_

_Gavin leaned in, curious despite himself. The man’s palm was soft, and warm, warm enough to leave a burning after image when he flinched back, staring at Gavin with wide eyes._

_“Seems I’m still here,” Gavin observed, lips twitching in amusement. The man’s face softened, fondness warring with grief._

_“Looks like it,” he agreed. He dropped his hand to his side, clenching it to a fist, before consciously letting go. “I miss you, my dear.”_

_“You do?” Gavin couldn’t stop himself from blurting out the question, confused by the stranger’s familiarity._

_The man’s face darkened, and he took a step back. His voice dropped into a low growl, and the light seemed to dim with his anger._

_“What a cruel thing, to come visit me wearing such a beloved face, spectre, and then deny me even the courtesy of pretension.” His hand slashed through the air, and the light breeze grew into a strong gale. “Begone, false vision. I no longer wish to live this dream.”_

_Gavin opened his mouth, only for the wind to steal his words of protest. The stranger turned his back on him, and something twisted in Gavin’s chest. The wind whipped the stranger’s dark cloak, hiding his shape, making him blend into the dark of the night._

_Gavin reached out, his fingers brushing the cloth, before the wind ripped it out of his grasp-_

Gavin sat up in bed, heart in his throat and a plea on his lips. The words died silently as he looked around the room. Jeremy was snoring quietly in the other bunk, the only noise in the darkness. Only the flickering torchlight threw shadows through the slit under the door. Gavin fumbled with the tinderbox on his nightstand, lighting the small stump of candle he had left.

His dream… everything had felt so familiar. The lake, the fields, the man- the sun.

Gavin shook his head. Everyone knew the sun had vanished a century ago, on the day the Dark God had finally won his constant battle with the Solar Queen. With her death all light had died, and in the darkness, the Dark God reigned supreme.

And besides, the stranger thought he was dreaming as well.

Gavin frowned. Had he known this man… before? He’d called Gavin ‘my dear’, like an older relative, or, or-

Gavin blushed, refusing to finish the thought. Surely he would remember him if…

The door opened with a creak, and Lindsay stuck her head in. She looked towards Jeremy first, her eyebrows rising at the sight of him curled up in the blankets. Then her eyes met Gavin’s and crinkled with a smile.

“Psst. Hey Gavin.”

“Lindsay,” he returned, throwing the blankets back. “What’s up?”

“I wanna show you something,” she whispered, beckoning him to her. Gavin hopped down from his bunk, fumbling for a clean set of robes.

“What is it?”

But Lindsay just smirked. “You’ll see.”

Gavin looked back as he hurried out, feeling eyes on his back. Jeremy was watching them with an unreadable expression on his face. Then he groaned and turned his back on them, pulling the blankets over his head.

The smokeless torches were dimmed in an imitation of the former night cycle. The red shine made Lindsay's blonde hair appear pink, as if she had dyed the crown. They walked through the empty hallways, not meeting anyone from the night shift to the point where Gavin began to wonder. Lindsay led him down through little shortcuts and side hallways, never staying on the main circle for long. She seemed to be headed for the kitchen, and Gavin assumed she wanted to share her newest creation.

Lindsay was well-known for her experiments in baking. Not all of them were successful, but Gavin was her favourite test subject.

But they passed through the kitchens, the night staff ignoring them, too busy with preparing the dough to rise. Lindsay waved to some of them, but didn’t stop to talk to anyone either. The next door led to a supply closet, filled with sacks of flour and rice, crates of fruit stacked to one side. Gavin shot Lindsay a confused look, and Lindsay winked back.

“This way,” she said, crouching next to a sack leaning against the wall. Then she was ducking behind it and - vanished.

“Lindsay?” Gavin whispered as loudly as he dared, spooked by the hushed atmosphere.

When she didn’t answer, Gavin took a careful step forward, glancing back over his shoulder. He felt silly, crouching in the corner of the closet. Once he looked back, though, he could see the grate hidden between two of the sacks, and the empty hole in the wall it was supposed to cover. Just big enough for him to crawl through on all fours.

On the other side was a dark room, the only light a red glow coming from the cloches. Rows upon rows of cloches, Gavin realized as he scrambled to his feet and looked around. They were in the ressource chamber, where the food and minerals were grown. It made sense, Gavin supposed, to have it close to the kitchen, where the supplies were most likely needed.

“Lindsay?” Gavin whispered.

“Over here!” she hissed back, her head popping out between two of the cloches down the row. She beckoned him over, and Gavin followed her curiously. Lindsay led him past cloches that grew wheat and sugarcane, stopping at the first one which contained melons. There was a space of about three feet between the melon cloches and the sugarcanes, and Lindsay pressed a hand to the wall.

“It’s just about… there!”

With a click, the wall opened. It slid to the side, gears rumbling inside the stone, and Lindsay winked at Gavin.

“Secret backdoor,” she confided in a low tone. “Only, like, five people know about it.”

Gavin followed Lindsay outside, though it took him a moment to realize that’s where they were. The wind picked up, the breeze tousling his hair and tugging at his clothes. Gavin closed his eyes, leaning his head back and enjoying the sensation. It felt strangely… familiar. Gavin couldn’t _remember_ , but his body _knew_.

It was dark outside. Gavin wasn’t sure why that was such a surprise - part of the reason the altar was hidden underground was that it didn’t make any difference. The walls of the temple were formed into strange geometric shapes, cubes of stone stacked on top of each other. A single cube reached about his knee when he stood on the one below.

“C’mon,” Lindsay said, already scrambling up the side of the temple. The cubes were arranged to make it easy to climb. Like stairs, almost. “Let’s race to the top!”

She was off before Gavin could sputter a protest, her laughter carrying on the wind. He raced after her, breath puffing out of him in clouds of fog. When he reached the top, he was breathless and filled with a giddy sort of joy. Lindsay was already there, sitting on the third step from the top, and patting the stone next to her. Gavin dropped down with a huff of laughter, panting for air.

They sat in silence, shoulders bumping against each other, watching the dark clouds move across the sky, a barely noticeable dark blue against the all-encompassing blackness. There was a bundle of light not too far off to their right, the settlement closest to the temple.

Gavin leaned back against the stone, eyes drawn to a specific point in the sky. His heart beat faster in his chest, a tense sort of anticipation rushing through him. And when the clouds moved, his breathing hitched.

There, in the middle of the darkness, was a tiny pinprick of light.

“You can see it, right? The star?” Lindsay watched him from the corner of her eyes. Gavin swallowed and gave her a shallow, hesitant nod. Lindsay fairly _beamed_ at him, kicking her legs where they dangled over the edge. “It’s a sign, you know. That the Solar Queen is returning.”

"Lindsay!" Gavin sucked in a startled breath. He looked around, eyes darting across the darkness, searching for movement. They were alone, way above the hustling activity inside the underground temple, but still, Gavin lowered his voice. "Lindsay, that's heresy, Lindsay."

“So what?” Lindsay shrugged. “S’not like I worship His High Darkness.”

“What if someone hears you?” Gavin whispered fervently. His fingers twitched towards his belt, but he’d left his ceremonial dagger in his room.

“Unless it’s those asshole hunters, who’s gonna care?” Lindsay returned, carelessly. She shrugged again.

That was true enough, Gavin supposed. Everyone tacitly ignored that the kitchens followed another deity.

The Phoenix was worshipped by tradespeople, but especially cooks and bakers. It was a well-known secret that the kitchen staff had a small shrine to the goddess and that it was her sign scratched into the hearths and ovens. It was her flames they borrowed for warmth and heat, after all.

So it wouldn’t be weird for Lindsay to be less reverent to the other gods. Still, the Acolytes followed the Blood Mage, the Dark God’s right hand. He wasn’t nearly as sure as Lindsay seemed to be that they could let her get away with it, especially with hunters in their guest quarters. If their loyalty was already in doubt, some acolytes might be eager to prove themselves.

“‘Sides, everyone knows His Unholiness is a little bitch,” Lindsay continued, and Gavin choked on his own spit. “Oh, he’s all huffing and puffing, but it’s all just for show. He wouldn’t hurt a fly.”

“Lindsay!” Gavin gasped out, laughter sneaking into his tone. Blasphemy shouldn’t be funny, but it was just so like _Lindsay_. “By the gods, stop.”

“Only if the gods come down and fight me,” Lindsay joked, grinning and throwing her head back to howl at the skies. “You hear that? Come down and fight me, you coward!”

Gavin slapped a hand over Lindsay’s mouth before she could make it worse, or alert a guard. But he had a hard time stifling his own giggles, and from the amused glint in Lindsay’s eyes he knew that was her goal all along.

They settled into a somewhat awkward silence, but the tension was gone. Gavin couldn’t help but sneak glances at the star. Most of the time it was hidden behind plumes of smoke from the factories, or the passing clouds, so he only managed to catch glimpses of it here and there.

“Lindsay?” he finally broke the silence.

“Hm?”

“Do you think it’s true? The rumours,” Gavin elaborated at her confused look. “About the Blood Mage… gathering power to usurp the Dark God.”

“What makes you think that?” Lindsay asked noncommittally.

“Just… some things I heard,” Gavin hedged vaguely, recalling what High Priest Gustavo disclosed to him. He probably shouldn’t repeat it, even to his friends. Still… Gavin felt like he needed advice, badly. “There’s… going to be a special ritual soon, and I might finally be allowed to participate.”

“Congrats, I guess?” Lindsay mused, elbowing him in the side. “That’s what you’ve been hoping for, right?”

“Yeah…” Gavin trailed off, pulling his knees up to his chest and wrapping his arms around his legs. He propped his chin on his knee and stared out into the darkness. “I guess. I just… the timing seems like a weird coincidence, doesn’t it?”

“It’s probably because of the Blood Moon,” Lindsay suggested, nodding to herself. “There’s always a big thing happening on the Blood Moon. I bet the next one's soon.” She lowered her voice conspiratorially, “We’ve been hella busy in the kitchens, preparing for a big feast.”

“Yeah?” Gavin turned his head, cheek pressed to his knee so he could glance at Lindsay sideways. “Tell me about it? It’s once every year, innit?”

“Sure.” Lindsay took a moment to gather her thoughts, before launching into stories of the festivities, the drunk shenanigans the younger acolytes got into, the panic in the kitchens that one time they accidentally baked all the pies with salt instead of sugar. Of the time Priest Gustavo, not yet High Priest, had spilled wine all over the then High Priestess’ robes. Gavin listened avidly, entranced by the vivid images Lindsay painted.

She didn’t know anything about the ritual though. Which was to be expected, she wasn’t part of the Acolytes. Still, Gavin wished he knew more about it. Something left him uneasy, a gut feeling of foreboding, whenever he thought of it. He should be excited, to finally be inducted, to finally be part of the Blood Mage’s cult, but…

“I’m nervous,” he admitted in a rush of words, interrupting Lindsay’s tale of smuggling cats into the temple. Lindsay took the interruption in stride, hands dropping into her lap and meeting his gaze.

“What about?”

“The… the ritual.” Gavin swallowed. “What if… what if it goes wrong? What if I do it wrong? What if it doesn’t work? What if I’m not the right person, after all?”

Lindsay hummed, thinking about it. Gavin was immensely grateful she didn’t just brush him off.

“Do you know what the ritual entails?” she asked after a long moment of Gavin fidgeting and waiting. Gavin shook his head.

“It’s gonna happen during the Blood Moon, and I guess I have to spill my blood myself, for the first time and willingly? And it has to be me, apparently, because-” Gavin made a frustrated noise. “I dunno. Because I’m special or something.”

“You’re special, alright,” Lindsay snorted, bumping their shoulders together. Gavin bumped her right back, smile tugging at his lips. Lindsay eyed him for a moment, then tucked her hands into the pockets of her tunic. “Have you talked about this with anyone? You know, someone who actually knows what the fuck is going on with blood sacrifices and shit?”

“Kinda. Not really. High Priest Gustavo sorta brushed me off, so.” Gavin lifted one shoulder in a half-hearted shrug. “And I don’t want any of the others to think I’m not ready. They already don’t like me as is.”

“Mhmm.” Lindsay glanced around, before her gaze landed back on him, a knowing sort of look in her eyes. “What about Jeremy?”

“I don’t know.” Gavin hunched in on himself, staring at his hands in his lap. “I don’t want him to think less of me.”

“You should talk to him. He knows a lot more than you’d think,” Lindsay prompted, then let him stew on that thought for several heartbeats. Then, apropos of nothing, she asked, “What do you want?”

“What?” Gavin’s head snapped up, and he stared at Lindsay with wide eyes. Lindsay shrugged, pulling up a single knee to rest her head on.

“That’s important in rituals, right? The intent?” Lindsay’s gaze pinned him in place with its intensity. “So what do _you_ want out of this? What’s your heart’s desire?”

Gavin’s heart jumped into his throat and he averted his eyes from Lindsay’s, gaze inadvertently drawn to the star blinking in and out above them.

“I want…” He licked his lips, trailing off. Then, in a rushed exhale, he gave words to the feeling that plagued him ever since he could remember. “I want to belong.”

The silence settled between them, heavy with meaning.

* * *

On the seventh day the Blood Moon rose.

At first, it gave the priestesses hope: the celestial bodies would surely reappear now. But the red circle was the work of the Blood Mage, a trick he played on the Solar Queen when her back was turned.

When the moon runs red, they say, that’s when His magic is at the most powerful. Stay inside on those nights, parents would tell their children, unless you want to be stolen by His followers.

The Blood Moon rose, bringing a glimmer of hope. It kept rising once a year, but the sun did not return.

And once a year, the Acolytes prepared the ritual.

And once a year, the Blood Mage returned for the sacrifice.

* * *


	4. Rage Before The Storm

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Solar Queen is dead, long may the Dark God reign!
> 
> OR in which Gavin is plagued by omens and dreams, and the Hunter situation comes to a head.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _Forever_  
>  _These sounds are blazing through the night_  
>  _Forever_  
>  _We will see the shining light_  
>  _Forever_  
>  _We will share this memory_  
>  _Together we can make our dream complete_
> 
> \- Rage Before The Storm by Beyond the Black

“Come,” said the Dark God, voice smooth like smoke. “I have a cure for you, Solar Queen.”

And the Solar Queen said nothing, for she had been ill ever since the Dark God had sapped the sun of all its energy.

“It will help,” promised the Dark God. “Come, and I will show you the cure.”

And the Solar Queen followed in all her pale splendor because at heart she was a fearful being. Her golden carriage lay broken and the seven steeds had turned gray and heavy like the clouds, and each wheel once made of one solid colour of the rainbow had darkened with rot.

The Dark God led the Queen to the Blood Mage’s altar, which ran black with old blood. It was a site of dark magic and death, not of healing.

“This is a site of dark magic and death, not of healing,” said the Solar Queen. She was miffed since the Dark God had lied to her.

“Certainly, it would appear so,” the Dark God allowed, a secretive smile on his lips. “But it is also the place where your pain will vanish forever more. Look!”

And he waved a hand at the altar, and as the Queen bowed over it to see what the Dark God tried to show her, he stabbed her with a knife.

“Impossible!” said the Solar Queen because a simple knife could not hurt a god. “How did you manage such?”

“Gratitude, my dear,” said the Dark God, looking rather smug. “I gave you the worship you craved, and I gave you the recognition you sought. And each time you accepted my gifts, I stole a piece of your light.”

And the Solar Queen clutched the knife, mortified that the Dark God had managed to trick her so. But as she pulled the knife from her body light spilled forth from her skin. And as the light leached from her body so it leached from the sky, and darkness covered the world in its stead.

This was the third of three times the Dark God tricked the Solar Queen.

* * *

Gavin followed Jeremy down the hall with no idea where they were going, lost deep in thought. There was a star in the sky. There hadn’t been any stars for nearly a century, ever since the Solar Queen died. Gavin remembered that, from how often it came up in lessons. He didn’t remember actually seeing the sky before last night.

Jeremy walked next to him, talking animatedly about something that happened during his candle lighting shift. It went in one ear and out the other, nothing much sticking. A twinge of guilt twisted in Gavin’s stomach, but… Jeremy would understand, wouldn’t he? If he knew?

Could he tell him?

If the star really was an omen of the Solar Queen’s return, wouldn’t it be his duty to tell someone? If not Jeremy, then the priests? Then again, the words of the High Priest still whirred through his mind, implying Gavin was born under a star. Did the priesthood already know? Was that why he wasn’t allowed to make his first sacrifice sooner and join the Acolytes officially?

The Blood Mage was the right hand of the Dark God, who killed the Solar Queen to ascend above the other gods and rule them as he was always meant to be. If the Solar Queen was returning, wouldn’t it be heresy to remain silent? Wouldn’t that be paramount to helping her return to the pantheon?

How did you kill a god?

And how could they come back from that?

An impact to his shoulder tore him from his thoughts, the force of it made him stumble, legs twisting and giving out under him. It was only due to Jeremy catching him against his chest that he didn’t fall on his ass. Gavin blinked from where he landed in a half-crouch, looking up at the hooded figure he’d run into. He’d never seen a Hunter up close, but even from his slightly lowered angle, all he could see under the cowl was shadow. It made him think magic was involved, somehow.

“Watch where you’re going, pal,” Jeremy snapped behind him, helping Gavin back onto his feet and brushing off his arms for some weird reason. It wasn’t like Gavin landed on the floor and got his robes dirty or anything.

The Hunter turned their gaze to Jeremy, looking him up and down. Jeremy glared back, visibly bristling.

“Well?” Jeremy asked, tone sharp and curt. “You gonna apologize, asshole, or what?”

The Hunter’s eyes flicked from Jeremy to Gavin, tilting their head. “I haven’t seen you here before. Who are you?”

“We’re acolytes, numbnuts,” Jeremy spit as he stepped between the Hunter and Gavin, blocking their sightline. “There’s like hundreds of us here, since this is, you know, our temple.”

“Jeremy…” Gavin reached out and squeezed his friend’s shoulder, starting to get worried. The Hunters’ presence drove Jeremy up the wall, leaving him tense and terse instead of his usual easy-going self. Gavin wasn’t sure why. After all, the Hunters were looking for heretics and Sun worshippers, and as far as Gavin knew there were none within the temple, so… nothing to worry about, right?

He couldn’t help but flash back to Lindsay, hurrying into his room to make sure he stayed there, and how High Priest Gustavo interrupted his snooping, leading him away from where the Hunters were hanging out. Remembered the secret he was keeping, about the star he’d seen the night before, and he swallowed down the words sitting on the tip of his tongue.

Whatever was going on, they didn’t want the Hunters near Gavin.

The Hunter looked from Jeremy to Gavin and then back, taking in Jeremy’s protective stance and narrowing their eyes. Not that Gavin could see much of an expression on their face under all that shadow, but the suspicious feeling got across nonetheless.

"You're the one who talked to our Leader," they said slowly, as if tasting the words on their tongue. Their posture shifted, as if reconsidering the situation in that new context. "You're not a mere acolyte."

Gavin saw Jeremy’s jaw clench, just for a second, before he pasted on an easy smile. “Me? Nah. Dunno what you’re talking about.”

The Hunter stepped closer, looming over Jeremy, who didn’t so much as flinch.

“I’m watching you, acolyte,” they murmured, exuding a menacing air.

Jeremy cocked his head, leaning back to look up into the shady hood of the Hunter. His smile took on a sharp edge. “You do that, buddy.”

The Hunter tried to shove Jeremy back, but Jeremy stood his ground, swaying just enough to brush against Gavin’s chest. The Hunter growled, frustration clear in the noise, and whirled around, cloak snapping around their heels as they stalked off. They didn’t spare Gavin so much as a second glance, and he couldn’t shake the feeling that _that_ was the whole point of Jeremy provoking them.

Jeremy glared after the Hunter. Gavin watched until they disappeared around the corner, before turning to stare at Jeremy, whose gaze had not wavered despite no longer being able to see the Hunter. Gavin waited another beat, licking his lips.

“It’s about the ritual, innit?” he asked, keeping his voice low. Jeremy startled from his glaring down the corridor and turned to eye Gavin instead. “The High Priest talked to me about… about my participation. That’s what we don’t want the Hunters to find out about, innit?”

Jeremy mustered him, face expressionless in a way Gavin had never seen on his friend before. Then he nodded, just a short jerk of his chin. Jeremy glanced back down the corridor and sighed, dragging his palm over his bald head.

“Yeah.” His lips curled in contempt. “They’re outsiders, and the Blood Moon rituals are amongst the most sacred. They have no right.” Jeremy snorted. “Of course, there’s politics involved, too.”

“Of course,” Gavin echoed, a note of amusement sneaking into his voice. He glanced down the hallway, too, then turned and nudged Jeremy until they walked in the other direction side by side. “What do they think we’re doing, going to overthrow His Darkness?” Gavin scoffed, then added under his breath, “long may He reign.”

He expected Jeremy to laugh. However, he was surprised to see his lips pursed, glancing back over their shoulders. “That’s not that far off from what they think.”

Gavin let out a disbelieving huff of laughter. “They can’t be serious.”

Jeremy just shrugged, and they turned the corner. As soon as they were out of sight of anyone, Jeremy nodded towards a curtained off prayer nook. They settled down on the cushions with their backs to the wall, the curtain falling open just a slit, allowing them to watch the hall without being seen themselves.

“Every faction has their own goals,” Jeremy offered, eyes fixed on the empty hallway. “Even among those who devote themselves to the same deity. There’s another temple dedicated to… to the Blood Mage, halfway across the world from here.” Jeremy shook his head and glanced at Gavin. “They’re not quite as big or got quite as many worshippers in one place, but there’s an intense competition going strong between the Acolytes from here and from there.”

“But we all work towards what the Blood Mage wants from us, don’t we?” Gavin asked, nose scrunching up. It seemed weird to him, to be working against each other when they shared an ideal to strive toward.

Jeremy coughed, in the fake way that meant he was trying to cover his laughter. “I wish. It’s actually really hard to make everyone work together without sabotage.” He shifted, nudging his cushion closer to Gavin’s, their knees bumping together. When Gavin looked at him, Jeremy cleared his throat. “Do you… do you ever wonder where you belonged to… before?”

“I guess.” Gavin shrugged. It wasn’t like he didn’t wonder, too, sometimes, he just… didn’t particularly care. “I suppose it depends on where I grew up, doesn’t it? If it was in a temple like this, or, I don’t know.”

His lessons never really covered the world outside in great detail. He was aware, vaguely, that there used to be farms but they’d all moved underground once the sun died. Nowadays everyone just used red-light cloches. And… he remembered the chicken farmer from his dreams. As far as he knew, he’d never seen a live bird before, but chickens felt… familiar.

“Do you think,” Jeremy started, ducking his head and staring at Gavin from under his lashes. “Do you think you have people looking for you? Family, or, or friends that… that miss you?”

“Maybe.” Gavin bit his lip. Jeremy was the closest thing he had to compare to family. Did he once have several Jeremys in his life?

“Would you want to know?” Jeremy asked, the words stumbling over each other in his haste to get them out. Gavin cut him a curious look. He couldn’t tell if it was nerves, or excitement, or whatever. The butterflies in his stomach told him which of them he wished for. “If you could, I mean. Know what happened. Recall your life and friends and stuff.”

“Sometimes I wish I could remember,” Gavin admitted, shoulders hunched. Then he sighed, tension fleeing from his form. “But then… I can’t shake the feeling I wouldn’t be here, if I did. So maybe it’s for the best that I don’t.”

Jeremy stayed silent for a long time, before shifting, not quite looking at Gavin. “If you could… if you had the choice… would you…?”

“I don’t know.” Gavin shrugged, pulling his knees to his chest and wrapping his arms around his legs, chin propped on his knees. “I guess… maybe. I like it here, you know? What if I had to leave if I…”

“What if where you went to was a better place, though?” Jeremy argued, voice growing heated. Gavin snuck a sideways glance at him, taking in his grim expression. He didn’t know why this was so important to Jeremy, but… it was. He could see that clearly on his face.

“This is the only place I’ve ever known,” Gavin pointed out quietly. Jeremy met his eyes briefly, winced and dropped his gaze.

“I know, but…” Jeremy bit his lip, hesitating. Gavin bumped their shoulders together, but instead of letting it bounce him back, he leaned against Jeremy’s side. He might not know what Jeremy was tearing himself up about, but Jeremy was his friend. His best friend. He didn’t want him to hurt.

“I guess it’d be cool, seeing other places,” he mused, feeling Jeremy relax next to him. Gavin watched him from the corner of his eye, licking his lip. There wasn’t all that much that tied him to the temple, when he thought about it. High Priest Gustavo, and his own burning need to prove himself, but… when it came down to it, it was Jeremy that made him feel welcome. “Maybe… maybe we could go together?”

His heart thudded in his chest. Jeremy blinked, eyes darting up to meet his. Gavin held his gaze, more confident than he felt, with snakes squirming inside his guts. Jeremy was an acolyte, was on a fast track into the upper ranks. There was no way Jeremy would leave the temple, would leave the Acolytes. Gavin wasn’t stupid, he saw the way High Priest Gustavo treated his friend. He’d been all but chosen to become High Priest after Gustavo.

And Gavin wouldn’t leave without Jeremy. That was the whole point of joining the Acolytes.

A smile broke out across Jeremy’s lips, his whole face lighting up with joy and relief. Gavin fidgeted, wondering if Jeremy could read his thoughts from his expression, wondering if this meant he felt the same. An arm wrapped around his shoulder, pulling him closer to Jeremy, and Gavin tilted his head, ready, hoping for-

“Together,” Jeremy agreed, leaning his forehead against Gavin’s. And it wasn’t a kiss, but it was as good as, with Jeremy’s brilliant smile so close. 

* * *

_He dreamed of him again. The man in the land of light._

_Gavin couldn’t help but wonder, after his conversation with Jeremy. Was this a memory? Was this a place he’d been to, before? If he could remember, would he know where this was, was this where he was meant to go?_

_But, no. It couldn’t be. The sun and all its light died a century ago, and Gavin was in his early twenties, at best guess._

_The man, though. He was… familiar. Achingly so._

_They walked the dark path in silence, the world lit only by the torches stuck into the ground at irregular intervals. The darkness was an unwished for comfort, a familiar embrace in an uncertain world. After all, Gavin never knew anything_ but _darkness, and all his dreams of sunlight made his head hurt and stomach squirm. The night, however, was a welcome friend._

_Gavin felt safe, despite the growing tension of the man by his side._

_Gavin swallowed and gave himself a push. He could mull his questions over when he wasn’t… dreaming. Or whatever. He doubted the stranger would feel inclined to answer him, not after how their last encounter ended, but all Gavin could do was try. So he opened his mouth and asked._

_“Where are we? Who are you? How do you know me? Why was there a sun last time? How does that work, when the sun died a century ago? Could we get a new one? How would that even work?”_

_The sigh that escaped the man was exasperated, but fond, Gavin was pretty sure. Instead of answering, however, he turned his back to Gavin and stalked off the beaten path, brushing through the hip-high flowers growing in the meadow. Gavin scrambled after him before he could vanish into the dark._

_The man led him through the darkness until they came to a lake, maybe even the same one from his last dream. Gavin couldn't say for sure, it looked too different in the shade. There was a pier with a set of torches on either side, and that was where the man stopped, dropping down to let his legs dangle off the side, head lolling back to stare upwards. His cloak spilled out behind him, the silver dots sparkling in the torchlight. Gavin hesitated, before settling down next to him, leaving a safe distance of five feet between them._

_It felt wrong._

_Trying to distract himself from that ominous feeling, Gavin followed the man’s gaze upward, and his breath caught in his throat. Dozens upon hundreds upon thousands of pinpricks of light littered the dark sky, like glitter on a dark blue cloak. Together, they wove a tapestry across the night sky, like the words of the gods written high for all to see. Gavin wondered what they said. A pang of sadness tightened his ribs. So much beauty, so many marvels, lost with the death of light._

_Were his dreams another omen, meant to guide him along his path?_

_But what were they trying to tell him?_

_The man kept his gaze firmly fixed on the firmament, as if looking at Gavin the same moment he finally acknowledged his presence was too much. Gavin bit his lips, watching him from the corners of his eyes. There were more emotions on the man’s face than he could count in the sky, and Gavin had a hard time deciphering each of them._

_“After all these years, you still haunt me, my dear.”_

_His voice was heavy with weariness, and his shoulders drooped as if under a heavy weight. Gavin cocked his head and considered him._

_“How can I haunt you when I don’t even know you?”_

_The corner of his mouth tugged up into a small smile as the man shook his head._

_“What a cruel thing to say.” He paused, eyes dropping to meet Gavin’s, head lowering slowly to follow the motion. He stared as if now that he finally saw Gavin, he couldn’t bring himself to look away. “I suppose it’s nothing less than I deserve.”_

_Gavin hesitated, but… he still wanted, no,_ needed _answers. “What happened?”_

_“It’s my fault, I know,” the man breathed out in a pained whisper, closing his eyes. Gavin jolted forward, the tug on his heart drawing him closer. “It’s all my fault. I should’ve been paying attention, but I was too late. Always too late.”_

_Gavin opened his mouth, only to find himself strangely muted. No sound would escape him, no matter how much he tried. Not that he knew what to say, even if he could._

_The man opened his eyes, tears glittering in the torchlight. “I’m sorry, my dear.”_

_He reached out to cup Gavin’s cheek, and Gavin leaned forward, anticipating the welcome warmth, but before he could-_

Gavin woke with a jolt, raising a hand to touch the cheek the way the stranger in his dreams was about to. The wetness surprised him, and he pulled back to stare at the droplets of waters sitting on his fingers.

Tears.

* * *

A commotion interrupted Gavin during his work, sitting cross-legged in a circle with the younger disciples in a practice ritual. The only one spilling blood was their teacher, but they went through the motions and prayers. Gavin was just passing a bowl of incense on to the student next to him, a kid half his age, when the shouting started. They both fumbled, nearly dropping the bowl.

“Stay here,” the teacher ordered, standing up and heading out to check on the noise. The students exchanged one lone glance, then scrambled up to follow.

The halls were filled with a curious crowd, jostling each other as they tried to get to the entrance hall, where Acolytes had formed a ring around what looked like a ball of entangled Hunters. Gavin looked around, finding a familiar bald head at the inner edge of the audience not far from him and made his way over.

“What’s going on?” Gavin yelled, trying to be heard over the cheers and shouts of the crowd. Jeremy turned his head, pushing back into the crowd to intercept Gavin before he could shove through. They let him pass easily, eager to grab his spot at the front to watch the spectacle.

“The Hunters got impatient and found someone to arrest,” Jeremy explained, rolling his eyes. Gavin glanced back to the pile of Hunters squirming around, catching a glimpse of pink and blonde hair. His heart sank.

“Lindsay?” Gavin looked at Jeremy askance. “What did she do?”

“Things have been tense. They were just looking for an excuse.” Jeremy grimaced. “You know how Lindsay is.”

Cheerfully disrespectful on a good day. Gavin always worried that might get her in trouble one day, but she just waved him off, unconcerned. He swallowed.

“Is there… anything we can do?”

Jeremy cut a glance his way and crossed his arms, shaking his head. “She just needs to hold out until His Excellence shows up to smooth things over. As long as she doesn’t provoke them further-”

“Why don’t you take your Dark Lord and shove him up your ass!” Lindsay crowed from where she’d climbed to the top of the pile, a hush falling over the audience in shock. “C’mon, assholes, you can do better than _him_!”

"Godammit, Lindsay, we talked about this," Jeremy muttered under his breath next to him. Gavin got the feeling he wasn't supposed to hear it, though he couldn’t say why.

One of the Hunters snarled, shoving one of their companions off to free themself from the tangle. They circled around their fallen comrades until they had a clear path and then rushed Lindsay. Gavin craned his neck to watch over the heads of the other Acolytes, heart beating staccato in his chest. Fortunately, Lindsay dodged, tripping them up and sending them flying back into the pile. Then she blew a raspberry at them, because of course she did.

Another Hunter used her distraction to sneak up on her, though, a looming shadow holding a knife aloft, ready to bring it down. The sight turned Gavin’s veins to ice.

“Behind you!” he called out before he could think it through, voice echoing clearly over the din of the crowd.

Lindsay whipped around, raising an arm to parry, knocking their knife hand aside. A vicious grin split her lips, and then she ducked down to swipe their legs out from under them, catching them with an upper hook under the chin on the way down. She grabbed the knife as they dropped it and with one swift motion stuck it into the back of their knee. The Hunter cried out through gritted teeth, back arching.

“Is crawling up his ass just a you thing, or is it a required duty?” Lindsay taunted, standing up. “Why don’t you go look for the stick he keeps in there and remove it?”

The pile of Hunters had finally managed to detangle themselves and were busy sorting out their cloaks. The leader’s hood was dangling from a single thread at the back of their robe, lifting the enchantment to hide her face. It revealed the major scowl darkening her features.

“Hold your blasphemous tongue or I will remove it for you,” she spat.

“Bring it,” Lindsay drawled, shifting her feet to a solid stance and beckoning her.

In response, the leader pulled a blade from its sheath at her hip where the cloak had hidden it from sight. the pommel was long enough to easily grip with two hands, the curved blade long and wickedly sharp. The black steel it was made from seemed to swallow the light, hard to see even in the flickering flame of the torches.

“What, five to one not good enough odds for you?” Lindsay mocked as the other Hunters brought out similar weapons and circled around to surround her. “Think that toy is gonna help?”

A murmur went through the crowd at that, because it was true. The Hunters were an elite force, or so the rumours went, the best of the best fighters amongst the Dark God worshippers. Yet here they were, dominating in numbers, equipment and supposed skill, struggling to arrest a single, unremarkable kitchen maid.

The leader glared her down. “Either you come in quiet to face judgement, or we will execute your punishment right here and now. This is your last chance.”

“Bitch, please,” Lindsay laughed, “as if you could!”

As if that was a signal, the Hunters lunged forward as one, surprisingly silent on their feet. If Gavin had time to give it a thought, he’d assumed they’d let out a battle cry first. Instead they kept quiet, blades dancing in synchronicity. Every second Hunter jolted forward to stab at the same time as their companions pulled back, lifting their blades high to come in for a second swing. Gavin’s heart sunk. So this was it.

Except Lindsay’s laughter rose above the anticipatory hush, free and joyful.

"Eat shit, fuckers!" she crowed, pulling a fist out of a pouch hanging off her belt and tossing her handful in their faces with a twirl. White powder spread like a curtain over the Hunters, hanging in the air like fog. Flour, Gavin thought, bewildered. It covered the black robes of the Hunters from head to toe, too thick to see through. The Hunters shouted and coughed, blades swinging wildly, aimlessly through the whiteness.

When it finally settled, Lindsay had vanished.

Silence descended, the floor coated in flour. Then the stillness broke with a quickly stifled giggle from the crowd. Then another. Not soon after, everyone was muffling their laughter at the sight of the Hunters, elite force of the Dark God, defeated by a simple baker’s ingredient. The leader of the Hunters cried out in frustration. She lifted her blade and pointed at the archway to the outside.

“Follow her!” she bellowed, hair liberally dusted in flour and eyes burning with rage. “Don’t let her get away with… with this!”

“Yessir!” the Hunters shouted as one, falling into formation as they stampeded out of the temple, their leader at the helm. The crowd’s laughter roared up in intensity, following the embarrassed group out. Not few of the Acolytes were barely holding themselves up, arms thrown over shoulders and stomachs folded in half while they laughed. Backs were slapped in camaraderie, and people walked back to their work, shaking their heads.

As the crowd started to disperse, Gavin turned to Jeremy, eyes wide.

“What just happened?”

“Chaos,” Jeremy sighed and shook his head. “Lindsay happened.”

* * *

These are the last words of Fiona, High Priestess of the Sun:

“Do not lose hope, my children. Dark days are ahead of us. But when you fear, look to the sky, wait for the sign of Her return.”

And thus the High Priestess said:

“For Darkness is nothing without light. When you start feeling hopeless, look to the flame: watch as the candle flickers. Light has not left us, and neither has She.”

And as they strung her up for execution, the High Priestess would not remain quiet:

“Wait and be ready, for one day after the darkness She will return. And on that day, may there be a reckoning.”

* * *


	5. Stolen

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Solar Queen is dead, long may the Dark God reign!
> 
> OR in which nothing is as it should be, and Jeremy has a Dark God to comfort.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _You're everywhere I go, deep printed in my soul_  
>  _I can see you, hear you, feel you, smell you, like you're still at home_  
>  _Sleeping beside me_
> 
> _I've really lost control_  
>  _What am I supposed to do, I can't escape the truth_  
>  _Everything reminds me of the fact that I can't be with you_
> 
> \- Stolen by Monrose

_That seemed wrong. Gavin raised his hand and caught the teacher’s attention._

_‘Why would he trick her, though? The Dark God’s the most powerful of the pantheon, innhe?’_

_All eyes turned to him, and Gavin shrank in his seat under the pitying and disdainful looks of students a decade younger than him. The teacher’s mouth was pressed into a thin line as she eyed him._

_‘Perhaps a different parable will help you understand,’ she said, her voice low and sibilant. ‘Listen well.’_

Once all deities in the pantheon were equal in faith and power. Though they each feuded with others, they agreed to work together to create the world. It was a precarious balance, and only the knowledge of the others' wrath stayed their hands as they fought their battles in subtlety.

Above all, the Dark God hated the Solar Queen, for she limited his power with her light. The Blood Mage knew this, and knew of the Dark God’s ambitions. One night as the other gods slept, he approached the Dark God and offered him a knife.

“This is the Godkiller,” he said as the Dark God inspected the blade.

“Nothing may kill a god,” refuted the Dark God, eyeing the blade warily.

“We created life and we created death. Everything obeys the laws we laid in the first place.” He held up the blade to catch the starlight. “On the last Blood Moon I created this, so now it exists and its rules must be obeyed.”

“Tell me the rules,” demanded the Dark God greedily, because his greed for power knew no bounds.

“If you wish to slay a deity, first they must be weakened by treachery thricefold,” explained the Blood Mage. “First you must gain their trust, for they must accept your betrayal as a gift. Second you must gain their consent, for they must give into their weakness willingly. Thirdly, you must reveal your treachery for the blade to kill that deity, and that deity alone.”

And the Dark God acquiesced because the Blood Mage was the god of rites and all he created worked in the steps of a ritual.

And thus the Solar Queen died at the hands of the Dark God, who reigns supreme forevermore.

And thus the Blood Mage became the Right Hand of the Dark God, his most trustworthy ally.

_‘That’s not a parable, though, innit?’ Gavin protested. The class groaned around him. Gavin pressed his mouth into a thin line and soldiered on. ‘A parable is supposed to teach you something through comparison, innit? You just told us what happened.’_

_The teacher’s nostrils visibly flared as she exhaled sharply, pinching the bridge of her nose._

_‘It proves that without the Blood Mage, His Darkness would not have ascended to power, though long may he reign, with the Blood Mage at his side, as his right hand,’ she snapped, and Gavin’s shoulders rose up to his ears. ‘It is the Blood Mage’s wisdom that we follow, for He is clever and cunning, and he has much to teach us. And_ you _still have much to learn.’_

So stop questioning and start listening _, went unsaid, but Gavin knew this dance by now. He sighed and settled in for one more frustrating lesson._

* * *

“I hear you’re conspiring against me,” Ryan drawled, then shook his head with a chuckle. “My followers are all up in arms about it.”

Jeremy glanced up from his work, shaping clay into a bowl. Ryan looked better, he thought critically. Sure, there were still shadows under his eyes, his face sallow and drawn, but… he looked like he’d had a good night’s rest, at long last. Feeling his cheeks heat, Jeremy ducked his head over his work.

“And what am I allegedly plotting?”

“Oh, something about a ritual or other.” Ryan waved him off, but adrenaline spiked in Jeremy’s veins. He froze for only a second, but Ryan knew him and caught the tell. Ryan cocked his head and crossed his arms, leaning against a tree that conveniently sprouted just for the gesture. “Well, well, well. You _are_ up to something.”

“Oh, man,” Jeremy groaned, dropping his head into his hands. The wet clay dripped off his palms before it could touch his face, gathering on the pottery disk to wait patiently. “Please don’t tell any of the others. It’s supposed to be a surprise, and I don’t even know if it’ll work…”

Ryan’s mouth quirked into a smirk, the sight of which quickened Jeremy’s heartbeat. He hadn’t seen Ryan smile since- Well.

“My lips are sealed,” the god promised. “So… is it actually happening on the Blood Moon?”

Jeremy sighed, but peeled his fingers off his face to dart a quick glance at Ryan, before dropping his hands back in his lap.

“Yeah. I mean-” Jeremy waved a hand through the air in a haphazard gesture. A trail of dark red energy followed his hand. “Height of my power, right? Might as well make use of it.” He shrugged, pulling the pottery stone closer and nudging the disk back into turning. “Been running my priests ragged with preparations. Guess it’s no wonder your worshippers picked up on that.”

Ryan grimaced. “They can be… overly ambitious.” 

“We kinda noticed.” Jeremy hummed a tune as he turned the disk round and round, raising the clay higher. He felt Ryan drop down next to him, knees pulled up to rest his head on. It was such a Gavinesque gesture it made Jeremy’s heart twinge. He let the disk slow down, flatten the bowl back out. Without looking up, he added, “We all have some of those. Zealots, I mean.”

“I guess,” Ryan huffed, watching as the pottery stone ground to a halt. “I wish I knew how to tell them to back off.”

Jeremy’s humming trailed off and his brow furrowed in thought. “Maybe tell them I have your permission?”

“You think that would work?” Ryan rolled his head so his temple was resting on his knee and he could watch Jeremy instead as he thought it over. Then he scoffed. “They’ll just think you’re tricking me. You’re the God of Deceit and Liars and stuff.”

“And stuff?” Jeremy laughed, shaking his head. “I thought I was your right hand man. Or god. Whatever.”

Ryan shrugged. “According to them, you made it possible for me to trick Ga- to trick the sun into dying. So what’s stopping you from tricking me?”

“Aside from your almightiness, you mean?” Jeremy teased and shoved the pottery away, keeping a close eye on Ryan. The grin had died on his lips a while ago, but now the corners of his mouths tugged downwards into a frown. He turned and folded his legs under himself, reaching out a hand towards the other. After a moment of hesitation, he settled it on Ryan’s shoulder. “You know none of us blame you, right? It wasn’t your fault.”

“Except it was,” Ryan whispered, so quiet the breeze nearly drowned him out. Jeremy squeezed his shoulder. “If I hadn’t- If I weren’t so stubborn… I should’ve seen-”

“None of us knew it would end like that,” Jeremy interjected, letting his hand drop away as Ryan shook him off. “We didn’t even know death was a possibility.”

“And that frees me from culpability? My lack of foresight?” Despite his angry words, Ryan was curling in on himself instead of lashing out. Turning his fury inward. “I just couldn’t stop, I was so, so damn proud of myself, and look where it got me! I won our stupid competition and now Gavin is- Gavin is-”

Ryan swallowed and buried his face against his legs. Jeremy knelt at his side, hands held up as if in surrender, unsure what to do. After a moment, he dropped them on Ryan’s shoulders, one sliding up to cup his neck, the other rubbing soothing circles into his back. For one long breath, Ryan froze under his hands, but then he uncurled, burying his face in the crook of Jeremy’s neck.

Jeremy pulled him closer, his heart sinking.

“I’m sorry,” he whispered into Ryan’s dark blond curls. “I’m so sorry, Rye. I-”

In times like these he wished he could tell him. Could tell him about the bright little light living amongst the humans, of the hope to return Gavin to them once more. But he didn’t dare.

To give Ryan hope only for it not to work… it would break him.

And that, in turn, would break Jeremy.

So he brushed a kiss against Ryan’s temple and held him close, feeling an incredible weight on his shoulders. It was all in his hands, a fragile egg not yet hatched: Gavin as he'd known him but also as he knew him now; Ryan teetering on the edge of grief for too long; Michael and the other gods, their friends waiting, trusting him; the entire world in the balance… They were all depending on him and his ritual. He had to make it work. He had to.

After a while, Ryan pushed away from him, face turned to the side as he wiped his face with his sleeve. Jeremy averted his eyes to give him some privacy. His neck tingled where Ryan had buried his face, his hair tickling sensitive skin. A phantom sensation of loss that Jeremy squashed ruthlessly.

It wasn't his place. Ryan was his _friend_ , nothing more.

While Ryan gathered himself, he turned back to his pottery. The bowl was as good as finished in all honesty but it kept his hands busy, gave him an excuse to stick around. When he felt Ryan's gaze in the back of his neck, he pretended not to notice, turning the bowl round and round, smoothing out the clay before slowly bringing it to a stop.

"I need to drop this in the kiln." Jeremy didn't look at Ryan as he stood, carefully balancing the bowl in his hands. "You're welcome to come along, but the next part is boring."

He wasn't surprised to find Ryan still seated when he glanced back over his shoulder, but he was surprised to find him still sitting there when he returned from the kiln. Crossing his arms, Jeremy mustered his friend. His face was a little puffy, but no other evidence remained of his breakdown. The crooked half-smile he gave Jeremy seemed to come easier, too.

"Thanks," he said simply, voice still hoarse. Jeremy's heart clenched in his chest, but he replied with a curt nod.

“Anytime, buddy.”

Ryan ducked his head, and Jeremy sighed, pressing the heel of his palm into one eye. Sometimes he wished he could just… bleed the grief and pain from the other, return him to the Ryan he once called friend. But that wasn’t fair to any of them, not the Ryan who lost so much, nor Gavin who died in his arms. And if Jeremy was entirely honest, it wouldn’t be fair to his and Ryan’s relationship either.

He might be the Gods of Lies, but that didn’t mean he wanted to build all his friendships on one.

“Look, if there’s anything I can do for you…” Jeremy trailed off, letting the offer hang in the air between them. Ryan shook his head immediately, then froze, staring at his knees.

“I don’t- Unless…” Ryan hesitated, before looking up to meet Jeremy’s gaze, eyes blue and earnest. “Is there something… anything I can do to help? With your ritual?”

“Other than just telling your worshippers to bugger off?” Jeremy replied in a joking tone, but his face mirrored the serious expression on Ryan’s.

“Yes.” Ryan swallowed, his adam’s apple bobbing in his throat. He sounded hoarse. “Anything. I- I know I’ve been… distant, recently. I, I just need something, anything to do. To help.”

“Well…” Jeremy trailed off, rubbing a hand over his bald head. Several ideas sprang to mind, one worse than the other. There were many things he could achieve with the help of a fellow god, terrible and wondrous things. But how to go about the important one without letting Ryan in on the gig? An earlier thought came back to him, hitting him over the head and leaving him dizzy with its implications.

_If only I could bleed the pain and grief from him..._

Such powerful grief and regret… how much stronger would the ritual be, how much more likely to succeed if he had _that_?

“There’s… one thing I can think of,” Jeremy said slowly, holding Ryan’s gaze.

“Anything. Please.” His eyes were wide, running red from shed tears. Jeremy swallowed, hard.

“I can’t tell you what it’s for,” Jeremy warned, heart beating a wild staccato in his chest. If he did this, if he finally managed to bring Gavin back… Everything he’s been working toward for nearly a hundred years, coming so close to completion, and this offer, this suggestion falling straight into his lap less than a fortnight away from the fateful day.

It could only be an omen.

“I don’t care,” Ryan returned, words sharp and almost vicious for it. “Tell me what you need.”

Jeremy closed his eyes and took a deep breath. This was it.

* * *

It had been days since the Hunters left. Left chasing after Lindsay, and Gavin’s stomach was knotted in worry for his friend. Only a single Hunter had remained behind, waiting for reinforcements or as a spy, no one was quite sure. The news of Lindsay’s fight with the servants of the Dark God had rippled through the Acolytes like a shockwave, though it couldn’t be much of a surprise to anyone who knew her, surely.

It still had come as a shock to Gavin.

Not because he didn’t know Lindsay, but because he hadn’t expected the Hunters to react that harshly. Perhaps it was a good thing High Priest Gustavo had intervened when curiosity led him to follow the Hunters around. In hindsight, they didn’t seem the sort to take to his questions kindly.

Gavin missed Lindsay. She never minded his endless quest for knowledge.

And yet life at the temple continued, as if Gavin was the only one thrown off balance by recent events. It didn’t even continue on like normal, no, rather the temple turned into a frenzied activity of preparation leading up to the whispered Blood Moon ritual. Everywhere Gavin went he stumbled upon rites of cleansing, on feverish workers melting candles into the right shapes. They resembled nothing more than a kicked over anthill.

Everyone was busy… except for Gavin.

Classes had been cancelled the moment the Hunters were off the premises, the younger ones going through their first rite of initiation in the week leading up to the Blood Moon. As such students were sent into the prayer halls to prepare themselves, to attune to the Blood Mage's commandments. But not Gavin, he was once again barred from participating in this milestone. Even knowing it was necessary, that he was to play a big part in the upcoming ritual, Gavin couldn't help but feel rejected.

He was the outsider. He didn't belong.

Usually when these moods overcame him he'd seek out Jeremy and confess his anxieties, share the dark thoughts that haunted him. However, Jeremy was nowhere to be found. Gavin had looked everywhere, from his usual haunts to all the workstations, he just couldn't find him. He hadn't returned to their shared room even to sleep, Gavin was sure. If he did he slept less than the few hours Gavin managed, and the sheets were always cold and untouched. Gavin had checked.

He was starting to worry.

And a small, selfish part of him grew angry at his friend. Oh, it was great that Jeremy kept busy, that Jeremy was trusted, important enough to take care of tasks far inside the temple. Any other time Gavin would be proud, happy for his friend. Once the Blood Moon was over he would surely skyrocket through the ranks, and Gavin would finally be an official member of the Acolytes, able to stick by his side…

...if Jeremy didn't forget about him, that was.

Shaking his head as if trying to dislodge those thoughts, Gavin strode through the halls with a new goal in mind. _He_ may not know where Jeremy was off to, but the priesthood was the one to delegate assignments. Most of them wouldn’t spare him the attention, but Head Priest Gustavo had always been kinder than most. Besides, maybe he could shed some light on what Gavin was supposed to do to participate, so he could prepare himself. He knew it had to do with the shedding of blood, and he _thought_ he was ready for that-

Gavin rounded the corner at full speed and ran into a priestess.

“Oh, bollocks!” Gavin exclaimed, reaching out to try and catch her. The priestess landed on her butt with a soft _thud_ , the hood of her robes sliding back to reveal long, blonde tresses tumbling down her back. Gavin stared. She seemed… young. Maybe a couple years older than him. A glance at her robes confirmed her status as part of the priesthood, though, in the elaborate trim and embroidery.

“Ouch.” The priestess grimaced, her nose scrunching up funny. Gavin had to stifle a laugh - he was in enough trouble already.

“Apologies, uh… Ma’am.” He offered her a hand and helped her up, brushing dust off her expensive robes. “I, uh, I didn’t see you.”

“I noticed,” she drawled in response, but sounded more amused than annoyed. She flipped her hair over her shoulder and blinked at him. “Sorry, I don’t think I’ve seen you around here before…?” She squinted, taking in his dishevelled appearance. “You’re not a priest, what are you doing here?”

“Oh, uh. I’m Gavin, Ma’am. I’m looking for… well. I was hoping Head Priest Gustavo would know where my frie- my roommate is.”

“The Head Priest is busy, sorry,” the priestess apologized. “But maybe I can help? Who are you looking for?”

“Acolyte Jeremy, Ma’am,” Gavin answered promptly. “He was working with the Head Priest on something regarding the ritual overmorrow?”

“Never heard of him,” the priestess admitted, scratching her nose. “And, uh, drop the Ma’am, please. Makes me feel old.” She shuddered jokingly, but Gavin just stared at her wide-eyed.

“I, uh, didn’t catch your name, Ma- umm.”

“It’s Barbara,” she said, laughing. “Alright, why don’t you describe what your roommate looks like, and I’ll help you search?”

“That… that would be great. Thank you, M- Barbara.”

* * *

That night, Gavin only went to bed with great reluctance, his head whirling with thoughts. Lindsay had planned her dramatic exit, he was certain. She had very deliberately blasphemed and gotten caught, but why? It was hindsight that made him so sure. She had taken to show him the secret door outside only the night before, almost as… almost as an goodbye.

Plus, with how strange Jeremy was acting… well. Gavin was sure Jeremy was avoiding him.

He couldn’t quite get comfortable, his thoughts echoing too loud in his head, and so he lay there, tossing and turning and kicking the blankets off. When sleep came to him, it was slow and simmering, too light to lose awareness. And so Gavin was quite cognizant of the fact he’d entered the dreamworld when he did.

_It was night this time, darkness shrouding the path he found himself on, only lit by flickering torches every couple paces. Nothing better to do, Gavin shrugged and followed the trail as it winded through potted trees and across a fenced in ledge. The gates were open when he stepped through, even though something told him they were closed just before and immediately after._

_He didn’t turn around to check._

_He came to a fork in the road, squinting ahead in the darkness. There was no sign to lead him, but three paths split forward. To his left stood giant trees covered in glass, reflecting the flickering torchlight but too thick to see further into the forest and what might lay behind. Ahead, he could hear the trickle of water and the sound of hooves on soft earth. To his right he could make out little pens and the sleepy noises of clucking hens, feathers ruffled in the breeze._

_Except there was also the ruffle of feathers behind him, now that he listened._

_Gavin whirled around, heart jumping into his throat. He could have sworn he was alone not a moment before, but now there stood a figure not five feet behind him. The light lit them up from behind, hiding their features, aided by a cloak of feathers wrapped around their shoulders, the cowl of it dropping over the person’s eyes._

_But Gavin didn’t need to see her face to recognize her. He_ knew _who it was._

_“Lindsay?”_

_The feather-clad being turned to look at him, and a smile broke out across her face. “Ga-” Her teeth clicked together, expression dimming as her eyes darted over their surroundings. When she looked back at him, her smile seemed forced. “Hey. What are you doing here?”_

_“I-” Gavin blinked and looked around. Lush grass covered long stretches of earth, as far as the eye could see. They were standing on a dirt path, trodden into shape by a thousand feet over the years. And there off to the side of the road stood a small shop, counter laden with baked goods. “I have no idea where ‘here’ is.”_

_Lindsay bounced over to him, the feathered cowl sliding off her head to reveal her blonde hair with its pink tips. The strands vanished among the orange and red feathers of her cape, held together at her throat with a golden clasp in the shape of some sort of bird. Underneath she was wearing a ruby-red gown that swirled and twirled around her in her excitement._

_“It’s my shop!” she exclaimed, clapping her hands together and giving him an eager smile. “C’mon, I’ll show you!”_

_A hand on his wrist and she tugged him after her, ignoring his stuttered protests._

_The shop was bigger once inside than it appeared on the outside. Shelves filled with cakes and pastries lined the sides of the counter, lit by a dangling redstone lamp. Further to the back were cupboards of flour and sugar and salt, a giant oven stretching far into the roof which had seemed much lower just a moment ago._

_“Wow.” Gavin couldn’t help but stare. “This is your place? I mean, this is where you went after… you know?”_

_“After leaving the temple?” Lindsay shrugged. “Sure.”_

_Her tone suggested that there was more to it, but Gavin was distracted by the smell of honey-glazed cinnamon. All of the pastries looked delicious, and Gavin felt the saliva pool in his mouth just looking at them. He reached out for a donut, but hesitated before he could touch it, shooting Lindsay a quick, pleading look. Lindsay threw her head back and laughed._

_“Yeah, of course! Go nuts. It’s all you can eat buffet at chez Lindsay’s tonight.”_

_Giggling, Gavin stuffed the pastry in his mouth, hiding it in his cheek like a small rodent. Lindsay cackled, her eyes glinting merrily in the lamp light as Gavin continued shoving more shortcakes and other bits of sweets into his mouth. Lindsay bounced up to him, jumping to get different bits and bobs from high on the shelves, cheering him on as he tried a bite of every option._

_For the first time since the Hunters arrived, things felt alright. Like everything would be okay._

_The peace did not last. One moment Lindsay was laughing with him, the next her voice died down, her face frozen in horror. Gavin swallowed down the bite of pie, and it felt dry and dusty in his throat. He shot her a questioning look, but Lindsay already burst into action: lunging forward, the shutters crashed over the counter, officially closing the shop. Another leap and a tug on a bit of string, and the light went out._

_“Lindsay? Wha-”_

_A finger on his lips stole the words before they could form, a hand pushed him down into a crouch. They huddled together in absolute darkness under the counter, and Gavin strained to hear anything to indicate what danger they were hiding from. He couldn’t tell what warned Lindsay, or if this was simply a prank she was playing on him. He was reaching the end of his patience when he finally heard them._

_Footsteps._

_Whoever was walking stopped outside on the other side of the counter, and Gavin held his breath, hoping to go unnoticed. Then a sudden knock sounded, a fist rapping against wood, and Gavin jumped, head bumping against the counter above. He yelped, and Lindsay hushed him immediately._

_A pause, and then a voice, infinitely familiar and yet unknown, drawled, “I know you’re in there, Linds. What are you up to now?”_

_Lindsay’s finger remained on Gavin’s lips, a reminder to stay quiet, even as she answered the voice._

_“Oh, you know me,” she chirped, making it sound like she couldn’t care less that the other (a guard? Why else would the man be wandering outside at this late an hour, nevermind checking on Lindsay and her shop?) was onto her._

_The guard let out a put-upon sigh. It took him a while to answer, and when he did his voice was quieter, as if he tried avoiding being overheard, “You’ve got a guest with you, don’t you.”_

_It wasn’t a question, and Gavin felt more than saw Lindsay’s answering grin. “Whyever would you say that, Michael. I would never.”_

_“Ha!” The short exhalation was as disbelieving as it was fond, and Gavin relaxed. He didn’t know why Lindsay was so worked up, he felt safe. “We talked about this, Linds.”_

_“Yeah, we did,” Lindsay replied, her tone growing sharp. It startled Gavin, who looked at her with wide eyes. “He needs more friends than just Jeremy, Michael. He’s never even_ been _outside that bloody temple.” She paused and seemed to grow more cheerful again. “Pun very much intended, by the way.”_

 _“You know why we can’t, Linds,” this Michael person chided, and he sounded too familiar with Lindsay than to be just a random guard. A friend? Gavin couldn’t remember if Lindsay had family outside the temple. It had never come up before. “We can’t all just vanish to the same place without_ him _noticing.”_

_“And we don’t want that, I know, I know.” Lindsay rolled her eyes and cross her arms. “Doesn’t mean I have to like it, though.”_

_Michael huffed, but didn’t disagree with her. “He can’t stay for long, Linds. If_ I _can feel him, it won’t take much longer for_ him _to notice.”_

_“I know.” Lindsay turned a sad smile on Gavin, who didn’t even question being able to see her face again. After all this was just a dream, why shouldn’t the rules of physics be different? “Sorry, Gav.”_

_“It’s alright,” he assured her. Then, because he’s never not been curious, he asked, “Who’s_ he _anyway?”_

_“Well, that would be telling!” she joked, bopping his nose. Her eyes flickered over his shoulder, growing distant, before snapping back to him. “Sorry, but you really gotta go now.”_

_“Go where?” Gavin asked, tilting his head. There were three forks in the road, if he recalled correctly. He wondered which Lindsay would recommend._

_“Back,” she simply said, and then she shoved him, and Gavin fell and fell and fell--_

He woke with a start, dream hanging around his mind like fog, but the details were already dissipating. They parted around his fingers like smoke, but Gavin managed to cling to just enough to set his mind whirring at the implications. The implied threat made him shiver.

Just what danger was out there?

* * *

“The preparations are finished, my lord,” High Priest Gustavo said, bowing low.

The Blood Mage stirred out of his brooding, looking up from the bowl of dark blood. It was darker, more viscous than a human's, but lacked the golden glow of the sun. Blackened by grief, he thought.

“You have done well, High Priest,” Jeremy murmured. He placed the bowl in Gustavo’s hands, raised in supplication. “Send word to the others and start the ritual. The moon will rise eight hours from now.”

“We will be ready, my lord,” the High Priest promised, cradling the bowl carefully. Then, he hesitated. “What about… the sacrifice, my lord?”

Jeremy turned his back on the priest, cape flaring to embrace him.

“I will take care of it.”

* * *

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Quick head's up, there won't be an update on the 23rd in deference of Fiona Appreciation Week and the fics I'm posting for that! So there will be a one week break after next week's chapter, which ends on a leeeeeetle bit of a cliffhanger. So you might want to pause here until the next two are up, if you like <3


	6. Dies Irae

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Solar Queen is dead, long may the Dark God reign!
> 
> OR in which the Blood Moon finally rises. Let the ritual commence!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **Chapter specific warnings** : This is where this story earns it's blood and sacrifice trigger warnings! In relation to that there will be self harm tw, attempted murder tw, and attempted ritual sacrifice tw to varying degrees. It doesn't get gory or super explicit, but please be aware and proceed with caution.
> 
> I've also been reliably informed that this chapter gets pretty creepy. Whoops?
> 
> ***
> 
> _Days of damnation, the end has begun_  
>  _Worthless the prayers as judgement goes on_  
>  _Open the book, whom to bless, whom to blame_  
>  _The earth it will perish in ashes and flame_
> 
> \- Dies Irae by Beyond the Black

Once upon a time there lived a simple farmer.

The simple farmer lived alone at his farm with only chickens for company. He had one of every kind: white chickens, brown chickens, blue chickens and green chickens, yellow and red, gray and black.

The simple farmer loved his chickens very much, and his chickens loved him. To prove just how much they loved him, each of the chickens would bring him gifts: feathers and eggs, certainly, but also priceless jewels and rare materials. The simple farmer lived a simple life, selling some of their gifts and keeping others.

One morning the simple farmer went out to greet and feed his chickens, only to stop on the threshold of his home. There in front of him, in the middle of his farm laid a giant egg. So big was this egg, the simple farmer himself could fit into it twice over!

So he went in search of his chickens, and asked them each in turn, 'Is this egg a gift of yours?'

'No,' said the white, the brown, and the blue chicken.

'I wish,' answered the green, the yellow, and the red.

'Oh, absolutely,' lied the black, and the grey, but the simple farmer knew they were simply hoping for a treat.

And thus the simple farmer knelt before the giant egg and prayed to the gods for he knew a blessing when he saw one.

He thanked the god of farms and animals, for entrusting the giant egg to his care. He knew it was an honour and privilege to be chosen.

He prayed to the god of food and growth, for it must be his will to bless the simple farm's harvest to support the creature to hatch from this egg.

And last but not least, he called to the Fae Knight, for an egg this big fey magic had to be involved. He asked for help in hatching and raising whatever creature the gods tasked him with.

And the Fae Knight answered his call.

* * *

“There you are!”

Gavin whipped his head around at the familiar voice. “Jeremy!”

“I’ve been looking for you,” Jeremy said, voice upbeat and cheerful as he crossed his arms and leaned in the archway. Gavin sputtered in indignation.

“I could say the same about you, you- you- mong!” He dropped what he was doing and stood up, eyes roving over Jeremy’s form. He seemed fine, no fresh scars or still healing wounds. Taking a deep breath, Gavin felt himself settle. Then he narrowed his eyes and put his hands on his hips. “Where the bloody hell have you been? Jeremy, I’ve been worried, Jeremy!”

Jeremy blinked, his expression surprised. Gavin glared harder.

“I, uh… I’ve been busy?” Jeremy scratched the back of his neck, smile growing uncertain. “Sorry to worry you?”

“You better be,” Gavin huffed, but dropped his hands off his hips and bit his lips. “So… can you tell me about what you’ve been up to?”

“Actually-” Jeremy’s grin grew back to full size, so bright it might as well be blinding. Gavin’s heart skipped a beat. “-I can do you one better. C’mon!”

Jeremy beckoned him to follow, so Gavin did, curious despite himself. This was new. “Wait. Are you actually going to show me?”

“Yup!” Jeremy bounced on the balls of his feet next to him, their shoulders bumping. Then he settled, growing more serious. “The Blood Moon’s risen on the horizon. It’s time.”

“Oh.” Gavin’s heart picked up speed, racing away in his chest. “I… I don’t know what to do.”

“Don’t worry, I’ll guide you through it,” Jeremy waved his concerns off, and the words did lift some of the weight off Gavin’s shoulders. “There’s not much you need to know. You just need to be willing.”

“I am,” Gavin assured him immediately, shooting Jeremy a quick sideways glance. Jeremy beamed back at him, but his eyes were guarded. Nerves fluttered through Gavin and he swallowed, tearing his gaze away and looking straight ahead. He wanted to make Jeremy proud. Wanted to prove himself to the priesthood, become an Acolyte for real.

He wanted to follow Jeremy next time he up and disappeared, and not be left behind again.

They took the stairs all the way to the top of the temple, past areas Gavin had never so much as glimpsed. He knew of the ritual chambers deep under the temple, but here there were more with panes of glass decorating parts of the walls. It took until they reached the last set of stairs for Gavin to realize what they were: windows. A remnant of a time when the sun still lit up the sky. He wondered how many rituals were lost alongside the light of day.

Gavin followed Jeremy into the chamber at the top and stared.

The entire priesthood had gathered, clumped together in small groups whispering, while yet others lit candles in concentric circles. In the middle of the room stood a massive altar of black marble, veins of grey and crimson running through the stone. It was wide enough for a person to lay down on it and they wouldn’t be able to reach the edge even stretched out. Above the altar the ceiling opened to the dark sky, the rising Blood Moon casting a reddish glow on the stone.

After a moment of hesitation, Gavin trailed in after Jeremy.

Heads turned as they passed, whispers growing hushed and agitated. Gavin felt his shoulders hunch up to his ears, but Jeremy ignored them, making a beeline for a group by the altar. Head Priest Gustavo greeted them with a nod, dismissing the priests he was talking to mid-conversation. They seemed a bit miffed about that snub, Gavin observed, but he was distracted by a familiar face. He gave Barbara a shy smile and finger-wave. Her eyes widened as she recognized him, freezing in place.

Gavin lowered his hand slowly, feeling awkward.

“Mi- Acolyte Jeremy,” the Head Priest addressed his friend, giving him a slight bow Jeremy mirrored. It was deeper than a mere acolyte warranted, setting the priests around them to muttering. Gavin felt smug. He knew Jeremy was destined for great things, but having it confirmed felt good.

"Head Priest," Jeremy acknowledged him. A glance at Gavin, and then all his attention was focussed on the leader of the temple. "How are preparations proceeding?"

"Quite well," Gustavo replied, inclining his head. "We should be able to commence within the hour, if you are ready…?"

He trailed off, shooting a significant look Gavin's way.

"Just about," Jeremy said cheerfully. He threw an arm over Gavin's shoulder, squeezing him to his side. "We just need to get him anointed, and then we're good to go!”

The Head Priest’s gaze travelled over him, and Gavin became acutely aware of how dusty his robes had become during his boredom induced mischief. He tried to brush them off inconspicuously, but failed judging by the Head Priest’s thin lips twisting into a curl of distaste.

“If you say so.” The Head Priest looked over his shoulder and motioned one of the others over. “Make sure to have the preparations finished post haste. And you-” He pointed at another. “-check it’s been set up with proper precision. Go! We’re on a tight schedule here, people!”

Gavin watched as the priests scurried off to see to their tasks, the first inkling of nerves making themselves known in his stomach. Jeremy bowed his head together with the Head Priest, listening closely to the quiet words and replying in a similarly soft voice. Gavin swallowed, feeling out of place once more.

"Gavin?"

He turned to Barbara, mouth quirking up on one side with relief. She hadn't been able to help him, but at least she tried, unlike everyone else among the Acolytes. And it had been fun, talking to her, passing the time. It was… less lonely.

"Hey Barb." He stepped back from the altar and closer to her. "You excited for this ritual?"

"I… yeah, I guess." She gave him a distracted smile, gaze flickering over to the Head Priest. "I, uh, didn't realize you'd be participating."

“Yeah.” Gavin licked his lips. “They, uh, they wouldn’t let me spill blood before today. So tonight can be my first.”

“You’re the Sacrifice?” Barbara exclaimed, sounding shocked. Gavin shot her an odd look, wondering at the strange emphasis. But before he could ask, Head Priest Gustavo walked over to them. Barbara looked conflicted, but bowed her head and stepped back in acknowledgement.

“Disciple Gavin,” the Head Priest greeted him, carrying a bowl over.

The liquid inside was dark and didn’t move even as the Head Priest walked. Gavin stared, feeling a magnetic draw to that bowl. Head Priest Gustavo dipped two fingers into the liquid, causing it to ripple, distorting the images it reflected in a most mesmerizing way. Drops fell into the pool, disturbing it further, creating a soothing sort of rhythm.

“Disciple,” the Head Priest said sharply, making Gavin flinch. Glancing up, he saw the Head Priest scowl, fingers raised and liquid dripping down into the bowl. Gavin tore his gaze away from the hand and locked eyes with the grumpy Head Priest.

“This is your choice, Disciple,” he said, scowl deepening. The dark blood drip-drip-dripped from his fingers, the sound loud in the murmur of the chamber. “You must agree of your own free will.”

“I am,” Gavin replied, licking his lips. His eyes flickered to Barbara’s pale face, and he straightened his shoulders. “I agree to participate in this ritual of my own free will.”

The next droplet hit the bowl with a resounding chime.

“And do you, Disciple, agree in the full knowledge that this ritual will change you, that you will be reborn by the power of our Lord, the Blood Mage?”

The Head Priest’s eyes bored into him with a heretofore unfamiliar intensity. Gavin swallowed and nodded.

“I do,” he croaked, throat suddenly hoarse. Another chime, this one more like a distant bell, echoed through the chamber. The buzzing of the priests faded away.

“Your Sacrifice is honoured by our Lord,” Head Priest Gustavo murmured and raised his hand. Gavin closed his eyes as the tips of his fingers touched his forehead, drawing a sickle shape with the strange blood. It clung to his skin, first cold, then hot, settling into a pulsing rhythm of ever changing temperature.

“We accept and thank you,” the crowd chanted as one.

Gavin blinked his eyes open and turned around to see the priests had surrounded the altar in a half-circle, in between the candles flickering on the ground. Their hoods were up, throwing their faces in shadows, but Gavin thought he saw Barbara’s golden locks on one priestess in the front. Gustavo cleared his throat, and Gavin turned back, a flush creeping up his cheeks. Wordlessly, he held out his hands, palm up. The Head Priest took them gently, painting a dot of the blood on his wrist where the veins gathered.

The blood flashed an almost purple colour. Gavin blinked, but the light was already gone, and he wasn’t certain it wasn’t just his imagination.

“Your Sacrifice will bring peace to this world, as our Lord demands,” the Head Priest continued, going slightly off script. Gavin’s head snapped up to stare at him.

“Praise be the Blood Mage, who guides the way,” the priesthood intoned.

Gustavo squeezed his wrist once, then turned his back on him, striding up to the altar. He lifted the bowl of blood above his head, where the light of the Blood Moon hit the liquid, turning it from a dark crimson into the gleaming red of freshly spilled blood.

“We offer you this Sacrifice,” Head Priest Gustavo started, and the priesthood fell into the Prayer of Preparation, voices mingling until they became one droning noise. Gavin’s lips moved with them from sheer habit, but no words escaped them. The Head Priest set the bowl down and held up the ceremonial dagger next, blessing it by submerging it in the strange blood. Someone bumped into him, and Gavin startled, jumping half a foot in the air.

“You alright?” Jeremy whispered, reaching out to steady him. His hand was warm on Gavin’s arm, even as the blood on his skin ran cold.

“I… yeah.” Gavin glanced around, eyes darting between the bowed heads of the distracted priests. His hand snapped out to grab Jeremy’s arm, pulling him in closer as he hissed, “Jeremy, I have no idea what to do, Jeremy.”

“You’ll be fine, Gav,” Jeremy said in a reassuring tone, but the butterflies in his stomach wouldn’t settle. Seeming to notice his nerves, Jeremy’s expression softened, and he leaned in to whisper. “You’re fine, Gav. Just trust me, okay?”

“I do,” Gavin assured him immediately, swallowing past the lump in his throat. “It’s just… no one talked about what I have to do aside from, y’know, giving my blood.”

“Willingly,” Jeremy added almost absentmindedly, eyes flickering across the gathered priests before landing back on Gavin with a self-deprecating smile. “I guess we’ve skimped a bit on the details. Just… it’s the usual call-and-back, okay? Just answer the questions honestly and you’ll be fine. It’s more the intention than the words, really, as with all rituals.”

“I, yeah, okay, I can do that,” Gavin muttered, taking a deep breath. The corners of Jeremy’s eyes crinkled, and with sudden double-beat of his heart, Gavin realized how close they were, heads bowed together. His gaze dropped down to Jeremy’s lips, looking soft and plush. He flicked his eyes back up to catch Jeremy’s and decided, screw it.

“I’ve, uh, I’ve been meaning to tell you something, Jeremy.” He licked his lips and swore he saw Jeremy’s eyes drop to track the motion. Courage thus bolstered, he gave himself a push and continued, "I've been thinking, especially when I couldn't find you all last week, and… it was different, before I mean, because Lindsay was there, too. Not that that's the same, of course! I just…"

Gavin took a deep breath. It was now or never.

"Jeremy, you're my best friend, Jeremy." Gavin met Jeremy's curious gaze steadily, hoping to convey his sincerity. "You're all I have, Jeremy. All that matters, I mean."

Jeremy reached up to cup his cheek and leaned in. Gavin mirrored him, heart dancing a jig in his chest. He couldn't believe it, Jeremy really was going to kiss him- Their foreheads bumped together, and Gavin flinched back a little in surprise. Jeremy quirked a smile, thumb sweeping along Gavin's cheekbone.

"Gavin, I-" Jeremy choked out, and the pained note in his voice distracted Gavin from the warmth spreading over his face and neck.

"Jeremy?"

Jeremy seemed to struggle with his words, so Gavin leaned in cautiously and carefully brushed a kiss to his cheek, almost the corner of his mouth. Jeremy pulled back and closed his eyes, shaking his head.

"Don't. Just- don't."

Gavin's heart sank, and he turned his face away, hoping Jeremy wouldn't see his disappointment. The hand cupping his cheek not a moment earlier trailed after him, the tips of Jeremy's fingers skimming over his cheek and jaw before dropping away.

"Gav. It's not-" Jeremy stopped himself, hesitated. Gavin glanced at him from the corner of his eyes, read the frustration in his expression. "I… after the ritual. We'll talk, Gav, okay? Just-" Jeremy’s nose scrunched up. “You might… remember things, Gav. From before. The ritual- it’s strong. It’ll change you.”

“Jeremy, it won’t change how I feel about you, Jeremy,” Gavin retorted, annoyance rising in his chest. Didn’t Jeremy know? Couldn’t he see he was doing this for _him_? “I won’t let it.”

But Jeremy still hesitated. He stared at Gavin with guarded eyes, tumultuous feelings flickering over his face. Then he ducked his head, hiding his expressions.

“If you still feel like that after… we’ll talk. I promise.”

Gavin narrowed his eyes, taking a half-step back. "I'll hold you to that."

He wanted for Jeremy to reach out, pull him back in, and for a moment it looked like Jeremy was going to. But then the chanting of the priests around them crescendoed, and Jeremy looked away, towards the altar. The tension in the air sizzled, a tangible taste of citrus and iron rising. Jeremy stepped forward, as if drawn to the center of the ritual, then stopped and glanced back at Gavin.

They stared at each other for the longest second Gavin ever experienced, but Jeremy was already moving away, beckoning for Gavin to follow. Gavin bit his lip and did.

Jeremy’s eyes… just now they had a far away look to them.

Was that why Jeremy never made a move before? Even though there was clearly… _something_ between them? How long had Jeremy been afraid of opening himself up to that pain? To wake one morning only to find Gavin changed, having recovered his memories?

Had he suffered in silence every time Gavin brought up his dreams?

As Gavin followed Jeremy towards the altar and the Head Priest, he resolved that his past wouldn't matter. He wouldn't _let_ it. If he'd been the sort of asshole who would do that to Jeremy then… well, then he just had to change again, wouldn't he? Who he was now wouldn't be erased just because he remembered who he used to be!

Jeremy stepped into the beam of red light, head tilted back, and everything just… stopped.

The priests watched quietly as Head Priest Gustavo bowed to Jeremy, who didn't even acknowledge him. He was staring up at the Blood Moon, something strange to his expression. The Head Priest mustered him for a moment, then gestured Gavin to step up, even as he himself fell back into the ranks of the priesthood.

"We have gathered here today to bring you this Sacrifice, my lord," Gustavo intoned, and Gavin walked up the steps to the altar. He paused just outside the red light cast by the moon.

"May this Sacrifice please you, oh lord," the priests incanted together.

Jeremy's head, still tipped back, rolled on his shoulders to watch Gavin, who shrank back in shock. Jeremy's eyes were solid black, with tendrils of crimson smoke wafting off them.

"Is the Sacrifice here of his own free will?" Jeremy asked, his voice echoing through the chamber. It sounded off.

When no answer came from the waiting priests, Gavin swallowed and set his shoulders.

"I am."

Jeremy turned to face him, hands stretched out towards him. Gavin took them instinctively and was pulled into the pillar of red light.

“With this Sacrifice, everything will change. For a century now this world has lain in darkness. But tonight, the night of the only light we have left, we set forth to bring the world peace.” Jeremy’s gaze wandered over the praying priesthood, before landing on Gavin. “For this world of peace, are you willing to Sacrifice?”

“I am,” Gavin repeated, weaker than before. He could feel his hands tremble in Jeremy’s grip. He hadn’t expected the rumours to be true, that the Blood Mage was attempting a coup. But he was determined to see this through.

“For the light we have lost, are you willing to Sacrifice?” Jeremy asked, and Gavin jerked his chin down in a nod.

“I am.”

Jeremy mustered him with a frown, seeming to read the hesitation in his voice. The furrow of his brows softened, a quirk of his lips turning his grim look into a smile.

“What is it that you seek, Gavin? What brings you here to agree to this Sacrifice, enormous and world-changing as it is?”

Gavin bit his lip, dropping his gaze. Jeremy’s thumb caressed his knuckles, and with a tug he was pulled closer to his friend.

“Gavin,” he murmured, voice gentle. “It’s alright. You just need to be honest, remember?”

“You,” Gavin croaked, then cleared his throat. Lifting his head, he met Jeremy’s startled gaze. “For you.”

The drying blood on his skin started pulsing in sync with his heartbeat, and Jeremy’s surprised expression started to light up in a soft, yellow glow. Startled, Gavin pulled a hand out of Jeremy’s grip and turned it around. The dot of dark blood was turning golden in colour, sprinkled in between the dark red. Like tiny stars littering the sky.

When Gavin looked up, Jeremy was staring at him in wonder, as if he’d never seen him before. The black faded from his eyes, leaving only small curls of red smoke behind.

“Gavin-” Jeremy cut himself off, tearing his gaze away to glance over Gavin’s shoulder. His adam’s apple bobbed in his throat and he straightened, setting his shoulders. “Do you accept the consequences of this Sacrifice?”

“I do,” Gavin whispered, eyes not leaving Jeremy’s. Jeremy closed his eyes, looking pained.

“What Sacrifice do you bring before Us?” he asked, breath hitching. “What are you willing to give, Gavin?”

“Everything.” This answer came out strongest. Gavin could feel the love and fondness for Jeremy fill his chest, and he knew it was true. For Jeremy he would give anything and everything asked of him.

Brown eyes opened to look back at him in awe, mixed with a weird sort of sadness. But before Gavin had time to ask, Jeremy stepped back, tugging him with him by the hand. They came to stand before the altar, and Jeremy pushed him to sit, then lie down on it. For a moment, Gavin allowed his gaze to follow Jeremy as he set down tiny bowls of incense on each corner of the altar over blood-red candles. The bowl with the submerged dagger was set above his head.

Then he looked up and saw the Blood Moon directly above him, risen to the peak of its arc.

For a ritual only cast once upon a blood moon, it was surprisingly simple. Then again, Gavin supposed there was power in simplicity. And for all that he was finally initiated into the Acolytes, Gavin didn’t know the secrets of rituals yet, only the basics. Perhaps the incense burning in its tiny bowls was of particularly rare plants, or the time everyone spent hurrying to mold the candles into certain shapes especially significant.

He watched the candles flicker in the breeze. Time felt hazy as the priests chanted, the droning voice of Jeremy’s prayer swimming in and out of focus. At one point he was offered the ceremonial dagger, and he cut into his palm without thinking about it. The pain penetrated the fog which had descended on his mind, but it was already settling back in as he watched his blood trickle into an indent of the altar.

It glowed like gold under the candle light.

“The Blood Mage asks, what are you willing to give?” Jeremy’s voice pierced through the veil, and Gavin met his crimson eyes. “What are you willing to give for the world?”

“My blood,” Gavin offered, vaguely recalling his line from endless hours in practice rituals.

“And the Blood Mage asks you, what are you willing to give for the light?”

Gavin frowned. Jeremy told him to answer honestly, so he gave it a moment of thought. A memory of sitting outside the temple with Lindsay swam to the forefront of his mind, discovering that single tiny star. How beautiful would the night sky look, with thousands of those tiny dots?

“A lot.”

“And I ask you, what are you willing to give-” Was it just Gavin’s imagination, or did Jeremy hesitate? “-for me?”

That deviated from the standard script. The question should be, what are you willing to give for our Lord, the Blood Mage. But Jeremy had asked, and he would give him the same answer every time.

“Everything.”

And then Jeremy’s bald head was haloed by the crimson of the Blood Moon, mirroring the colour of his eyes as he hovered above him. The ceremonial dagger was grasped firmly in his left hand.

“I accept,” Jeremy croaked, and a hush fell across the chamber. Gavin blinked, captivated by the beauty of Jeremy’s face awash in red light. “I accept everything you are willing to give.”

His expression never changing, Jeremy raised the ceremonial dagger high above his head. Gavin’s eyes trailed after it, marvelling at the rubies on the hilt, the glint of silver amongst all the red and gold light filling the chamber. The magic rose, thick in the air like the humidity of jungles and close to suffocating. For a single, suspended moment, nothing happened.

Then the dagger descended and gold light exploded.

It filled the chamber, washing over the red light of the moon and the weak yellow of the candles. Wind buffeted at robes, seeming to freeze Jeremy’s hand in place. But Jeremy’s expression turned to grim determination, and he struggled to push the knife down. Gavin couldn’t help but smile at his stubbornness, fondness swelling in his chest.

The light pulsed with the beat of his heart, and with each the dagger came closer to his chest.

Gavin watched with passive interest, drawn inexplicably to the dagger’s arc. His mind was blessedly empty of thought, leaving him free to watch the way Jeremy’s fingers turned white in their grip on the dagger, the way he bit his inner cheek, the furrow of his brows and the glint of determination in brown-red eyes.

He was so beautiful it took Gavin’s breath away.

Their eyes met, and Gavin’s smile widened. Jeremy’s lips moved, but he couldn’t hear over the noise of the wind. The question in his eyes was easily understood though. Gavin licked his lips and mouthed his answer a third time. _Everything._

A din like a thousand glasses exploding enveloped them, all the shards dropping to the floor - _clink, clinkclink, clink_ \- as the magic crested. Crimson light washed over golden, eating away at its dominance. The rumbling of storm clouds reverberated through the chamber, leaving him jittery down to the bones. The crash of thunder, and the dagger stopped with the tip digging into his chest as Jeremy’s head snapped up, gaze torn away from Gavin.

Lightning struck next to the altar, jolting through the hole in the ceiling, and another boom of thunder rung in Gavin’s ears.

All the candles extinguished as one, blown out by a sudden gust of wind, leaving the entire chamber dark except for the red-lit altar. Gavin blinked, feeling dazed. A dark figure stood in the middle of the ritual chamber, just outside of the Blood Moon’s circle of light. Another gust of wind, and the hood of the robe was blown back, revealing a familiar face.

Gavin’s heart skipped a beat only to come back twice as fast. This was the man from his dreams!

The man met Gavin’s curious gaze, before his eyes flickered to the dagger sticking in his chest and his expression tightened. Another flick, this time to Gavin’s limp and bleeding wrists, then he turned his darkened glare to Jeremy.

“What,” he hissed, and his voice rung out just as loud as the thunder he arrived with, “is going _on_ here!?”

* * *

"Well, that's not good," said the woman, peering into the darkness.

"No, you think?" the man next to her scoffed. He reached up for the handle of his sword, strapped to his back, as if to check it was still there. The woman turned to him, arching a brow.

"At least the moon sheds some light," she mused, giving the man a pointed look. The man narrowed his eyes at her.

"What are you looking at me like that for?" He gestured towards the stone building in front of them. "Blame them!"

"I am," the woman retorted cheerfully, for all appearances without a single worry. She stared off into the distance, and the man followed her gaze. "What are you going to do about it?"

"Why me?" the man grumbled, but was already moving towards his mount. Over his shoulder, he tossed the woman the question, "You coming?"

"Of course!" She sounded offended, even as she hopped onto her own borrowed mount. "Where else would I go?"

With the sound of beating wings on the wind, they took off.

* * *

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Umm... sorry? I feel like I should say sorry? :'D
> 
> (Also, reminder: no update next week as we're pausing for Fiona Appreciation Week! Our regular schedule will resume as usual after that <3)


	7. No More Lies

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Solar Queen is dead, long may the Dark God reign!
> 
> OR in which secrets are revealed and nobody is happy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **Chapter specific warnings:** major angst, depictions of blood and injury
> 
> ***
> 
> _No more lies_  
>  _The price I have to pay is way too high_  
>  _No more lies_  
>  _No I don't want to make this sacrifice_  
>  _I never will cause I don't want to live with all your lies_
> 
> \- No More Lies by Krypteria

Once upon a time there lived a simple farmer.

The simple farmer lived alone at his farm with only chickens for company. He had one of every kind: white chickens, brown chickens, blue chickens and green chickens, yellow and red, gray and black.

The simple farmer loved his chickens very much, and his chickens loved him. He loved them so much that the gods granted him a gift: a special egg, as big as the farmer was tall and at least twice as wide. From this egg hatched a special creature, one not seen by men before. The simple farmer was chosen to raise this creature for he had shown how much he loved all animals, but especially those with wings.

As the hatchling dragged itself out of its shell, the simple farmer watched it in quiet contemplation and named it thusly: dragon.

The little dragon ate everything the simple farmer thought to offer it, from eggs to fruits, it ate and ate. And as it ate and ate, the little dragon grew and grew. Soon the little dragon was little no longer, and the simple farmer could barely reach its shoulder with his outstretched hand as he brushed and polished its beautiful scales.

And as it grew in size, so grew its appetite, to the point where the simple farmer gave it everything to eat that he had, with nothing left for himself or his chickens, and still the dragon was hungry.

So the simple farmer knelt before the broken remains of the dragon’s egg, the shell a monument to the wonders that blessed the simple farmer’s simple farm. He knelt before the broken egg shell and prayed to any god willing to listen.

He prayed the god of farms and animals, for it was his farm that was at risk, and what was a dragon if not an animal? But the god of farms and animals wanted nothing to do with the newfangled creature and snubbed the simple farmer.

So he prayed to the god of food and growth, for he needed more food to keep up with the dragon’s growth, but the god of food and growth was of no help either. He blessed the crops of the simple farm to bear more come harvest, but until then the simple farmer was on his own.

Desperate, the simple farmer called on the Fae Knight for if nature could not help, perhaps fey magic could. And wasn’t the dragon of itself a fey creature? It was the Fae Knight who answered the call for help, appearing in front of the simple farmer.

‘I will help,’ said the Fae Knight, ‘on one condition.’

‘Anything!’ cried the simple farmer in his desperation. ‘I will build you an altar out of the egg shells and tell of your might to any traveller I meet, every villager from here to the next villages over!’

‘I have more than enough who worship me, and bards already tell tales of my might,’ said the Fae Knight, shaking his head. ‘No, what I want is a special steed, not seen before by any human or god alike.’

‘But where would I get such a creature?’ wailed the simple farmer.

‘Do you, or do you not, raise a dragon on this very farm?’ asked the Fae Knight. ‘I will have the dragon for a steed.’

And the simple farmer agreed. Thus the Fae Knight helped the simple farmer raise not only his dragon but also the other animals on the farm. The chickens became more fey than they were before, bringing more and more magical gifts to their simple farmer. No longer did the simple farmer have to worry about his crops not yielding enough, living in rich wealth on his simple farm.

This is the tale of how the Fae Knight gained dragons for all his followers.

* * *

The tension snapped like a rubber band.

Gavin's eyes widened as the haze of the ritual lifted and he could think clearly for the first time since he entered the chamber. His stomach churned. Blood trickled down his wrists into his palms, warm and sticky. With a sudden lunge, Gavin rolled off the altar and retched.

"-that is-"

"-can explain-"

"Did you think I wouldn't-"

Loud voices covered the gagging noises Gavin made as he hunched over his now empty stomach. A twinge of pain shot through his chest, and Gavin raised a quivering hand. His fingers brushed the hilt of the knife, and the pain flared up. Gavin gasped, clutching the hilt in a white-fingered grip.

"-think me an idiot-"

"Fuck you, Ryan, you don't know-"

"-should have listened to the rumours-"

Gavin leaned against the side of the altar and closed his eyes, letting the yelling wash over him. The realization sank in, followed by a growing dread. His stomach turned, and Gavin almost threw up again.

He’d nearly died.

The marble felt cold against his temple, and Gavin pressed his face harder into the stone. His heart hammered in his chest, like a rabbit caught in a predator’s talons. Gavin bit his lip. He didn’t like the implication of being prey, or of Jeremy, _his_ Jeremy being the predator who- who-

Jeremy wouldn’t have killed him.

Would he?

All his hopes, all his dreams crumbled like ashes. The whole _point_ of doing this, the reason he wanted to join the Acolytes and stay in the temple, all of it was to stay by Jeremy’s side. To be able to be close to him, there for him, and he would do _anything_ to get there.

But Jeremy didn’t care, did he? No, he needed a bloody _sacrifice_ , and Gavin had bloody fallen for it!

So much for _trust_. So much for _we'll talk after_.

One hand pressed against the altar for balance, the other gripping the dagger to stop it from shifting deeper, Gavin slowly stood up on wobbly legs. A look across the altar showed Jeremy was still arguing with the stranger he met in dreams, both of them in each other's face as they yelled.

Neither of them paid any attention to Gavin, holding himself up by sheer determination on shaking legs. Neither of them so much as glanced at him as he leaned heavily on the altar, panting through the pain. Too busy with each other and their bloody argument, whatever that was about. Gavin didn't care. His grip tightened on the hilt, and he forced his gaze to land on the back of Jeremy's head.

Jeremy who lied to him. Who manipulated him. Who used his feelings-

“Bloody hell, Jeremy!” Gavin yanked the knife out of his chest, spraying a handful of droplets over his less than pristine robes. “Jeremy, what the fuck.”

Jeremy stopped short, turning to give Gavin a hesitant look. “Gavin?”

“You bloody well tried to kill me, Jeremy!” Gavin threw the knife on the altar, where it bounced off and then skittered across the floor to land at Jeremy’s feet. “Jeremy, I trusted you, Jeremy!”

“You agreed to it!” Jeremy protested. “I asked you, several times-”

“Didn’t know what I was sodding agreeing to, now did I?” Gavin spat, free hand pressed to his chest. Blood dripped onto the altar from between his fingers.

“You said ‘everything’, Gav!” Jeremy said, as if that excused it. As if that made everything alright.

“You _lied_ to me!” Gavin shouted, lashing out. Drops of blood were flung from his hand, flying through the air in a wide arc, splattering Jeremy’s robes and face, as well as the stranger behind him. Though Gavin only had eyes for his fri- who he _thought_ was his friend. Used to think. “You- you lying _smegpot_ -”

Gavin stumbled, barely catching himself on the edge of the altar as his legs gave out. Instantly, the stranger was at his side, grabbing his arms and helping him up.

“Here, let me see-” he murmured, but Gavin slapped his hands away, lurching away from the stranger.

“Don’t touch me!” he hissed, even as he went down to one knee. The stranger hovered above him, a look of concern and hurt on his too-beautiful face.

“You’re still bleeding,” he pointed out in a calm, reasonable sounding voice. “At least let me bandage your wounds.”

“Gavin-” Jeremy spoke up at the same time, coming up behind him, and Gavin whirled around, scrambling to put distance between them. Jeremy’s hands were raised in surrender, but Gavin narrowed his eyes at him, not trusting his innocent act. It was only because he was looking so close, sitting directly under the window in the ceiling that he saw it.

The red bled out of brown eyes as the moon passed its zenith.

It made Gavin hesitate. “Jeremy?”

“Look, it’s not what it seems like,” Jeremy jumped on the chance, words tumbling over each other in his haste to get them out. “Just let me explain, please.”

“...alright. Explain _this_ , then.” Gavin waved a hand at himself with a still sluggishly bleeding wrist.

“It worked! It would have-” Jeremy gestured wildly to Gavin’s chest, a feverish gleam in his eyes. “Look!”

Feeling queasy, Gavin glanced down at his chest. The dagger had left a hole in his robes, the fraying edges of which were stained dark by his blood. The wound itself was still bleeding lightly, but some of the magic of the ritual must still be clinging to him because the red of his blood was glowing a faint gold.

Behind him, the stranger growled. “You were willing to risk his life on a mere _chance_?”

"For the chance to have him back?" Jeremy fired back, and Gavin's traitorous heart jumped with joy, only to crash straight back into reality with Jeremy's next words. "For the chance to return everything back to normal? Like he never died in the first place? Fuck yes, I did! I still do!"

"He could have died!" the stranger pointed out, fury darkening his face. "He could die, and then what?"

"Well, guess what, asshole," Jeremy snapped, stepping over Gavin's prone body to poke the other in the chest, " _that's_ why I didn't tell you!"

"What, can't handle it when someone brings logic into your plans?"

"Because you can't see what must be done! The world is _dying_ , Ryan!" Jeremy declared, before finally turning to Gavin. But he didn't meet his eyes, no, all his attention was focussed on the faintly glowing blood dribbling down Gavin's chest, a fanatic gleam to his eyes. "We can still do it. The ritual bound the magic to him, if we sacrifice the human shell before the moon sinks below the horizon-"

Gavin gaped at Jeremy, unable to believe his ears. What happened to his friend, his crush, who always had a kind word of reassurance for him? Was it all a lie?

"Don't you dare!" the stranger - Ryan? - bellowed, causing Gavin to flinch away. He pushed Jeremy back, putting distance between him and Gavin. "What do I care about a world without my beloved? No, I will not let you sacrifice him for your- your mad vision!"

Gavin scrambled to his feet, leaning against the altar for balance. He edged around the corner of the marble block, away from the argument.

"This will _return_ him to you in all his glory!" Jeremy argued fervently.

"By _killing_ him?" Ryan scoffed. "You think I want a _corpse_ in my arms once more? After everything? No." He shook his head and placed himself firmly between Jeremy and Gavin. "I won't allow it."

"I don't _need_ your permission. I never did," Jeremy snapped back, tendrils of red smoke curling around his fingers. He clenched them into fists, glaring at Ryan. "No matter what the humans believe, you're _not_ the boss of me."

Gavin, who had slowly inched his way towards the ranks of the priests, paused halfway between them and the altar. Did Jeremy just imply the stranger and he… weren't human?

"No," Ryan spoke softly, barely audible over the steady gale howling through the chamber. "But I thought you were a friend. Now I can see the rumours were true. You are nothing more than a traitor."

The wind came to a sudden stop. Everything was silent for one tense second. Then-

"What did you just call me!?" Jeremy looked as taken aback as he sounded offended.

"Traitor," Ryan repeated in a hiss. He stalked towards Jeremy to loom over him, radiating danger and fury both. "You _kept_ him from me for your own sick pleasure. You lied to me. _Pretended_ to be my friend even while you _hid_ his survival, despite knowing of my grief in _intimate_ detail. And for _what_!?"

“I did it for _you_!” Jeremy screamed, throwing his arms wide.

The admission hit Gavin like a punch to the gut. He stared at Jeremy in shock, before his eyes were drawn to Ryan’s face, almost against his will. He could read the surprise there in the slight widening of his eyes, before his brow furrowed and his lip curled in derision.

“For me?” he asked silkily, taking another step forward. Shadows swirled around his feet in agitation. “For _me_? Don’t make me laugh!” He shoved Jeremy back, making him stumble. “If you actually _cared_ about my opinion you would have _asked_!”

“What, like you wouldn’t jump onto the chance of getting Gavin back?” Jeremy crossed his arms and stood his ground. “Whatever it takes to fix _your_ mistake?”

“Not if it means risking _him_!” Ryan snarled, teeth gleaming a startling white. “How long has he been here? How much time did you _take_ from us?”

"He doesn't remember you! Or any of us!" Jeremy shot back, pointing an accusing finger at Gavin without so much as looking at him. "He has no fucking clue who you are!"

Gavin shrank back as two sets of burning eyes were turned on him. Ryan stared at him with a confusing mix of hurt and hope, whereas Jeremy's face was completely blank.

"Is that true, my love?" Ryan asked in a soft voice, quivering with too many emotions. Gavin licked his dry lips, glanced at Jeremy, then nodded sharply. Ryan closed his eyes in pain, his shoulders slumping. "I see."

The vulnerability was hard to witness from the proud man- _god_ \- who stood up to Jeremy not moments earlier and called him on his bullshit.

The triumph on Jeremy's face was even harder to stomach.

"I dreamed of you. Sometimes," Gavin offered helplessly. "I saw you in my dreams."

"And I saw you in mine," Ryan whispered, and Gavin ached at the pain in his voice.

There was a connection between them, Gavin couldn’t deny that. Some part of him felt drawn to the stranger in his dreams, and the same allure pulled him to Ryan here, too. But… Gavin mustered Ryan, the dark cloak reminiscent of the Hunters and the longing writ large on his features. He was a beautiful man, no doubt. But Gavin didn’t know him.

He saw the aching hope in Ryan’s eyes and recoiled.

It was the same look of hopeless love Gavin himself had carried into this chamber… and lost.

His gaze flickered to Jeremy. His stance hadn’t changed at all during the exchange, and neither did his expression. It was still filled with the insistent belief that only Gavin’s death could save the world… and that that loss was worth it.

But he also saw the way Jeremy’s entire body was oriented towards this Ryan, how his eyes never left him, not truly. _For you_ , echoed through his head, the memory of Jeremy’s scream mingling with his own breathless promise, and Gavin’s heart broke.

He never had a chance, did he?

“Wait, is that why-”

The cut-off whisper drifted to him from the priesthood, caught only because it was Barbara’s newly familiar voice. Gavin glanced over his shoulder and realized that she’d known. All the priests had known. That’s why she’d been so horrified when he told her about his part in the ritual.

But before he could follow that thought through, the rest of the whisper reached his ears, and Gavin’s head jerk up in growing dread.

“-not allowed to talk to-”

“Is that true?” Gavin interrupted loudly, and the chamber fell deathly silent. Everyone stared at him, but Gavin only looked at Barbara and Head Priest Gustavo, before shifting his gaze to Jeremy’s steady regard.

“Is what true?”

“Is- Did you-” Gavin swallowed, mind whirring. He’d always felt alone in the temple, out of place. He’d put it down to his lost memories, because- well. Because Jeremy had told him that was it, hadn’t he? Squaring his shoulders, Gavin looked Jeremy straight in the eye, across the altar. “When I came to this temple…”

“I brought you here,” Jeremy admitted, inclining his head. “This was the only place I could think of where you’d be safe.”

“If you’d told me-” Ryan interjected before biting the sentence off, glaring off into the distance.

“It wouldn’t have changed anything,” Jeremy waved him off, not noticing how Ryan’s shoulders hunched at his words, his attention finally, _finally_ focussed on Gavin and Gavin alone.

“I could never make any friends. I was always alone,” Gavin said, watching Jeremy closely, hoping… he didn’t really know anymore at this point. “Until I met you.”

“You needed a friend,” Jeremy agreed, but hesitation was creeping into his voice and expression. He knew where this was leading.

For one moment, Gavin considered letting it lie. To keep one illusion about his life at the temple intact. Gritting his teeth, he pushed on. “Because no one else was allowed.” He glanced back at Barbara and Gustavo and saw the truth reflected in their faces. But. There was one outlier that didn't fit the pattern. “Except... Lindsay?”

“ _Lindsay_ knows?!” Ryan burst out, head snapping around to glare at Jeremy.

“ _Everyone_ knows, Ryan,” Jeremy replied, sending him an annoyed look. “We decided it was best not to tell you.” Then he turned back to Gavin, a conflicted expression on his face. “Lindsay wasn’t part of the plan.”

“She just does what she wants, doesn’t she?” Gavin echoed the rhetorical question they often passed between them in regards to Lindsay. A smile flickered across Jeremy’s face. “So that’s it? You… you isolated me, befriended me, all as part of your plan to… to-”

The accusation killed the smile. _Good_ , Gavin thought viciously.

“It wasn’t like that,” Jeremy objected, crossing his arms defensively. “There were reasons-”

“What reasons?” Gavin pushed, holding on tight to his annoyance. He had nothing else left. “Jeremy, explain this to me, Jeremy. Tell me you didn’t use and manipulate me to your own ends. Tell me you didn’t set me up to agree to this ritual from the start.”

Jeremy, however, remained silent.

Gavin nodded slowly, the last strings of hope slipping through his fingers.

“I thought so.” He closed his eyes. A part of him wished Jeremy had at least _tried_ to lie to him one last time.

“Gavin-”

Gavin shook his head, taking an unsteady step back. Then another, and another.

“Gav-”

His eyes snapped open, and he stared at Jeremy as if seeing him for the first time.

“No, Jeremy,” he said quietly, but he might as well have shouted. The entire room held its breath. “Jeremy, I-” He swallowed and shook his head. “No.”

He could see realization dawn on Jeremy’s face, and his eyes flickered to Ryan. Desperation and longing mixed into his expression, and for one glorious second, Gavin could see the whole picture. Jeremy, so deeply in love with this Ryan, trying to fix this ‘mistake’ the man regretted.

Except they weren’t human, were they? They were _gods_. 

The Blood Mage and… the Dark God.

Who killed the sun. Which Jeremy tried to return to the world.

By sacrificing Gavin’s life… and love.

Gavin turned on his heel, nearly slipping on the blood pooling at his feet, and ran. The priests startled as he pushed through their ranks, every jostle tugging at the wound in Gavin’s chest. They didn’t part for him, exactly, but they didn’t stop him either, too shocked at the revelations of the night.

"Gavin, wait!" Ryan called, but Gavin didn't even hesitate. He pushed past the last of the crowd, breaking out into a run just as Jeremy's voice echoed across the room.

"Stop him!"

Immediately hands reached out for him, fingers brushing over his robes. One priestess managed to snack his outer cloak, pulling him up short. Gavin shrugged out of the sleeves, leaving the cloak behind in favour of sprinting for the door.

“Guards! Don’t let him escape!”

A guard stuck his head through the doorframe, and Gavin used the moment of hesitation as he tried to figure out what was going on to dodge past him and down the stairs, taking them three at a time.

“We need him!”

Jeremy’s voice boomed down the stairs, volume probably magically enhanced. Gavin gasped for breath and clenched a fist in his shirt, pressed over his heart. The wound had stopped bleeding, but still burned something awful. He didn’t have time to worry about that though. Hurrying down the flights of stairs, he could see the halls on the ground floor fill with Acolytes and guards alike, called forth by the Blood Mage’s command.

They couldn’t know which ‘him’ he meant, but Gavin didn’t have the luxury to slow down and blend into the crowd until his injuries gave him away. The Acolytes were spreading out across the main halls, setting up choke points to the front and back entrance. It would be hard to sneak by all of them, and speed was of the essence.

No, he needed an alternate route out.

Footsteps on the stairs above him had Gavin jerk his gaze upwards, seeing the more athletic priests give chase. Cursing, Gavin jumped the railing to the next landing, rushing down the last set of stairs. He burst into the hallway, running into the tail end of a mixed group of guards and priests hurrying towards the front entrance.

When they didn't give him more than a quick glance, he joined their march down the hall until it split. Gavin hung back a couple feet, then [juked down the other path.

No one followed him.

Gavin exhaled sharply. He reached for the hood of his robes only to remember he'd lost his cloak in ritual chamber. His fingers fumbled through empty air before he let his hands drop. Taking a deep breath, Gavin kept his stride purposeful, ducking his head as he passed a group of young Acolytes running in the opposite direction. He could feel eyes on him, but a glance back over his shoulders showed none of them paid more than a second of attention to him.

But they were young, he couldn’t count on being lucky the entire time.

The deeper into the temple he went, the less likely he was to run into anyone as they fanned out along the front and back entrances. But they wouldn’t be waiting forever, there were more than enough people inside to organize search parties. Hiding wouldn’t be an option forever. And his room would be the first place they looked, he shouldn’t risk going there to get his things. What if the guards were waiting for him there? But he needed a new cloak so he wouldn’t freeze, and he should grab some food at least-

Someone bumped into his shoulder, and Gavin froze.

Slowly he rolled his eyes to the corners, to see a hooded figure had joined his faux-purposeful walk down the hall. The black uniform gave them away immediately, it was the Hunter who remained at the temple to keep an eye on things. They matched Gavin's quick pace perfectly and stared straight ahead.

Fuck. Gavin glanced around, but the hall seemed to empty rapidly, no one paying attention to them.

"Can I help you?" Gavin asked in his most casual tone. If there was one thing that was more suspicious right now than walking around injured and bleeding, it was walking in the company of a Hunter.

He needed to get rid of them, and fast.

The Hunter glanced at him, then jerked their chin towards the next archway. Gavin bit his lip, eyes darting around once more, before slipping through the indicated curtain. The room behind it was dark and empty, but the Hunter lit a lamp on the wall after they entered. With the light at their back, their face was completely obscured by shadows.

"You were upstairs," the Hunter declared, folding their hands in front of them, "where the ritual took place, yes?"

Gavin considered lying for less than a second. The Hunter sounded too certain, had probably followed him since he slipped out of the stairwell hall. So instead he nodded once, a sharp, jerky motion. The Hunter hummed in response.

"Tell me. What happened?"

Gavin hesitated. There was no way he could tell the Hunter - the Dark God clearly wanted _something_ from him, and the Hunter would surely feel obligated to turn him in. But… there were the rumours. If he told them just enough to confirm their worst fears- He wouldn't even have to lie. Because the best lie was the truth, just from a certain perspective.

Gavin ground his teeth and clenched his fists. Jeremy taught him that.

"His Darkness was there. He-" Gavin swallowed and forced himself to unclench his hands. He had to appear the right kind of uncertain. "-he interrupted the ritual. The, the Blood Mage, he… he lied to Him? His Darkness called him a traitor, I don't, I don't know. They were… arguing. When I left."

He dropped his gaze and closed his eyes, trying not to remember it. A rustling noise drew his attention, and Gavin blinked, glancing up at the Hunter, who… was taking off his cloak?

"Here," the man said. His brown hair fell like a curtain around his face. Light gleamed off his glasses, hiding his eyes as he held out his cloak for Gavin. "They are looking for you, yes? The Acolytes, I mean."

Shocked, Gavin accepted the cloak with shaking fingers. The cloth felt fine under his touch, more expensive than he was used to. He swallowed.

The Hunter mustered him, then nodded decisively. "Where are you going next? I will divert their attention elsewhere for as long as I can."

"I-" Gavin wrapped the cloak around his shoulders, not taking his eyes off the Hunter. "The kitchens. I need… rations. If I leave."

"Good, that's good." The man nodded, raising a hand to stroke his beard. The gesture absurdly reminded him of Lindsay for one startling moment. "I assume you have a plan to get out, yes?"

Gavin raised his shoulders in a shrug, but paused halfway. The kitchens. Lindsay's secret passage.

The Hunter seemed to read his realization on his face and nodded firmly. "Good. My horse is tied outside, a mare who listens to _Sugarcube._ Tell her Matt sends you, and she will take you to wherever you need to go."

"Thanks," Gavin said, fidgeting with the button on the cloak. He met the man's - Matt's - steady gaze. "But… why?"

Matt shrugged. "All in service to my god, really." His lips quirked into a grin. "Besides, these stuffy assholes annoy the crap out of me."

Gavin bit down on the instinctive urge to defend them, giving Matt a sharp nod. He pulled the hood over his head and felt the tingle of magic as shadows surged up to obscure his face.

"Thank you," he repeated, hearing his own voice get distorted.

No one stopped him in the halls, the Acolytes giving him a wide berth and dirty looks wherever he passed. The kitchens were mostly empty, only a couple staff working away on the preparations for the next day. They watched him closely, but didn't object when he filled two pouches with fruits and pastries, nor did anyone object when he walked into the storage room.

From there it was as easy as finding the tunnel behind the barrels, and then the mechanism for the hidden door behind the cloches. Cold air greeted have m as he stepped out of the temple, and Gavin took a deep breath.

Then he started his descent down the pyramid shaped outer wall and vanished into the night.

* * *

On the seventh day after the Solar Queen died, the Blood Mage gathered the most trusted of His Acolytes. He had sent each of them on a quest for the most powerful of ingredients: incense that burned for a day and a night, candles made out of the blood of the suffering, bowls cleansed with tears of regret.

Two He instructed to build an altar of pure black marble, and another He sent to steal the magic scythe of the God of Farms from which they forged the ceremonial dagger.

The Blood Moon rose, bringing a glimmer of hope. The Blood Mage led His trusted through the ritual, imbuing the ceremonial dagger with what Solar magicks still lingered in the world. Then, He sacrificed the remains of what was once the Solar Queen.

Beware, for once a year the Blood Moon rises.

And once a year, the Acolytes prepare the ritual.

And once a year, the Blood Mage returns for the sacrifice.

* * *

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ...things will get better? Eventually? ^^°


	8. Numb

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Solar Queen is dead, long may the Dark God reign!
> 
> OR in which everyone has to deal with the fallout post-ritual.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  _Practicing blackest magic_  
>  _You cast a spell on me_  
>  _That even today is hard to break_  
>    
>  _While it was turning tragic_  
>  _Part of me stayed deceived_  
>  _Part of me clung to my mistake_  
>    
> 
> 
> \- Numb by Beyond the Black

On the third day after the Solar Queen died, the Blood Mage gathered His most trusted among His Acolytes.

He gathered them in a secret underground hideout through which the ley lines crossed, where they performed the most secret of rites. But before they could perform the ritual He sent each of them on a quest for the most powerful of ingredients:

The first He sent to find incense that burned for a day and a night, which grew in trees far to the south, where the ocelots roamed and mosquitos stole the blood of the unwilling.

The second He tasked to prepare the candles, made from wax which soaked in the blood of those who suffered most recently for a day and a night.

The third He assigned to cleanse clay bowls, made by their own hands and taken freshly burnt from the ovens, with tears of true regret.

Two He instructed to build an altar of pure black marble, seven floors above the secret hideout through which the ley lines crossed, and to baptize it with their own sweat and blood, which henceforth ran in red lines through the marble.

Another He sent to steal the magic scythe of the God of Farms, the blade of which should be reforged into a ceremonial dagger. This very dagger the Blood Mage would imbue with the remaining magicks of the Sun, and only metal handled regularly by the God of Farms would do, for He was a dear friend and father figure to the late Solar Queen.

Four days of hardships untold, they returned to the sacred site, battered and torn but triumphant.

It was the Blood Mage Himself, however, who brought the most important piece to the ritual: the corpse of the Solar Queen, and a willing sacrifice from the ranks of sun worshippers. For the sun priestesses were desperate, and having gotten word from the Blood Mage of the tragedy that unfolded amongst the gods, they were only too eager to set things right once more.

Thrice He asked the Sacrifice these questions, and three times the Sacrifice answered with utmost confidence.

What are you willing to give, asked the Blood Mage of the Sacrifice, for the world?

And thus she answered: my very soul.

And what are you willing to give, asked the Blood Mage of the Sacrifice, for the light?

And thus she answered: my very life.

And what are you willing to give, asked the Blood Mage of the Sacrifice, for the slain Solar Queen?

And the Sacrifice did not hesitate, and thus she answered:

 _Everything_.

* * *

Jeremy paced back and forth in front of the altar. The chamber had emptied when he sent his followers to chase Gavin down, but so far to no avail. Two wide-eyed Initiates had been sent up to clean up after the ruined ritual, except for the drying blood running in trails down the altar, filling the cracks inside the black marble. Jeremy’s gaze lingered on their deep crimson colour for a moment, before tearing himself away.

“We cannot find him, my lord,” Gustavo reported, head bowed low. “But it’s only a matter of time. Guards are posted at all entrances, both known and unknown to temple staff. No one has tried to leave through them.”

“Then he must still be inside the temple,” Jeremy mused, turning on his heel to stop in front of his head priest. He mustered Gus for a long moment, then waved him on, already turning away to continue his pacing. “Go. Search every corner and hiding spot. Find him and bring him to me. He cannot escape-”

“No,” Ryan murmured, too quiet for human ears. Jeremy froze, slowly turning his head to glance over his shoulder at the Dark God. He stood at the window, arms crossed, shadows wrapped around him like a cloak. His eyes were focussed on a point in the distance, his brow furrowed in concentration. “He is far gone by now.”

Jeremy jolted at the implication, turning to fully face Ryan.

“You can feel him?”

A single, seering glare was directed at him before Ryan returned to stare out the window. “Can’t you?”

Jeremy bit down on his retort, following Ryan’s gaze. But even if he concentrated, there was only a gaping hole where the Solar Queen should be in his head. His eyes drifted away from the window, towards the red-stained altar. The ceremonial dagger pulsed with Solar energy when he reached out to it with his magic. However it seemed… weaker than before.

Jeremy frowned.

“I wonder…”

He let his fingers glide through the air above the blade, testing the currents. A warm glow still emanated from the Solar energy trapped within, though it had slowly dwindled in the century since Gavin's death. The ritual had obviously used up a chunk, yet Jeremy still felt hope. Gavin's blood had turned golden, like it used to be when divinity flowed through his veins.

Perhaps even though interrupted, the ritual had still worked, in part.

Ryan had always been more sensitive to light magic, possibly because it was tied so closely to his domain of shadows and darkness, but probably because he spent so much time familiarising himself with Gavin. Glancing up at him, still standing at the window, unmoving, gaze fixed in the distance, Jeremy swallowed.

All he wanted was to make his friend happy.

"Well," he said out loud, trying for a little levity in the oppressive silence. "Not all is lost. It's going to take some time to prepare the ingredients once more, but if some of the power settles in him, chances are good-"

"Don't," Ryan interrupted him, voice tight. Jeremy's jaw snapped shut so hard his teeth clacked, aching. He eyed the Dark God warily. He hadn’t told Ryan of his plans to avoid hurting him, in case things went wrong. Just as no deity had died before it happened to Gavin, none had been resurrected before, either. Jeremy was stumbling in the dark, trusting his instincts and making shit up as he went. There was a risk, yes, but no reward came to those who played it safe.

Ryan’s reaction, however, confused him.

Sure, Jeremy hadn’t expected him to be overjoyed at being kept in the dark, but he’d banked on Gavin’s return to divine life to overshadow those pesky little details. Yet none of it had gone according to plan, even though it started off so well. And now Gavin was out there somewhere, unprotected, and Ryan refused to help him find him.

“Don’t you want Gavin back?” he tried, because surely that much couldn’t have changed.

“You don’t get it, do you?” Ryan kept his tone mild, but Jeremy heard the fury beneath that calm disinterest.

“No, I don’t. Don’t _you_ understand? Gavin’s out there without any memories to guide him, any knowledge of how to defend himself!” Jeremy snapped, the words bursting from his chest, heart beating staccato. “If anyone learns who he is in truth- or if they confuse him for one of the Remnants- if any of _your_ worshippers catch wind of so much as an inkling to what is going on-”

“So I should hand him to you on a silver platter?” Ryan growled. He pushed away from the window, dropping his arms to clench his hands into fists. “So that you can complete what you started here today? I should think not.”

“I can’t protect him out there!” Jeremy yelled, gesturing wildly towards the window. “And neither can you!”

Ryan’s eyes narrowed. “Maybe not,” he agreed, acid dripping from the words, “but what I can do is protect him from _you_.”

Time seemed to freeze, or perhaps it was Jeremy’s heart that simply… stopped. _This must be what being stabbed feels like to mortals_ , Jeremy mused as he stared at Ryan, jaw agape. Swallowing around the knot lodged in his throat, Jeremy closed his mouth, opened it, and closed it again. To his embarrassment, he could feel his eyes sting, tears welling up. He shut them and licked his dry lips, before trying again.

“Ryan, I-” he started helplessly, only to be interrupted once more.

“Your Excellence!” A priestess burst into the ritual chamber, dropping to a knee before the Head Priest with a sideways glance at the gods. She didn’t dare address them directly, however. “The Hunter has left, Your Excellence. The guards didn’t see them leave, but the stablehand turned their horse over to them.”

This seemed to catch Ryan’s attention. The Dark God folded his hands behind his back as he turned his burning gaze onto the priestess.

“Has he, now.”

Jeremy narrowed his eyes at Ryan’s tone. “Have you sent him out?”

“Now,” Ryan drawled, gaze flicking over to Jeremy. He arched a brow. “Whyever should I tell you anything, considering the circumstances?”

“You haven’t,” Jeremy concluded, ignoring the jab. He furrowed his brows as he thought. “Do you think…?”

“And here I was led to believe that what _I think_ doesn’t matter,” Ryan spat, before giving Jeremy the cold shoulder. Instead he mustered the prostate priestess, who shuddered under his attention. “When did this occur?”

“I…” The priestess visibly swallowed, stealing a glance up at Jeremy, who sighed.

“Answer him,” he ordered, waving her to get on with it.

"At least an hour ago, my lord. The news of an escapee had not yet reached the stables."

Jeremy stroked his chin in thought. "Was there anyone with the Hunter?"

“Not that we could tell, my lord.” The priestess shot the Dark God another uneasy look. “They left without a word. Patrol reported them heading down the South road at top speed.”

Jeremy frowned. If they hadn’t left on Ryan’s order, the Hunter must have some other pressing reason to leave. The only thing that changed that he could think of though was Gavin running away, and somehow having bypassed all guards to escape the temple. It couldn’t be a coincidence.

“Did they take luggage with them?” he hazarded a guess, feeling like he was grasping at straws. “A sack, or a rolled up carpet, anything of that size?”

“None that anyone could see, my lord.”

Weird. Jeremy glanced to Ryan, whose face was schooled into a blank expression.

“Any idea what this is about, buddy?”

“Yes,” Ryan bit out, shooting a look out the window, to that same distant point once more. “It’s called ‘none of your business’, _buddy_.”

“Dammit, Ryan.” Jeremy rubbed his sweaty palm over his bald head, taking a deep breath. “I get that you’re mad, okay? I get it. But this is about Gavin. So can we postpone this until after we make sure he’s safe?” He held out his hand, pleading. “Together, we can pool our resources, find him faster.”

Ryan didn’t reply, just stalked past him without a second glance, shadows trailing after him like a cloak billowing in the wind. Jeremy reached out for him, but a tendril slapped his hand away before he could. Stung, he stared after Ryan, heart quivering in his chest.

“Where are you going?” he called after him, half-expecting Ryan to ignore him again. But Ryan paused in the doorway and looked back over his shoulder, expression unreadable.

“To fix your mistake.”

With that, he left, only the clicking of heels echoing through the chamber. Jeremy swallowed, fingers digging into his palms.

Fuck.

* * *

The outside world was… dark.

Perhaps it shouldn't come as a surprise. After all, he couldn't remember a world where a sun rose and sunk in a clear day and night cycle. No matter that he sometimes dreamed of a world drenched in light, with fluffy white clouds floating in the sky and a yellow orb radiating warmth… he knew better. He’d heard the tales of the Dark God’s rise to power over and over again, had never experienced a night sky sprinkled with stars. The entire idea should be foreign to him, and yet… a part of him still didn't expect to find the world wrapped in total darkness.

He must've gotten too used to the redstone torches lighting up the temple, that was all.

Gavin leaned low over Sugarcube's neck, nudging her sides with his heels. The mare bickered in response but put on more speed. They were sticking close to the road, as best they could, marked only by the occasional lamppost every couple hundred feet. But Sugarcube was a good horse, used to running under these conditions. Her hooves thumped on the trodden path without hesitation, her footing sure.

Which was probably for the best, since Gavin had no idea where they were going. The only thing he knew was that he needed to put as much distance between them and the temple, before… well.

Before anyone caught up with him.

The wind picked up, blowing his borrowed cloak over his head. Sputtering, Gavin grappled with the dark cloth until he could see again - for what it was worth, with the lack of light around him. Which was weird, he could’ve sworn the next lantern wasn’t too far ahead, but the distant light had disappeared. Another gust hit Gavin in the back, nearly toppling him off the horse, and he assumed the wind had blown the lantern out.

Except… then he heard them.

Wings.

Turning in the saddle, he stared up into the dark night sky. He could make out two big winged shadows, just barely due to their movement. They glided silently across the sky, quickly catching up with Gavin. Heart beating double inside his chest, Gavin clicked his tongue, spurring the poor mare into breakneck gallop. He bent forward, close to her neck, to offer as small a target as possible and distribute the weight for speed.

Sugarcube tore across the landscape, and still the winged beasts were fast on their heels.

Dread filled Gavin. He hadn’t known the Acolytes kept any sort of flying mounts, but they had caught up to him at last. And now they would capture him, drag him back to Jeremy and make him face his worst nightmare. He wasn’t ready, had barely time to sort through the twist of emotions and thoughts cluttering his head.

Or perhaps they were Hunters, Gavin thought wildly. Maybe he could pass himself off as one of them long enough to flee.

“Hey! Hey, Gavin, slow down!”

The voice came as a surprise, at once familiar and reassuring. Before he could think twice about it, he pulled at the reins, slowing Sugarcube down to a comfortable trot. The winged mounts overtook him, larger than he would have guessed, even as he gaped.

Dragons. Those were bloody _dragons_.

They landed on an open field along the path, their wings beating double time to break into a controlled fall. Sugarcube approached them without hesitation. A light sparked to life, a lantern held up by one of the riders. She hopped off her dragon, scales glinting a beautiful red and orange in the flickering candlelight. But Gavin’s gaze was drawn from the dragon to its rider, long blonde-and-pink curls framing a familiar, smiling face.

“Lindsay!?”

Grinning, Lindsay waved, the lantern swinging dangerously in her outstretched arm. Sugarcube came to a stop several feet away from her and her dragon. Gavin brushed the hood of his cloak back and hopped off the mare’s back, clutching the reins tightly in a fist in case the dragons startled her.

“Hey, Gav. Thought you might need some help.”

“How’d you know?” Gavin asked, gripping the leather straps hard enough his fingers turned white. He wanted to trust Lindsay, he did. She was his friend. But then, he’d thought the same of Jeremy, and look how that had turned out.

“The way you ran like a bat straight out of the Nether was a big hint,” the other rider interjected, and Gavin blinked, startled. He knew that voice as well, from a more recent dream. He looked over Lindsay’s shoulder, watching the man approach. He had brown curls that gleamed red in the flickering light, and freckles that covered his pale face. His brown eyes were warm and alert as they landed on Gavin, looking him over.

Gavin hesitated. “Michael?”

The dragon rider arched a brow and shot Lindsay a look. “I thought he didn’t remember shit?”

“He didn’t,” Lindsay agreed, tilting her head. She mustered Gavin intently. “Unless the ritual knocked something loose…?”

Gavin took an involuntary step back, staring at her with wide eyes. “You knew?” he asked, then clarified at her confused look, “About the ritual?”

“I did.” Her frown deepened at whatever crossed his face. “I guess it didn’t work out well, huh?”

The man - Michael - scoffed. “Easy bet, seeing as he’s _here_ , and not-”

He cut himself off with an odd sideways glance at Gavin. Gavin tightened his grip on the reins, bending his knees slightly, ready to jump back into the saddle. Sugarcube danced nervously next to him, picking up on his anxiety.

“Gavin,” Lindsay called out, her voice calm and soft. He met her eyes and could read the worry in her face. “What did Jeremy tell you?”

“He- he lied,” Gavin ground out, lips pressed into a thin line. He averted his gaze, let it wander over the dragons. The second one, Michael’s, was a beautiful blue with white spikes along the neck and tail, darker blue, swirling lines painted along its flanks, reminding Gavin of clouds.

“Gods damn it,” Michael muttered under his breath, shaking his head. “Did he explain _anything_ at all?”

Gavin shrugged, eyes flicking from him to Lindsay and back. Lindsay held up her hands.

“Whoa, okay. That’s worse than I thought.” She exhaled, blowing her fringe out of her face and dropped her hands to her hips. “Oooh boy. Alright. Nothing we can’t still fix.”

“Not here,” Michael interjected, eyes travelling past Gavin, up and down the road. “It isn’t safe.”

“Right, right.” Lindsay nodded, determined. Her gaze settled on Sugarcube. “First things first. You can let her go. Dragons are way cooler anyway.”

“And if someone saw you leave on that horse and puts two and two together, it’s better to confuse the trail,” Michael added with a very pointed note to his tone.

“Yep, totally what I meant!” Lindsay exclaimed, clapping her hands together. Michael rolled his eyes, and Gavin couldn’t stifle the giggle crawling up his throat. It was just such a _Lindsay_ thing to say. Hearing that, Lindsay’s manic expression softened. “C’mon, Gav. I know things must be strange right now, but I promise we’ll explain.”

“How-” Gavin cleared his throat, smile dying on his lips. “How can I trust you?”

“Do you have a choice?” Michael replied bluntly. Lindsay elbowed him in the side. “What? It’s true! Our dragons are faster than his horse, he isn’t even armed, he’s outnumbered, he knows fuck-all about what’s going on or where he’s going, I doubt he’s got a plan-” Michael paused and turned back to Gavin, brows arched with pure skepticism. “-or do you?”

Gavin glared at him defiantly, but his lack of reply was more than answer enough.

“Thought so,” Michael grumbled, shaking his head.

“Gavin.” Lindsay cleared her throat, bouncing on the balls of her feet. “Look, I know you must be very confused by now, but have I ever pushed you to make a choice?”

“No,” Gavin murmured, mustering her carefully. She hadn’t, not that he could recall. Lindsay tended not to judge, and then to follow up with some cryptic non-sequitur that wouldn’t make sense until weeks later. “No, I guess not.”

Besides, she was the one to show him the secret passage out of the temple. That had to count for something.

“Alright,” he finally agreed, grip on the reins tightening before he dropped them. He turned to the mare who was eyeing him with more intelligence than he expected. “Thanks, girl. I’ll figure it out from here.”

He went to give her hindquarters a love tap and sent her on her way, but the dragon rider stopped him with a hand on his shoulder.

“You should return the cloak to her rider, too,” he suggested, voice grim. “It’s woven of shadows. The Dark God tracks his followers through their equipment.” His brow arched and the corner of his lips quirked into a grin. “Unless you want to be found by him?”

“No,” Gavin denied immediately, shaking the cloak off hastily. It had done its job of getting him out, it would not get him caught now. He slung it over the saddle, wrapping the hood around the stirrups twice to secure it. Then he slapped Sugarcube, and the mare took off with a neigh that sounded almost like a goodbye.

The three of them watched her run off for a long moment. Then Michael broke the silence.

"You'll want to ride with me on Mogar. Lindsay's flying style is… very Lindsay."

"You know what, that's fair," Lindsay agreed with a laugh. "C'mon, you're gonna love it!"

However, when Gavin turned to follow him, Michael’s eyes narrowed, and he snatched his wrist, his grip gentle as he pulled him into the light of the lantern.

“You’re injured,” he hissed, and Gavin looked down his chest. The blood had dried on his robes, a rusty red colour, but it was still undeniably blood. But Michael tugged on his hand, turned it over and inspected his wrists. Flecks of blood had dried in his palms, partially rubbed off by his tight grip on the reins.

There was no lying on how he got those. Not when he had identical wounds on both wrists.

Michael brushed his thumb over Gavin's wrist, peeling flakes of blood away. Gavin averted his eyes, not wanting to see where he'd cut his own skin. He had no idea what he'd been _thinking._ Though, if Jeremy hadn't tried to… kill him, Gavin doubted he would regret it at all. And wasn't that telling?

"Hmm. Interesting," Michael hummed, drawing each syllable of the word out.

"What is?" Lindsay asked, bouncing over to them. Michael held Gavin's wrist up for her to see.

"I doubt he had this before."

"No, he didn't," Lindsay agreed, sounding startled.

"What?" Gavin asked, curiosity overcoming his hesitation. "What is it?"

Michael's finger tapped his wrist, right where Head Priest Gustavo had painted the strange blood. Gavin dared a quick glance down, looking up to Michael's steady gaze, before his eyes widened and his gaze darted back down. There, in the middle of his wrist, where he'd been marked for the ritual, gold lines twisted into a braided circle, from which straight lines extended in regular intervals.

"What…"

Gavin tugged his hand out of Michael's lax grip, staring at the mark. He rubbed his thumb over it once, twice, three times, again and again, first slow, then fast, until he was scrubbing his wrists together in sheer panic. Dried blood flaked off his skin, but the gold stayed.

Lindsay cupped his hands, stopping him mid-motion.

Gavin opened his mouth, but no sound came out. Lindsay carefully separated his hands, and a strangled noise escaped Gavin's throat after all. There on his left hand was another golden tattoo, a mirror of the first. The skin underneath remained unmarred by wounds or scars. Only the sun tattoo remained, the forbidden symbol of the Solar Queen. It had been outlawed long before Gavin was alive, or so he’d been told.

Jeremy had shown it to him, in a hidden nook and with much secrecy.

“What-” Gavin croaked, pressing the words out between trembling lips- “What does this mean? I-”

Jerking his hands out of Lindsay’s, Gavin scrabbled at his robe, the vest underneath. His shoulder ached around the injury but he didn’t pay it any mind, he needed to know. He ripped the cloth sticking to his skin with dried blood away, ignoring the sharp sting of pain, and craned his head to see-

The skin straight above his heart was still open, even though the bleeding had stopped hours ago.

“Oh.” Fingers trembling, Gavin touched the skin next to the hole. It looked… a reddish sort of pink, and still hurt, and for one dizzying second Gavin felt relief. It wasn’t gone, he hadn’t imagined the worst night of his life. But… it also looked like an old injury, flesh already knitting back together, and not nearly as deep as it felt.

“What the fuck,” Michael said, voice flat, and Gavin looked up at him.

“I, uh.” Gavin licked his lips, eyes flickering to Lindsay. She looked serious for once. “I got stabbed.”

“By who?” Michael inquired, and the fury in his face should be surprising, but instead felt… oddly reassuring. “What the fuck was Jeremy doing, he was supposed to look out for you!”

“He, he did the stabbing.” The words just tumbled out before Gavin could think it through, and the ache in his chest wasn’t coming from the rapidly healing wound.

“The fuck!” Michael spat, but Lindsay didn’t look too surprised.

“Change is hard for everyone,” was the only thing she said cryptically. “We should leave.”

She reached out to fix Gavin’s robes for him, patting him down and brushing off his shoulders once she was done. Then she turned on her heel and flounced off. They stared after her as she walked back to her dragon, taking the lantern with her. Michael shook his head.

“I’m going to fuckin’ kill him,” he muttered under his breath, taking hold of Gavin’s upper arm. “But she’s right, c’mon. Better get out of here sooner rather than later.”

Gavin followed him, stumbling over his own feet in the dark, mind preoccupied, fingers brushing over his wrists incessantly. Michael helped him into the saddle, strapping his legs in for safety. Then Michael hopped on behind him, one arm wrapping around his waist to grab for the reins. The dragons came to attention at once, standing up and spreading their wings.

And with a heavy beat of those wings, they lifted off.

* * *

On the eighth day, once the bleeding moon returned to sleep for another year, the Dark God spoke to his followers.

For a week now they had felt His power, as he draped the world in darkness, and thus they flocked to Him, young and old, eager to serve, for the Dark God had proven Himself supreme. They bowed low before His might and swore themselves to His will.

The Dark God surveyed His sworn servants, and divided them by three.

The first He split from the crowd by their shining wisdom, to lead the people and bring peace and order in these times of change. These were called Priests, and they spread across the world to organize the people in faith and govern the cities sprawling in darkness.

The second He appointed for their resolve and intellect, to research the ways of the red stone, and how they may return the warmth stolen from the world by the greedy Solar Queen’s last breath. These were called Scientists, and they took the technology gifted to them apart to learn how it worked and spread that knowledge amongst the people.

The third He chose for their strength and cunning, to observe the people for dissent and bring justice to all corners of the world. These were called Hunters, for the Dark God pointed to the stars, the last remnants of light still clinging to the world, and told the Hunters to ensure that darkness would prevail. They were to hunt down the fires in the sky, what remained of the late Solar Queen, and cleanse the world of Her existence.

And thus the world as we know it was created.

* * *


	9. Everybody Makes Mistakes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Solar Queen is dead, long may the Dark God reign!
> 
> OR in which Gavin finds refuge with the dragon-riding knights.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  _When your heart is like a shadow_  
>  _Of someone you used to know_  
>  _Maybe try and let it go_  
>    
>  _Things that we say_  
>  _Games we play_  
>  _They can tear us all apart_  
>  _I give my heart_  
>    
>  \- Everybody Makes Mistakes by Monrose

After foiling the Blood Mage’s coup attempt, the Dark God called forth the most elite of His Hunters. From all corners of the world did they gather to His side, eager to do His bidding. Only one was reluctant to join, for he had lost his Cloak of Shadows and his trusted Mount, both of them blessed gifts of His Darkness upon completion of a Hunter’s trials.

But as the Hunters gathered to his current station, the solitary Hunter had no choice but to join.

Eyes as cold as winter’s night settled on him as he entered the circle, followed by the stares of his fellow Hunters, for they could see he had lost both his Cloak and his Mount, and assumed he had fallen from favour.

“Matthew,” called the Dark God, and with hesitance clear in his every move, the Hunter stepped forth and took a knee.

“Sire.”

“You come before me without the Cloak I have gifted you. Where is it?”

“Sire, I gave it away to a man in need,” spoke the Hunter, his head bowed in deference.

“Indeed?” asked the Dark God with mild curiosity. “And why did you choose to do such a thing?”

“He was wanted by the dissenting followers of the Blood Mage, Sire,” explained the Hunter. “I thought it best to foil their plans.”

“You have done well in doing so. Your foresight shall be rewarded,” promised the Dark God, pleased. Then He asked, “And what of your sacred Mount?”

“Sire, I gave her away also,” disclosed the Hunter, and his elation at the praise turned to fear. “For you see, the wanted man was fleeing the Acolytes on foot, and they would have caught him before long.”

“You have done well in doing so, and shall thus be rewarded,” vowed the Dark God, pleased.

Then He turned to the other Hunters, who were watching the exalted Hunter with jealousy and envy.

“Fear not! You also shall have a chance to prove your loyalty!” exclaimed the Dark God, and the Hunters turned to him most eager.

“Find the wanted man, before the Blood Mage and his ilk does,” ordered the Dark God, His voice as dark as His name. “Find him and bring him to me - alive!”

* * *

They found Jeremy sitting on the edge of their world, on the other side of the fence staring down at their creation. His feet were dangling, chin propped up on his hands as he watched the humans below listlessly. Jack and Geoff exchanged a concerned look before settling down on either side of him.

"That could've gone better, huh?" Jack stated, nudging Jeremy in the side in his friendly manner.

Jeremy huffed, a bitter sounding laugh getting stuck in his throat.

"Yeah, you can say that again."

“What happened?” Geoff asked, jiggling his leg. “One minute, everything seemed to go fine, the next Ryan was throwing a huge fit. How’d he even find out about it?”

“I-” Jeremy cleared his throat, shoulders hunching up to his ears. “I told him.”

For one tense second silence descended between them. Then Geoff and Jack exploded at the same.

“You _told_ him!?”

“What the hell, Jeremy!”

“We kept him in the dark for a century, and you just fucking go and _tell_ him!?”

“Why would you do such a thing?”

“I didn’t mean to!” Jeremy burst out, arms wrapping around himself. He rocked on the edge, dangerously close to tipping over. “He just- He looked- He was just so sad, okay? He just wanted to help!”

“So you told him we’ve been keeping Gavin’s survival a secret from him for nearly a century?” Jack exclaimed, disbelief colouring his voice. But Jeremy was already shaking his head.

“No! Not like that. I just-” He deflated, curling in on himself. “He heard of the ritual from his followers. I… I couldn’t lie to him, okay?”

Geoff snorted. “So what, Ryan bats his pretty eyes at you and you ruin years of hard work to, what?”

“I only told him there was a big thing coming up!” Jeremy shouted, pushing off the edge and turning to face them, using his divine power to float. “He wanted to help, so I told him to tell his followers to stop interfering!”

“And…?” Jack inquired softly, a knowing look on his face. Jeremy stared back at him, appearing lost.

“And he offered me some of his blood.” Jeremy bit his lip, gaze dropping to avoid theirs. “I couldn’t say no to that, it raised the chances of Gavin making it through this in one piece, alright? I couldn’t.”

Jack glanced at Geoff, taking in the other’s clenched fists and tight expressions. They’d stood up when Jeremy jumped, ready to follow if necessary. But Geoff was barely holding onto his temper. It was up to Jack to defuse the situation. He sighed, turning back to Jeremy.

"You know how it goes. With great power-"

"Don't," Jeremy huffed, half between laughter and pain. "Don't you dare say it, Jack. Please."

Jack closed his mouth but gave Jeremy a significant look. Jeremy sighed, looking off to the side, but hovering closer.

“What happened?” he coaxed gently. “Ryan interrupted the ritual, right? That much we’ve guessed.”

“Gavin… Gavin figured some things out,” Jeremy admitted, eyes darting up to Geoff and then away just as quick. “He… he didn’t like the picture it painted.”

“And then he ran,” Geoff concluded, eyes narrowed. “Do you even have any idea where he is right now?”

Jeremy shook his head.

“It would have worked, too. I know it would,” Jeremy whispered, letting his head hang. Then, in an even quieter voice, he added, “I don’t know if it can be salvaged.”

"Well, you botched it, I can tell you that much," Geoff sniped, eyes narrowed. Jeremy flinched. “What are you gonna do?”

“I don’t know.”

Geoff huffed, rolling his shoulders. “Well, you know what we do around here when we make a mistake?”

“Build intricate blood rituals over centuries behind our friend’s back?” Jack joked, and Geoff choked on a laugh. Jeremy glanced up, a self-deprecating smile on his face.

“Shut up!” Geoff coughed, thumping his chest with a fist and clearing his throat. Then he cleared it again, just to be sure they all noticed, the overdramatic bastard. “We own up and apologize, shithead.”

“You break, you fix,” Jack agreed, nodding his head wisely. Geoff gave him the stink-eye, but it made Jeremy laugh.

“I- I don’t know how,” Jeremy admitted, smile slowly fading as he landed between them.

“I hate to agree with Geoffrey,” Jack drawled, earning himself a sharp elbow in his gut and an offended _Hey!_ “But an apology seems like a good first step.”

“I doubt he will listen to me long enough to get that far,” Jeremy pointed out, hopping over the fence. Jack and Geoff exchanged a look, then followed him.

“Which ‘him’ are we talking about?” Geoff inquired mildly, staring at Jeremy’s back with narrowed eyes. Jeremy startled and stopped, turning to face them.

“Ryan?” he answered, voice lilting up in confusion.

Geoff hummed and crossed his arms. Jeremy rubbed the back of his head, a corner of his mouth quirking up. Geoff raised a pointed eyebrow.

“...I guess I should apologize to Gavin too, huh?” Jeremy hazarded, and Geoff nodded once, sharply.

“You better,” he threatened, dropping his arms and sauntering up next to him. “Because if you don’t… I doubt you can convince him to give this another shot.”

“I don’t know where he is,” Jeremy pointed out, as if that could get him out of it. Jack crossed his arms and they both levelled Jeremy with judging stares until his shoulders slumped and he let out a long exhale. “Alright, yeah, you’re right. I’ll talk to him.”

“And explain to him what’s going on?” Jack added, raising a brow. Jeremy nodded sharply.

“Right. If he’ll listen to me…” He trailed off, looking off into the distance and wrapping his arms around himself as a frown marred his face. “He… he sounded like he put some of the pieces together, but all wrong and only the worst parts…”

Jack winced. “Yeah, maybe it’s a good thing if he has some time to cool off.” Gavin’s temper was legendary for burning bright whenever it flared up, but it rarely lasted for long.

Jeremy bit his lip. “It’s just… I’m worried. He could be anywhere, and there’s so many people down there that would kill first, ask questions never. What if… what if he lands in the wrong hands, Jack?”

Seeing the true concern in Jeremy’s eyes, Jack sighed, slinging an arm around his shoulders and squeezing him into his side.

“I’m sure he’s fine, Jer,” he offered, a slight smile on his lips. “Gavin’s resourceful, remember? I’m sure he can talk himself out of any trouble he walks into.”

Jeremy couldn’t help but snort at that. “He’s a real trouble-magnet.”

Geoff hummed, a broken-off tune that sounded half-agreement, half like he was hiding something. Jeremy and Jack both turned their eyes to the third, suspicion growing in their expressions. They all knew Geoff’s tells well.

“Geoff?” Jack inquired, mild as milk.

“What? Why are you looking at me like that?” Geoff sputtered, immediately on the defense. He flailed his arms through the air. “I don’t know anything, dickheads, why would you even suspect me? I don’t know where Gavin is, I’m not lying! I never lie!”

Amused, Jack arched both of his brows. “We didn’t accuse you of anything, Geoffrey.”

“Funny how you should jump to those… specific conclusions,” Jeremy added in a drawl.

Geoff paused mid-swing, face paling and expression caught. He opened and closed his mouth, sputtering, “Because I know nothing! Obviously!”

“Uh huh.” Jack eyed him in clear disbelief. “So what do you know that we don’t, Geoffrey?”

Huffing, Geoff crossed his arms. “Many things, duh.”

“Geoff.” Jeremy lifted a hand, laying it on Geoff’s arm. His eyes were wide and watery, his smile wobbly. Jack knew very well it was a play, yet he couldn’t help but be impressed. “I… I understand you can’t tell me. I fucked up. But-” Jeremy dropped his gaze, biting his lip. There was a sincerity to it that wasn’t faked, and it tugged at Jack’s heartstrings. “Please. Can you just tell me if he’s safe?”

The best lie is the truth, told from a certain perspective. They all knew that. Jeremy taught them long ago, while fine-tuning his craft.

Geoff wavered, aware of the trap, but just as aware of the honesty wrapped around the words. Then he huffed, pulling away from Jeremy’s touch, but also dropping his defensive stance.

“Alright, fine. Assholes.” He raked his fingers through his hair, while eyeing them through drooping eyelids. “Michael’s with him. He’ll look out for him.”

“Michael is?” Jeremy startled, eyes widening for real.

“Yeah, okay.” Jack felt himself relax. He turned his serious gaze to Jeremy. “You know he won’t let anything happen to Gavin.”

“Yeah…” Jeremy’s expression turned thoughtful, tightening with an emotion that could be guilt as much as grief. Jack hadn’t seen such a look on Jeremy’s face in decades. He swallowed the joke that laid on the tip of the tongue, always ready to lighten the mood, but it didn’t seem appropriate for the somber atmosphere descending on them.

“Yeah. So you can call off your search, dickhead.” Geoff gave Jeremy a look of pure judgement. “Since you know he’s safe.”

“I guess…” Jeremy bit his lip. “But what of Ryan’s Hunters?”

Geoff shrugged. “So I tell him to stop being a dick, too. He probably could use some ass-kicking with all the brooding he’s been busy with.”

“Just like I did, huh?” Jeremy asked, amusement finally colouring his voice. His tone turned sarcastic, “Thanks, Geoff.”

“Just ‘cause I agreed to the plan doesn’t mean I like how you went about it,” Geoff pointed out rather sharply. “But I stayed out of it because I promised. So you better fix this shit, asshole.”

"I will. I promise." Jeremy sighed, quirking a sad smile. "I want him back, too. I know you all miss him, and that I got to see him a lot over the last decades but…" Jeremy grimaced, grief flickering through his eyes. "It wasn't easy. I mean, he's still Gavin, but not…"

"Not our Gavin?" Jack offered quietly.

"Yeah." Jeremy swallowed before meeting Geoff's hard gaze with a firm look of his own. "I will do all I can to bring him back, Geoff. I swore that then, and I'll swear it now."

"You better," Geoff muttered, visibly deflating. He broke their staring contest first. "How fucked are we?"

"Obviously the ritual wasn't finished, but…" Jeremy gave him a one-shouldered shrug. "I think it would've worked. Some of the energy was transferred into Gavin's blood. He's still mortal, mind, just… more."

Jack stroked his beard, deep in thought. "Do you think it would work if you try again?"

Jeremy made a sea-sawing motion with his hand.

"The power I've gathered over the last century has mostly been expended, and the circumstances are different now. I might be able to throw something else together, but it's a moot point." Jeremy grimaced. "Gavin needs to participate of his own volition. I doubt he trusts me enough, after what happened."

"You did stab him," Jack pointed out, teasing.

"It wouldn't have killed him!" Jeremy objected. Jack arched his brows, silently judging him. Jeremy grumbled, grudgingly amending, "Only a little. For a bit."

"Temporary murder is still murder," Jack insisted with a shit-eating grin.

“Fuck off,” Jeremy laughed, ramming his elbow into Jack’s soft side. But his mind was already whirring ahead, plotting what his next steps had to be.

* * *

Dragon riding was Gavin’s favourite new thing.

They rose high above the fields, until they turned into blurs of colour, hard to make out any details from the distance. Gavin leaned over the side to watch the world fall away, one hand clutching the saddle. Michael gave him a sharp look, but the smirk curving around his mouth spoke of fond amusement. Then with two mighty beats of the wings, the dragons broke through the clouds and Gavin squeaked in shock. Michael laughed, shaking his head, droplets of condensation flying from his hair and splattering Gavin behind him, who sputtered.

“Amazing, isn’t it?” Lindsay exclaimed joyfully, her dragon pulling up next to theirs.

"It is, innit?" Gavin agreed, twisting sideways and leaning forward to look down. The clouds were lit in the soft red of the redstone lanterns hanging on the dragons' harnesses, turning them into soft, pink fluff. It was a beautiful sight.

Then he looked up and his breath caught.

The sky above was dark as usual, but it wasn’t the inky black he’d always thought. Instead stripes of purple mixed with swirls of darkest blue, weaving together with the black to build the night sky. And there, his eyes unerringly drawn to it, glittered the single star, brighter than it ever seemed before. But what shocked him wasn’t the sight itself, or the unexpected beauty of it. No.

Six more stars surrounded the first, the brightest of them all. Some were closer, others further away, blinking in and out of existence as Gavin stared, agape.

Michael seemed to notice his preoccupation, following his gaze. He paused, before nodding with a grim expression.

“It worked,” he said, exchanging a significant look with Lindsay, who shook her head.

“Not like it was supposed to.”

“What was?” Gavin inquired, irritation stirring in his chest at being excluded.

Lindsay met his glare with an uncharacteristically serious look on her face, lips pressed in a thin line. “Not here.”

Michael nodded, and Gavin opened his mouth to protest-

“Hold on!” Michael called out, and Gavin had just enough time to wrap an arm around his waist before they _dove_.

Gavin squawked his objections, the words lost to the wind. Air and droplets of water rushed past them, his robes flapping noisily as Gavin closed his eyes and buried his head between Michael’s shoulders. The pink armor made a lot more sense suddenly. The clouds parted where they darted through them, wings held stiff up against the sides of the dragon before flaring out to slow their descent.

Hesitantly, Gavin peeled off Michael and peeked over his shoulder.

They were gliding several hundred feet above the ground, curving around the crown of a giant redwood tree. Tiny red lights dotted the leaves, and as they came around to the southside, a wooden platform was revealed, built between two giant branches. Big enough, Gavin thought, for five dragons to land side by side. That realization was quickly followed by another, and Gavin took a closer look at the red lights which were moving about not because the leaves blew in front of them to hide them from view, but because they were lanterns attached to _dragons_ , who crawled over and along the branches.

Lindsay let out a whoop and dashed past them, dragon more or less crashing into the platform rather than landing. Michael just sighed and tugged on the reins, leading Mogar a bit off to the side to come to a much calmer set-down a ways away from her.

“...Whot,” Gavin half-asked, half-stated as he stared at the dragon who shrugged their crash landing off like a dog shook itself after a swim, nearly tossing Lindsay off with the motion.

“And that,” Michael drawled, peeling off Gavin’s firm grip around his waist, “is why you wanted to ride with Air Mogar rather than Lindsay.”

“Oh, shut it,” Lindsay laughed, hopping off her dragon and brushing her wind-blown hair behind her ears. “As if you weren’t tempted to fly some loop-de-loops.”

Gavin undid the belts strapping him in and carefully slipped down behind Mogar’s wings, shooting Lindsay a contemplative look. The harness had secured him well enough, and if the leather of the saddle held... 

“Maybe another time?” he offered, unable to keep the hopeful note out of his voice. Michael snorted and shook his head, seeming amused.

“Sure, why not.”

Fluttering, pink lights whirred around their heads, which turned out to be small, glowing insects as he followed Michael and Lindsay into the tree. That was when Gavin noticed the people lurking in the shadows of the bough watching them. Their silent watchers wore armor similar to Michael’s in a rainbow of colours, but none of them carried a blue sword. They didn’t speak but bowed their heads and made way as they passed, ignoring Gavin’s curious eyes.

Then they were walking between the thick outer branches of the tree, smaller ones twisting up to create sort-of walls. The pink, glowing insects joined their procession, dancing ahead and lighting their way. They seemed to delight in Michael’s pink crystal armour in particular, congregating on him before swarming out. The buzzing caused by their wings almost sounded like light, tinkling laughter, which distracted Gavin so much he didn’t notice they arrived in a wide open space in the middle of the tree.

“Welcome to the city of Treetania.” Michael turned around and spread his arms, grinning with pride.

And he was right to be proud. The city hidden in the tree was beautiful, between the red light of lanterns and the pink, giggly glowflies the plaza was gleaming. Doors were woven between the bough from braided twigs, leading into what Gavin could only guess were rooms or even entire houses. A round fountain bubbled away in the center, the glowflies dancing in circles around it as it erupted like a geyser. Children came running, screeching and laughing, delighting in the rain created by the spout.

Everywhere he looked there were colourful tapestries and people draped in even more colourful cloth of varying patterns. Masks hung from belts or were staked in front of doors, ranging from the beautifully intricate to the eerily simple in design. Voices filled the air, chattering and laughing, lively.

It was nothing like the solemn atmosphere of the temple, and Gavin felt a pang at the thought, but pushed it aside.

Michael led them up a twisting bough like a spiral staircase, to what seemed like the very top of the tree to Gavin. A roof of leaves rustled above them, branches thinning out into twigs and sprigs to create a moving wall around them. Colourful lampions were strung across the canopy, some of them lit by candle and other emitting the red glow of redstone, tinting the whole room in warm colours. In the middle of the space stood a low table surrounded by several cushions, and this was where Michael led them, plopping down on one of them with Lindsay dropping in the seat on his left.

Gavin bit his lip, considering, before settling across from them.

“Is it later now?” he asked, not quite able to keep the bitterness out of his tone. “Are you finally going to explain what the shit’s been going on?”

“Sure, yeah, why not.” Lindsay blew her bangs out of her eyes. “What do you wanna start with?”

“Why didn’t you tell me?” The question burst out without much input from Gavin, spooking around in his head ever since Lindsay showed up with dragons. Then he gestured to Michael, making a frustrated noise. “And who are you? How are you involved in all this? Where are we?”

“The city of Treetania,” Michael drawled, crossing his arms and raising a brow. “Which is the center of the Knights of Fae, the dragon-riding forces of the Knight.”

“And you’re the leader of the knights, is that it?”

Michael shrugged, a magnamious expression on his face. “Guess you could call it that.”

“Michael,” Lindsay chided, even though she was fighting down a grin herself. Gavin narrowed his eyes, not in the mood for her mischief, and she sighed, brushing her hair behind her ear. “Jeremy wanted a chance to explain the whole thing to you. Which I guess he mucked up?”

“Big time,” Michael muttered under his breath, brow furrowing.

“So why don’t we start with what you figured out, and we fill in the blanks?” Lindsay suggested.

Gavin pursed his lips, meeting Lindsay’s gaze with a hard stare of his own. He was growing impatient with being told to wait, wait, _wait_. He wanted answers, and he wanted them _now_.

“Jeremy tried to kill me to revive the sun,” he summed up in a clipped tone. He watched Lindsay intently, to see how she would react to the next bit. “Oh, and he’s actually the Blood Mage, or something.”

She didn’t so much as twitch. Gavin ground his teeth, glowering at her.

“But you already knew that.”

“Oh boy,” Lindsay huffed, tugging on the end of her braid. Then she shrugged, offering him a self-deprecating smile. “Yeah, I knew. Don’t feel bad he didn’t tell you, he was trying to keep it very hush hush.”

“Somehow,” Michael interjected in a dry tone, “I don’t think he’s angry about that rather than the fucking _stabbing_ , Linds.”

Gavin moved his glare to the pink knight for a short moment, before refocusing on Lindsay.

“Oh. Right! That.” She waved her hand back and forth, tilting her head this way and that way. “You wouldn’t have actually died, I don’t think. More like… you know how you have to dip a sword in molten lava to reforge it? Well, obviously the metal melts, and I guess that would hurt a lot if the sword was sentient…”

Lindsay trailed off, scratching her head as she seemed to realize her metaphor wasn’t going anywhere useful.

“You knew,” Gavin pressed out through gritted teeth, nails digging into his palms. “You knew he was going to- to _sacrifice_ me for that ritual.”

Lindsay blinked at him. “Well, yes. He never told any of us how the ritual worked, but that was the gist of it.”

“Then why didn’t you _tell_ me!?” Gavin thumped his knee with his fist, frustration needing an outlet. “I thought we were friends!”

“We are!” Lindsay cried out, leaning forward and reaching for him across the table. Gavin flinched back, making her hesitate. “We are,” she repeated, more softly.

“You wouldn’t have died, is what she’s trying to say,” Michael interjected, rolling his eyes. Gavin turned hard eyes on him, stomach squirming uncomfortably with too many emotions.

“Then what was supposed to happen?” he snapped out the question, fixing Michael with a hard glare. Michael simply shrugged his animosity off, unbothered by his hostile tone.

“It would have returned you to us,” he answered simply.

“Us.” The word tripped over Gavin’s lips before he could stop it, eyes flitting between Michael and Lindsay. Realization dawned with a sense of foreboding. “What, are you gods too, then? Is everyone I know secretly divine and in the know?”

Michael shrugged while Lindsay nodded, and anger bubbled up in Gavin’s chest, hot and heavy.

“So, what is this? Play with the poor human, see how he reacts, it’s so much fun? Pretend to be his friends, take away his memories, make him fall in l-” Gavin bit his cheek from how hard his jaw snapped shut on the word before it could escape, hastily tacking on, “See how he deals with it, and then for funsies just throw him on the altar like a trussed up turkey, might as well find a use for him!?”

“No!” Lindsay burst out, sounding distressed. Gavin turned his gimlet stare on her. “No, that’s not it at all! We’re your _friends_ , Gavin, we _are_!”

“We just want you back,” Michael added, and he’d lost his bland and amused demeanour, expression turning serious under Gavin’s accusations. “You don’t remember us, but… we were your friends before you lost your memory.”

Gavin opened his mouths, but no words came out. He choked, closing it again, teeth clacking with the force of it. He’d wondered, of course, of what his previous life had been like, before he came to the temple. It never mattered before, because he had Jeremy. But now…

No.

Gavin shook his head. That didn’t make sense. Because it implied that Jeremy was his friend before, too, and then why would he try to kill him? And besides, what mortal was friends with gods? Why didn’t they just return his memories to him with their divine powers? Or were they lying about that, too? No, none of this made any sense.

“Jeremy said…” He swallowed past the knot that built in his throat at the mere memory of what happened. “Jeremy said he was… he was trying to bring the sun back. To return balance to the world.”

Michael and Lindsay both nodded, something cautious to their movements now. Gavin glanced between them, before dropping his gaze to the table, tracing the knots and lines in the wood. He could figure this out. He just had to ask the right questions. Licking his lips, he met their hopeful eyes.

“What… what does that have to do with me? Why me?”

Michael and Lindsay’s stares turned blank. They exchanged a quick, speaking look, eyebrows twitching up and mouths turning down, brows furrowing. Then they smoothed out and they turned back to look at Gavin with identical expressions of mild, but hopeful bewilderment.

“Because… that’s the same thing?” Lindsay ventured, tone carefully modulated. Gavin frowned.

“What?”

“We just told you, moron, we want you back,” Michael grumbled, crossing his arms.

“What’s that got to do with the bloody sun?” Gavin asked, getting frustrated with their crypticness. The only thing stopping him from stomping out was that Michael and Lindsay looked just as confused as he felt.

“Because… that’s you?” They shared another look. Lindsay reached across the table, taking his trembling fists and unclenching them slowly to take in her own hands. “Gavin. You’re the Solar Queen.”

His jaw dropped. “N-no? I can’t- What?”

Michael leaned in, tapping his blunt nail against the sun tattoos glittering like golden ink on his wrists.

“This is yours. Your magic,” he explained, but he might as well be speaking gibberish for all Gavin understood. Michael frowned. “The ritual was supposed to return you to, well, _you_. But something must’ve gone wrong.”

“I…” Gavin shook his head. “A man showed up. Ryan?”

“Ah.” Lindsay’s expression cleared. “Well, fuck.”

“And he stopped the ritual? Fucker,” Michael muttered, frown darkening.

“I don’t understand.” Gavin bit his lips. “He killed the Solar Queen, didn’t he? Of course he’d want to stop the ritual reviving her.”

“No, Gavin, no.” Lindsay squeezed his hands emphatically. “No, Gav. He _loves_ you. He didn’t want you to die. You gotta believe that.”

“No.”

“Gavin-” Michael tried to interject, but Gavin shook his head, pulling his hands free from Lindsay’s grasp.

“Stop,” he wheezed, scrambling to his feet.

“Gav-”

“Stop!” His shout sent the leaves rustling, startled birds taking flight. He inhaled sharply. “Stop,” he repeated, quieter. “Stop saying ‘you’ when you mean _her_. I’m not- I’m not.”

“Yes, you are.”

The statement was firm, brooking no protest. Gavin just backed up, shaking his head, until his back hit a tree. Then he slid down the trunk and buried his head in his arms, knees drawn close to his chest.

It was too much.

* * *

“We have tracked him down, Your Excellence.”

“Good. Where is he?”

“He’s taken refuge with the Knights of Fae, Your Excellence.”

Head Priest Gustavo pressed his lips together, frowning. “That’s not ideal. Do you know where they have taken him?”

“We’re assuming their capital, up in that giant tree,” the Acolyte hedged, hesitating before adding, “There’s another problem as well, Your Excellence.”

“Great,” Head Priest Gustavo muttered. “Well? What is it?”

“The Hunters, Your Excellence.” The Acolyte swallowed. “They’ve found him, too.”

* * *

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We're gonna have to skip next week's update again, sorry >.< I did not expect life to be as complicated as it is rn and I'd rather not leave you hanging on the chapter 10 cliffhanger for an extra week. That should give me enough time to wrap up the last chapter (which, if you noticed the chapter count going up - I split in half :'D)
> 
> Thank you so much to everyone for their comments, tags, and PMs! It's very encouraging to hear someone enjoys this fic while I wrangle the last bits of it into place <3


	10. Dying To Love

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Solar Queen is dead, long may the Dark God reign!
> 
> OR Ryan has a heart to heart with the two most important people in his world.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  _How well I remember all those moments when we touched_  
>  _But memories are all I have left_  
>  _He took you away from, took you away from me_  
>    
>  _Time moves on without me_  
>  _As I yearn for this to end_  
>  _How long must I bleed in this life_  
>  _When there's nothing to bleed for, nothing to feel anymore_  
>    
>  \- Dying to Love by Krypteria

Once upon a time, there was a small sapling who dreamed big.

The small sapling watched the sun rise and fall day by day, and it stretched it’s little sprigs, but it was never tall enough to touch the sun. Every day it would grow just a little closer, and every day it dreamed of what it must feel like to touch that golden beauty.

“Oh, how wonderful it must be,” said the little sapling wistfully, “if only I could touch the sun.”

So the small sapling went to its elder siblings and asked if they could lift it up so it may be a little closer to touching the eternal warmth of the sun. And its elder siblings humoured it for a while, before shooing it off.

So the small sapling went to its younger siblings and suggested a game, to see if they could all stack atop one another. Seven of them managed to stand on each other’s shoulders before they toppled, and still the small sapling couldn’t reach the sun.

Wallowing in its sadness, the small sapling went to hide in the woods, where it ran into the God of All Things That Grow.

“What are you doing here, little sapling?” asked the God of All Things That Grow. “There is too much shade for you to grow well inside these woods.”

“What do I care about growing when I will never be tall enough to touch the sun,” asked the little sapling in turn.

And the God of All Things That Grow paused in what He was doing to take a closer look at the small sapling.

“Is that what you wish, little sapling?”

“I want to grow tall,” said the little sapling, rustling its leaves in agitation. “I want to reach for the sky and touch the sun. But I am just a small sapling. Even when my older siblings lift me up or I stand on the shoulders of my younger siblings, I am not tall enough.”

And the God of All Things That Grow hummed thoughtfully.

“Gather all your siblings that wish to help you, little sapling,” order the God of All Things That Grow. “Gather them in the meadow on the morrow and make them stand in rows of seven. Then, once you reach the middle, I will grant you your wish, if only you are patient.”

And so the small sapling gathered all its siblings on the morrow, and they gathered in rows of seven so each may have an equal view of the sun. The older saplings took to the edges, to better protect their young siblings and so they had enough space for their roots to reach deep into the nurturing earth.

They waited for a day and a night, and the small sapling asked its siblings for patience.

“The God of All Things That Grow promised,” said the little sapling. “Have faith.”

And so they waited for another day and night, and the rustling of their leaves turned impatient as nothing happened once more.

“He promised,” said the little sapling, starting to get desperate. “Don’t you trust the God of All Things That Grow? He always keeps his word.”

“Just one more day and night,” begged the little sapling of its siblings. “Just wait that long.”

And so they waited for one more cycle, and for their patience they were rewarded. For when the sun rose once more, all the siblings found the God of All Things That Grow kept his promise. He made them all grow tall enough to reach the clouds. They cheered and hugged one another, their trunks and boughs twisting into one.

There was once a small sapling who dreamed big, and now it’s not so little anymore. For those who dream big and who are patient will always be rewarded.

* * *

Gavin didn’t realize he was dreaming until that strangely familiar voice tore him out of his thoughts. He was sitting on a ledge, colourful clouds far below him, feet dangling. Warmth suffused his back from the setting sun, giving everything a surreal glow.

“Gavin?”

He startled, nearly toppling off the ledge, but a hand snatched his cloak and stopped him from falling. A glance over his shoulder revealed the familiar stranger who haunted his dreams. The one Jeremy called Ryan.

The Dark God.

He was staring down at Gavin with a pained expression, frown twisting his smile into a grimace. His blue eyes carried a sheen of unshed tears, his hair a flyaway mess as if he’d dragged his fingers through it one too many times. His usually pristine tunic and cape were rumpled and wrinkled, and Gavin caught himself frowning at the thought. He didn’t think he’d noticed the stranger’s clothing before, not consciously. But his mind insisted that this was an unusual state for the man.

“...Ryan, was it?” Gavin finally said, fidgeting under his intent gaze. Ryan gave him a slow nod, hesitating.

“You truly do not remember me, do you, my love?”

Ryan searched his eyes, and Gavin shook his head, glad to break eye contact with that piercing blue. A sigh from the other man as his hand slipped off Gavin’s shoulder. Gavin stared down his feet, watching the clouds as they moved from orange to purple as the sun continued to set. It was a breathtaking sight, but he couldn’t quite enjoy it, too aware of Ryan watching him, leaving him tense and discomfited.

Another sigh, then movement. The man settled down next to Gavin on the ledge, leaving just enough space between them so they didn’t touch accidentally.

“I apologize for making this awkward,” Ryan broke the silence, and Gavin glanced at him from the corner of his eyes, taking in how stiff the man held himself.

“It’s kinda inevitable, innit?” Gavin offered, shrugging one shoulder. “What with me not knowing you, and you… whatever it is you feel.”

“It’s called love,” Ryan drawled, turning to muster Gavin. Gavin returned his look with a skeptical one of his own.

“I don’t know who you and Jer- who you think I used to be, before,” Gavin stumbled over his words, pressing his lips into a thin line, “But I’m not that person anymore.”

“The Solar Queen,” Ryan answered his question, ignoring the second part of that statement. Gavin felt his stomach twist.

“The Dark God killed the Solar Queen,” Gavin pointed out, biting his lip. Ryan stared at him for a long moment before averting his gaze.

“I suppose I did at that.” He glared off into the encroaching darkness as the sun slipped below the horizon. “It was never my intention to hurt you, my dear, but it would be disingenuous to shake off all responsibility in that matter.”

“Why?” Gavin asked, then hesitated. Ryan turned his burning gaze back to him, filled with more emotions than Gavin cared to decypher. “Why did you kill… her?”

“The humans think it was for power,” Ryan said, a bitter twist to his smile.

“Was it?” Gavin pressed, narrowing his eyes at the non-answer.

“...no,” Ryan admitted, shoulders slumping. “It was a mistake. An accident.”

“You stabbed her by accident?” Gavin couldn’t quite keep his tone even, too skeptical. Ryan barked out a harsh laugh.

“Nothing so direct, no. That’s simply how humans conceptualized what happened.” He shook his head. “You will come to find, my dear, that there are different versions of that myth all over the world. There may be some truth to them, but rarely are they meant to be taken literal.”

“Do you always talk circles around the point?” Gavin asked irritably.

“My apologies,” Ryan huffed, carding a hand through his hair, a small smile on his lips that twisted into a grimace at his next words. “It is hard for me to talk about this still. I loved – _love –_ you.” Gavin shot him a dark look, and Ryan corrected himself, “Her. The Solar Queen.”

“Then why did you kill her?”

“I didn’t… well. I didn’t mean to, but our intentions rarely matter, do they? Not when the end results in death.”

Gavin’s stomach twisted itself into knots, the words reminding him of Jeremy with a pang. Even as mad as he was at him, Gavin still wished for there to be a reason, some sort of explanation that made it okay. If Jeremy was to be believed, he was trying to save the world, restore balance… no matter what. Did the end justify the means, when it meant Gavin’s death?

Gavin wasn’t certain he agreed with Ryan, because intentions _did_ matter. But he wasn’t ready to forgive Jeremy anytime soon, either.

“What happened?”

Ryan swallowed. “There was… a competition. You and I-” A quick glance at Gavin’s face, and Ryan switched tracks. “The Solar Queen and I. We, well. We got into a lot of arguments, over the smallest of things. It was fun.” Ryan smiled, a small, bittersweet thing. “We argued over how to supply humanity with the necessary energy it would take to move to a new age of technology. We drew up plans, and everything.”

A dark look passed over Ryan’s face, and Gavin couldn’t help but lean forward, fascinated by the tale. It sounded so different to the ones he was used to.

“There was… a wager. Betting on who could get humanity there faster. You – the Solar Queen – created panels of glass that would turn the light of the sun into energy during the day. They were a beautiful, elegant solution, and much cleaner than what I came up with.”

At Gavin’s questioning look, Ryan huffed and explained, “Burning coal and nuclear reactors. Both chunky, ugly things and terrible for the environment in the long run.”

“I don’t understand,” Gavin confessed, brow wrinkling in confusion. “How did this lead to the Solar Queen’s death?”

Ryan slumped in on himself, a haunting image incongruous with the usually proud way the man held himself. Gavin fought the urge to reach for him, to comfort him.

“We didn’t know. None of us had ever died, we thought ourselves far beyond that. But then you fell sick.” Ryan’s voice was filled with pure grief. “We didn’t know what to do. We tried everything we could think of, all of us, but you just kept… wasting away.”

A lump formed in Gavin’s throat, stopping him from protesting being equated with the Solar Queen. Ryan wasn’t even looking at him anymore, knees pulled tight to the chest. He wrapped his arms around them and stared off into the distance.

“It was me. My creations. By the time we figured that out, it was already too late. I had poisoned the sun, and there was no saving her.” A sob broke free from Ryan’s mouth, and he raised a trembling hand as if to muffle it. “There was no saving you. A careless mistake, and I lost the light of my life.”

Tears streamed down his face, shoulders shaking. Gavin raised his hand, hesitated, then dropped it in his lap. He felt helpless, useless. Unsure how to comfort this man, this _stranger_. But then Ryan lifted his head, a tremulous smile on his trembling lips, tear tracks still painted on his cheeks.

"But you're here. You're _alive_ ," he said with so much hope in his voice, reaching out to cup Gavin's cheek, thumb brushing under his eye.

Gavin flinched back.

"But I'm not," he protested, scrambling to bring his feet under him. "Her, I mean. You're mistaken, that is. I'm just-"

"You look exactly the same," Ryan interrupted him, rising to his feet in sync with Gavin. An intent look crossed his face as he stepped forward. "That must be why Jeremy kept you hidden from me. He knew I would recognize you in a single glance."

With each step Ryan came closer, Gavin stumbled a step back.

"But I'm _human_. Mortal." Gavin felt his heart beat rapidly in his chest, eyes wide. "I'm not a goddess or anything."

"But you could be. I can feel it, feel _you_. You've regained some of your power." His eyes glittered, and Gavin stopped. Ryan stepped close, cupping Gavin's cheek, tilting his head back. Their breath mingled.

"I- I don't-" Gavin stuttered, staring up at Ryan. His eyes were so blue, so beautiful, his hand so warm on his cheek. Gavin's breathing hitched. "I don't remember."

"What if you could?" Ryan whispered, his breath hot air across Gavin's skin, his lips. "There has to be a way. And if there isn't, I will make one."

A shiver ran down Gavin's spine. Ryan leaned in intently, their noses brushing.

"Impossible just means no one's done it before. Isn't my domain of inspiration, of invention? And if I can't, there must be a ritual we can adapt, we should ask Jeremy-"

Gavin raised his hands between them, pushing him back. Blood rushed through his ears, drowning out all thoughts but one.

"Like the one he did?" he spat, and Ryan blinked, startled. "The one where I have to _die_ for your beloved Queen to return!?"

Ryan's eyes widened and he flinched back a step. "No- That's not-"

"Wouldn't you sacrifice any human to get her back?" Gavin demanded, following Ryan for every step he backed up. Fury tangled his guts into knots, twisting and squirming. "You want her back, don't you?"

"No! Yes! I mean-"

Gavin stomped forward, hands hitting Ryan's chest to push him back again, but Ryan's hands snapped up, grabbing his wrists. They stared at each other, fury to shock.

"Not like that," Ryan croaked, his thumbs stroking along the inside of Gavin's wrists. "Not- not at risk of losing you."

Gavin's mouth snapped shut. He narrowed his eyes, demanding further explanation. Ryan swallowed, his Adam's apple bobbing in his throat.

"I would rather spend what years remain with you like this, than gamble what little time we have on the faint hope of regaining your memories. This is enough. _You_ are enough."

"Am I? Am I really?" Gavin asked, voice quiet.

Fury unraveled to leave nothing but sadness behind, built of the knowledge that if he shut up, he could have this for however long Ryan insisted on staying blind to the truth. He could have what he'd longed for for so long, a place to belong, a person to love him forever.

It would be a lie, though, bittersweet and false. Gavin raised his head.

"I'm not who you fell in love with," he pointed out, gentling his tone. Ryan's expression still turned stricken, and he opened his mouth with denial on his tongue. Gavin shushed him, pressing a finger to his lips. "I'm not. Whether I lost my memories or never had them to begin with, I'm not the same person anymore. I'm not who you want me to be."

"But you… you could be."

Gavin closed his eyes. "Only if you're willing to risk losing me."

"You can't know that!" Ryan protested immediately, but Gavin shook his head, opening his eyes and walking backwards. "There has to be another way! Please, my love, my dear, give me a chance to-"

"To what?" Gavin interrupted him, coming to a halt on the edge. Ryan's eyes widened and he startled forward, reaching out to catch him. But Gavin held up a hand as if to stop him from doing so. "Transplant her memories into this human shell? Turn me into what you lost?" Ryan started shaking his head, eyes wide. Gavin felt his mouth twist into a frown. “You want _her_ , the love you remember. Not me.”

Movement behind Ryan drew Gavin’s eyes, branches of bushes waving in the dim light as the sun dipped below the horizon, despite the lack of wind. He met Jeremy’s brown eyes squarely, watching his lips form Gavin’s name in silence. Took in his startled look before tearing his gaze away, settling it on Ryan again.

 _This is just a dream_ , he reminded himself.

“You don’t even know what your options are,” Gavin continued, ignoring Ryan’s denial and objections. He let his gaze pointedly flicker over his shoulder and back. “Talk to him. Once you know what you want, we can try this again.”

Gavin waited just long enough for Ryan to start to turn, then he took another step back, over the ledge. Air rushed past his ears as he fell, a sense of vertigo with it. Above him there were panicked shouts, but Gavin simply closed his eyes and concentrated on waking up.

He did.

* * *

Jeremy rushed forward, barely catching Ryan before he leapt after Gavin. Ryan snarled, trying to tug free of his grasp, but Jeremy tightened his grip. Together they watched as Gavin’s form started to shimmer, before disappearing amidst the clouds. With him, the setting sun vanished, flickering out like a candle hit by a gust of wind. Ryan screamed his pain and grief into the darkness, echoed by the rolling grumble of thunder.

“Ryan,” Jeremy tried, tugging on his sleeve, pulling him back from the ledge. “Ryan! It wasn’t real, he’s fine!”

“How do you know!?” Ryan snarled, turning and pushing Jeremy back, pinning him against the fence. He bared his teeth. “What if he isn’t!”

“He wasn’t actually here,” Jeremy explained as he caught his balance. He glanced towards the ledge behind Ryan, but didn’t dare try check. Instead he took a deep breath and directed his attention back to Ryan. “He’s done that before, actually, or so the others tell me. Astral projection, or something similar, we’re not sure.”

Ryan narrowed his eyes, glaring at him, before his expression smoothed out into a more contemplative frown. “Dream projection, more like. He’s usually dreaming when he does it.”

Jeremy shot him a curious look. “Does he usually affect his surroundings?”

Ryan shifted on his feet, glancing back across the once-again dark sky. “...no.” Then he cleared his throat. “I wouldn’t know. He usually only… appeared in my dreams.”

“Oh.” Jeremy’s stomach squirmed, and he averted his eyes. He hadn’t realized Ryan was dreaming of Gavin. Or perhaps he just hadn’t wanted to think about it. Of course he knew Ryan was still grieving - and thus thinking of - Gavin, but…

The pressure on Jeremy’s chest eased as Ryan took a stumbling step backwards, suddenly seeming to realize how close they stood. His expression turned into smooth blankness, and Jeremy met his eyes, his chest seizing. He cleared his throat.

“I didn’t keep this from you to hurt you. On the contrary, I was- I was afraid of hurting you.”

“And what a great job you did,” Ryan snarked, crossing his arms and arching his brow at him. Jeremy huffed.

“Yeah. I fucked up.” He swallowed, crossing his own arms protectively and averting his gaze. “I wasn’t sure if it would work. I literally made it up as I went, there was every chance for it to fail from the word go. I- I didn’t want to give you false hope before I _knew_ I could do it.”

“I understand.” Ryan exhaled sharply. “I’m still mad at you.”

“I know.” Jeremy swallowed, then straightened his spine. “I came to apologize.” He took a deep breath and forced himself to meet Ryan’s eyes. “I’m sorry.”

Ryan held his gaze for several long heartbeats, before closing his eyes, jaw slackening. His arms unfolded, hanging limp at his sides, and his shoulders slumped. He didn’t seem angry anymore - just tired.

“It’s done now,” he whispered, half turning away from Jeremy to stare out across the clouds. Jeremy hesitated, before stepping up next to him.

“The ritual failed, obviously,” he mused aloud, slanting a sideways glance at Ryan before focussing back ahead. “But… maybe not all was lost. You said you can sense him?”

“I do,” Ryan agreed, nodding jerkily. “Did… his presence couldn’t have affected the sky before or I would’ve noticed, wouldn’t I?”

“I assume so,” Jeremy agreed, gaze being drawn back to Ryan almost against his will. He licked his lips. “We can check with the others, they would know. I… spent pretty much the entire last century down there, when I wasn’t up here on business or- or to check on you. I wouldn’t know for certain. But it’s a good sign, I think.”

Ryan grabbed his arm and turned Jeremy to face him. The look on his face was intense. “Is- is there a way for him to regain his memory? Do you know?”

“Not with certainty.” Jeremy grabbed Ryan’s arm in turn as he made to let go of him, squeezing. “But… my theory was that if I could return him to divinity, it would come back to him. If he ascends, he’ll gain awareness over his domains, after all. He should gain awareness of the rest of the pantheon, too, and with that… hopefully his memories.”

Ryan tilted his head down, watching him with that unreadable expression.

“It has to be voluntary, doesn’t it?” His eyes were glittering despite the darkness leaving no light to reflect in them. “We can’t just make him ascend, he has to agree.”

“Yeah,” Jeremy whispered hoarsely, then cleared his throat. “Yes. That’s- that’s why I-”

The words got stuck behind his teeth, but Ryan seemed to understand him nonetheless. He let go of Jeremy’s arm, but didn’t step back, and Jeremy took that small victory for what it was worth.

“I don’t know that he will,” Ryan admitted, head turned away and staring down into the abyss below the clouds. “I’m not sure I can convince him… or if the risks are worth it.”

“I don’t know of any other way. To ascend, he has to shed his mortal shell,” Jeremy tried to explain, the words sounding overly earnest even to his own ears. “There’s a risk that it doesn’t take, of course, there always is- without the risk it wouldn’t be a sacrifice. But-”

“What of ways to return his memories without returning him to the pantheon?” Ryan interjected, hand cutting through the air. “If the goal is not as lofty, surely the price isn’t as high?”

“I mean… maybe?” Jeremy blinked, taken off guard. Then he frowned. “But, Ryan. That would mean- you know how short mortal lives are, compared to ours. He would be dead again in less than a century, and then there would be no other chance. That would be it.”

“So what? I would rather have these decades, then to lose him again!”

“But then you _will_ lose him with certainty!” Jeremy protested, stopping Ryan from pulling away with his grip on Ryan’s arm.

“At least I will have more time,” Ryan snapped back, wrenching his arm away. “That’s more than I would have if he stayed dead!”

“And that’s why I didn’t tell you!” Jeremy shot back, frustration boiling in his stomach even as his chest tightened, making it hard to breathe. “Ryan, it was already a risk turning him into a mortal. If he dies outside a ritual, there is nothing I can do, and then we’re back to where we were just a week ago!”

“I don’t care,” Ryan bit out, pushing Jeremy away. Jeremy staggered a step before finding his balance. “I want all the time I can get before then.”

“The longer we wait, the less likely the ritual is to succeed.” Jeremy reached out and snatched Ryan’s wrist, his nails digging into Ryan’s skin, hoping irrationally that the pain would convince him where logic couldn’t. “What little remains of the Sun’s magic dissipates with each passing year, and it’s a necessary part of the ritual. Ryan, we can’t just wait until he’s old, that’s a sure way to lose him!”

“Then let me have these years!” Ryan clenched his hands into fists. “Let me have at least this, Jeremy, before I have to give him up again.”

“I can’t,” Jeremy croaked, words sticking in his throat.

“Why not?!”

“ _Because I can’t lose_ you _!_ ” Jeremy roared, startling the chickens free-roaming across the meadow. They took a quick flight several paces away, but Jeremy only had eyes for Ryan. “Do you know how hard it was these years, to have this dim hope of making things right, but never be able to tell you? Do you know if I could, I would’ve given my own life for Gavin’s in a heartbeat, if only it made you smile once more?”

Ryan’s eyes widened, his jaw hanging slack. But Jeremy wasn’t done, the dam broken.

“Do you know how hard it was to watch you wither away in your grief? To know that I could maybe do something about it, if only I didn’t rush it? That I had to lie to you, and that you would hate me for that once Gavin was back? And I did it all for you!”

His fingers dug deep enough into Ryan’s wrist to draw blood. He could feel the tantalizing power this close, but he couldn’t let go, couldn’t make himself.

“Jeremy…”

His name on Ryan’s lips was a bittersweet reward he didn’t deserve. Jeremy swallowed and forced himself to continue.

“I know you don’t love me, and that’s okay. I’ve made my peace with it. But that doesn’t make seeing you like this any easier.” He licked his lips. “And I- I can’t go through that again. I can’t watch you shatter into pieces once more because I’m not sure you will make it. Call me selfish, but I can’t.”

“Jeremy,” Ryan murmured, stepping closer, his free hand coming up as if to cup his cheek. “Jeremy, I-”

“Fucking hell, there you are!”

Geoff’s voice echoed across the meadow, and they turned as one to watch him stomp up the path, expression like a thundercloud. Alarmed, Jeremy let go of Ryan’s wrist and wiped the blood on his tunic.

“What happened?”

“What _happened_? What fucking _happened_ is that you both are assholes who cannot fucking control their fucking followers!” Geoff shouted, coming to an abrupt stop ten feet away from them and stemming his fists against his hips. “Or did you fucking _order_ them to attack the Redwood!?”

“They what?” Jeremy startled, and Ryan seemed just as surprised.

“Why would they do that?” he asked, confusion infusing his tone.

“Because that’s where Gavin’s hiding out, of course! Did you dumbasses forget to call off the search?”

“I passed the word along that he’d been found,” Jeremy insisted.

Ryan’s brow furrowed. “I told them to refocus on keeping an eye on any suspicious activity by the Acolytes, instead.”

“Well, fucking whatever!” Geoff yelled, throwing his hands in the air. “Because they _set fire to the Redwood_!”

Jeremy felt the blood drain from his face, exchanging a wild look with an equally pale Ryan.

* * *

Once upon a time there was a majestic redwood tree, who stood above all of the divine creations. Its roots dug into the core of the earth, and its crown was pillowed in the clouds night and day.

Once upon a time there was a majestic redwood tree. The redwood tree was on fire.

“Why is the redwood tree on fire?” asked the God of All Things That Grow the Lady Who Brought Fire To The World.

“How should I know?” said the Lady Who Brought Fire To The World. “I gifted fire to mankind, it is not up to me what they do with it.”

And she gestured to where the fanatic followers of the Dark God and the Blood Mage had gathered at the trunk of the tree. They appeared to be fighting.

Once upon a time there was a majestic redwood tree. The redwood tree was on fire.

It fought back.

* * *

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>   
> 
> 
> _I'm dying to love, I'm dying to live_  
>  _Dying to love, to follow you_  
>  _Dying to love, my life I shall give_  
>  _I am dying to love, to finally live again_
> 
>   
>    
> 


	11. The Other Side

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Solar Queen is dead, long may the Dark God reign!
> 
> OR Gavin has but a moment to work through his feelings before everything goes to shit.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **Chapter-specific warnings** : fire tw, battle & evacuation themes
> 
>  _It flares like a fire again_  
>  _And it's burning my memory_  
>  _And it feels like I'm trembling within my little world_  
>  _I'm shaking on my way to the other side, but I'll be brave_  
>  _And I'm leaving my soul to the enemy just to see you again_  
>  _(And we'll reunite in my subjection)_  
>    
>  \- The Other Side by Beyond the Black

The day darkness embraced the world, the worshippers of the Dark God rejoiced, for they could feel the change in the air and they knew that they had won.

But there were those who did not pray to the Dark God, and in those days they were many: these people were very, very afraid of what should have been a happy occasion to all. They prayed to the other gods, who were inferior to the Dark God in all aspects, and thus they prayed to them for help.

Thus they prayed to the Blood Mage, who is closest to the Dark God in might. And the Blood Mage told them:

“Fear not, my children, for it is I who facilitated the Dark God’s ascension.”

And the Blood Mage said: “I am the Right Hand of the Dark God, who rules these realms.”

Reassured, the Blood Mage’s followers rejoiced, for they too realized what a happy occasion this was. And so they burnt the incense and prayed to both, the Dark God and his right hand, the Blood Mage, from thereon.

But not all were convinced by His words, and still they feared.

Thus they prayed to the Fae Knight, He who stands in opposition to all that the Blood Mage was. And the Fae Knight told them:

“Fear not, my children, for I will fight the evil that is the Blood Mage, and I will fight the evil that the Dark God brings.”

And the Fae Knight said: “Gather, my children, and I will give you the means to defend yourselves.”

And so they did, and the Fae Knight granted them dragons to ride into battle, and he granted them sanctuary high above in the canopy of gigantic trees, where they could rest in between saving those who fled the Dark God’s clutches.

But still there were those who did not believe in the Blood Mage, nor did they take the Fae Knight's offer.

Thus they prayed to the Phoenix, for it is Her flame that keeps us warm. And the Phoenix told them:

“Fear not, my children, for I have no quarrel with the Dark God.”

And the Phoenix said: “What need do you have for the Sun, when all you need I provide?”

And thus the Phoenix granted her most devout access to the eternal flame which warms the earth from within. There, they felt safe and warm and in no need to fear the Dark God and his ilk.

* * *

Gavin woke to a strange room on a strange bed. He blinked up at the colourful lights strung across the ceiling, his mind still caught in the webs of his dreams. He sat up slowly, rubbing the sleep out of his eyes. The bed was raised on flat logs, the mattress filled with leaves and feathers underneath the sheets. Gavin ran a hand over them, trying to remember where he was since this clearly wasn't the temple.

His heart seized in his chest. He might never go back to the temple.

Swallowing as the memories of the last days came back to him - as well as the memories of his dream, which for once remained crystal clear - he looked around. The room he'd slept in was nearly double the size from the small room he'd shared with Jeremy over the years, but that still left it a little cramped in between the furniture. Everything was made of the same kind of wood, and Gavin had a suspicion they were made out of the tree they were placed in.

A low table stood in the center of the room, with five seat cushions strewn around it. In one of those sat Lindsay, head bent over whatever she was holding in her left hand, working on it with the carving knife in her right. As if feeling his gaze in her neck, she looked up and gave him a brilliant smile.

"Good! You're awake!"

She dropped her work on the table, revealing a green… stone? It seemed too flat for a stone. She had clearly been working on it for a while, the edges were smoothed down and the surface held intricate carvings. Gavin slipped off the bed and walked over to sit across from her.

"What is that?" he asked, nodding to indicate the stone.

"This?" Lindsay's smile softened, a mischievous glint entering her eyes. "It's a talisman of protection. I'm nearly done with it."

Gavin blinked, tilting his head. He'd never heard of such charms. His curiosity was piqued. "What's it made of?"

"Shed dragon scale." Lindsay picked up her knife and continued her work. Gavin didn't recognize the symbols she carved into the scale, but he could feel the magic built up around them as she worked. "It's a way to practice fey magic, so I doubt you've seen it before."

"It's pretty," Gavin offered, shrugging one shoulder. Lindsay hummed agreeably.

"There's food on the counter," she mentioned offhandedly, eyes on the carving. Gavin huffed and went to get it, eating in silence while Lindsay continued to work.

With the shock of everything that was revealed settling, and his talk with the Dark God fresh in his mind, Gavin felt ready to tackle that talk once more. He felt calmer if nothing else. And… he still had many questions.

Questions he wanted to ask Jeremy.

But he wasn't ready to face him yet, he didn't think. And besides, Lindsay was right here.

"You have questions," Lindsay stated without looking up from her work. Gavin closed his mouth and nodded. Lindsay rolled her shoulders and cracked her neck, before finally meeting his eyes. "Alright. Shoot."

Too many words fought their way up, so many questions left unanswered, and Gavin didn't know where to start.

"Why…" He licked his dry lips and tried again. "Why didn't you just tell me?"

"For several reasons," Lindsay admitted, then hesitated. Gavin arched a brow to encourage her to continue. Lindsay bit her lip. "You have to understand, we had no idea what we were doing."

Gavin remained silent as Lindsay gathered her thoughts, watching the _scritch scritch scritch_ of the knife.

"Everyone always expects gods to be omniscient," she mused, guiding the knife in tighter and tighter circles. "But… we're not infallible, obviously. We make mistakes all the time. Sometimes they're happy mistakes-"

The knife slipped out of the spiral, cutting a line through the neighbouring symbol.

"Sometimes they can be fixed easily." As she spoke, the slash filled back in until only the perfect spiral remained. "But oftentimes… not."

She met Gavin's eyes across the table.

"We were afraid of messing up. Jeremy, especially, even if he would never admit it." She quirked a smile that invited him into the joke. Gavin dropped his gaze to his clasped hands on the table. "So we tried our best. At first… things were fragile."

"The world had just been remade," Gavin murmured, half-quoting lessons beaten into him by sheer number of repetitions.

"That too I guess." Lindsay shook her head. "It was a chaotic time for sure. But not what I meant." She set the knife down and picked up a rod with a sharpened end, pressing it into the top of the scale. "You were… fragile. We had saved you from what was eating the divinity from inside you. But… you were mortal and still technically dead."

Lindsay took a deep breath and stilled her scraping.

"Jeremy managed to breathe life back into you, with the help of all of us. But… the first few years, it was pretty touch and go. You didn't even wake up until the first decade was over. We thought…" She swallowed, her eyes covered in a suspicious sheen. "We thought we'd lost you for sure when you did."

That startled Gavin. "Why?"

"You weren't yourself. For a while it seemed for all we'd done, we had only managed to save your body… not your soul."

Gavin fell silent. The pain was audible in Lindsay's voice and visible in her face, eyes squinted shut, mouth pulled into a grimace. He'd never seen her like this before.

It wasn't right. Lindsay should always be happy.

"It got better over the years. Jeremy worked his ass off, trying to figure it out, coming up with new rituals to strengthen your body, keep you from aging… securing your soul. The rest of us had to deal with the fallout for mankind. Didn't help that Ryan was being a useless lump."

Gavin frowned, indignant anger on the other's behalf rising in his chest. "He was grieving."

"Well, yeah." Lindsay shrugged. "So were we. Wasn't a walk in the park for any of us, is what I'm trying to say." Her perceptive gaze looked straight through Gavin. "You like him."

Gavin sputtered. "No! No, I don't! What!"

Her eyebrows rose in perfect skepticism. Gavin glanced away, fidgeting with his sleeves. "...I don't even know him."

"Then get to know him," Lindsay nudged him, pulling a string of twine through the hole she'd drilled into the talisman.

"It's not that easy," Gavin murmured, ducking his head to his face. "He doesn't see _me._ He sees… what he lost."

"And you're still hung up on Jeremy."

Gavin shrugged, trying to ignore the pang in his chest. Maybe… maybe it was a little easier, now, to understand why Jeremy did what he did. But…

"I just wish that he told me. That he let me make that choice in the full knowledge of what was happening."

Lindsay hummed, her expression lacking any sort of judgement when he dared a glance up. Gavin fiddled with a loose thread, pulling at it until it came apart. He wished he could do the same with the knot of feelings tied around his lungs, making it hard to breathe.

"It's just… how can I know what was real? If he lied about that what else did he lie about? You know?"

" _Did_ he lie?" Lindsay arched a brow and raised her hands defensively at his look. "Or did he do that thing where he lets you come to your own conclusions by sparse use of the truth and some hints?"

"Does it matter?" Gavin returned bitterly, crossing his arms. "I'm not sure that doesn't make it worse, actually."

"Hmm." Lindsay hummed as she twisted the ends of the twine into a knot and held up the necklace to let the scale rotate in the air. "What do you want, Gavin?"

Gavin bit his lip, hearing the echo of past conversations. He used to know what he was missing, what he wanted. But now his world turned upside down and he wasn't so sure. What did he want? For Jeremy to apologize? How could he trust if he was being sincere?

"What do _you_ want?"

Was there something he wanted for himself?

"I want to know…" he started and trailed off. Lindsay watched him with hooded eyes, not judging, not rushing him. There were so many questions he'd like the answer to, but which were actually important.

After a long moment Lindsay cleared her throat.

"Think about it," Lindsay suggested, leaning across the table to sling the twine over his head. Gavin blinked at her, confused. "It's for you, dummy."

Gavin fumbled for the twine, lifting it to inspect the dangling dragon scale. It was the deep green of a forest, rounded into an elongated diamond shape with smooth edges. And each quadrant was filled with tiny symbols Gavin didn't know how to read, but could feel the magic being redirected in its lines.

A talisman of protection, Lindsay had called it.

He clutched it in his fist and gave Lindsay a watery smile.

"You're forgiven."

Lindsay laughed, the tension draining from her shoulders. "Hey, no! You're supposed to say 'thank you', you dumbass!"

Gavin giggled, and if it sounded a little hiccupy neither of them mentioned it.

"You're just in it for the chaos, innit? I figured you out now, admit it," he accused her instead, neatly switching the topic.

"Hey! A little chaos is the spice of life!" Lindsay returned good naturedly, catching him in a headlock and rubbing her knuckles against his scalp despite his protests. "It'd be pretty boring and stagnant without a little change in scen-"

She was cut off as the door slammed open. In the blink of an eye she stood between Gavin and the door, posture defensive. It took Gavin a second to catch up, but when he leaned around her to see what was going on, it was just Michael standing in the doorway. Gavin relaxed.

Too soon.

"We need to go. Now!"

"What's going on?" Gavin jumped to his feet, stepping up next to Lindsay. Michael glanced at him with a frown.

"Grab your things. We're under attack."

* * *

The canopy was on fire.

People were running all over the place, parents carrying small children, older siblings dragging the younger ones by their hands. All around them the elderly and injured were carried by one or two non-combatants, taking to the platforms to be evacuated. Knights grabbed their helmets and swords with grim-faced determination as they leapt for their dragons and dove into the heat of the battle. In the distance sounded screams, the echo of steel hitting steel, and the roaring of dragons.

It was chaos.

Gavin followed Michael through the rushing crowds as the city in the tree evacuated their homes, leaving all their worldly possessions behind, each heading to their designated landing pads. Gavin caught a glimpse of the wooden boats filled with passengers flying past on the other side of the branches, carried from a cord tied to two dragons away to safety.

Lindsay stuck close to him, plastered to his back. A crackling branch dropped from the canopy, and Lindsay pushed him out of the way before it could hit him. Flames sparked as it hit the deck, starting little fires on the wooden floor. Gavin stopped to stamp them out, even as Lindsay passed him and snatched his wrist, tugging him away.

"We need to hurry," she hissed when he resisted.

"We need to help!" Gavin countered, trying to twist out of her grasp. He'd nearly managed to wiggle out when Michael hauled him back by the other arm.

"We need to get you out," he bit out between clenched teeth. Gavin shook his head, trying to shake Michael loose, too. But Michael's grip just tightened.

"We need to help them!" Gavin repeated, a desperate urge crawling up his throat. He couldn't understand why they were wasting time arguing. Wasn't Michael supposed to be these people's patron deity? Weren't they under _his_ protection? "They're going to die if we don't! Michael, there's children, Michael!"

"They know what to do," Michael countered, a grim expression on his face. "Getting you out is our first priority, so fucking _move_."

"But _Michael_ ," Gavin protested, digging his heels in. But Michael was stronger, dragging him along. "They might die, Michael!"

"Some of them will," Michael returned ruthlessly, and Gavin slackened in surprise. Michael used his moment of shock to drag him up the stairs, Gavin stumbling over the steps. "More of them will die if you stay."

Gavin froze, foot hovering above the last step. Lindsay started pushing him from the back, Michael pulling at his arm. Still, it took him a moment to move again, and then it was to haul Michael around and face him.

"What do you mean," he demanded, voice cracking. "What do you mean by that?"

Michael's frown was unreadable. He grabbed Gavin's shoulder and shook him, once.

"They're after you, idiot. They won't stop trying to get in until they're sure you're not here."

Gavin stared back. A million thoughts raced through his head, the implications-

"They're here for me?" he repeated numbly. What felt like ice filled his veins, crawling through his limbs and mind, leaving him sluggish. This beautiful city… and all its people…

"It's the bloody Acolytes and Hunters, who else would they be here for!?" Michael hauled him up the rest of the stairs, clearly impatient. "The sooner we get you out of here the better."

They came for _him_.

They burned the tree to find _him._

All these people were in danger because of _him_.

Michael and Lindsay led him up to the highest landing platform where Mogar the sky blue dragon was waiting for them. He followed them out in a daze, shock cascading through his entire body. Once outside he could see many dragon-carried barges leaving in all directions, the sky teeming with dragons and their riders. Arrows whizzed through the air, shafts aflame. Several of the dragons ran interference between these and the barges and the redwood.

Gavin stepped up to the railing and looked down. 

The night was lit up by the yellow and orange flicker of flames crawling up the trunk of the tree, like grasping fingers of death. It illuminated the battlefield below where dark robed figures clashed with those in familiar brown and red tunics. Above them a tangle of dragons darted in and out of the fight, dive-bombing archers to scatter them. It was a senseless slaughter.

One Gavin felt utterly helpless to stop.

"We have to do _something_." The words burst out of his chest without looking up to see if it was Michael or Lindsay coming to stand beside him. "They won't just stop because I leave, will they?"

"No," Michael admitted grudgingly, and Gavin saw him cross his arms from the corner of his eyes. "They won't stop until the tree has burnt to the ground."

Gavin swallowed and grasped Michael’s shoulder, turning to face him. “Then I can’t go.”

“Gavin-”

“No.” Gavin shook his head, determination warming his chest. His mind was made up. “They want me? Then we’ll give them what they want.”

“That’s dangerous,” Lindsay pointed out, sounding reasonable, but her grin turned bloodthirsty. “I like it.”

Together, they turned to stare Michael down, one serious, one excited. Michael let out a deep, shuddering sigh which sounded altogether too world-weary.

“I hate you both,” he said, rubbing at his forehead as if to stem the on-coming headache. “Just so you know.”

“At the least, it’ll buy your people more time,” Gavin reasoned. Michael shot him a droll look.

They kept Gavin sandwiched between them, as if to shield him from awry arrows. The descent took time as they circled around and around, until they had reached the dragonriders involved in the combat. Up close, the battlefield looked even worse, the grass trampled and stained with blood, bodies of humans and dragons alike scattered across the meadow. Gavin couldn’t tell which were injured and which were… dead.

Something in him snapped. Wrath rose up through his veins, an anger unlike any he had felt before. All of this was done in the name of retrieving him, like a lost _toy_ , and Gavin was _done._

The cloud of dragons parted for them like a swarm of startled birds, but there was nowhere for them to land amidst the battle. Gavin judged the distance to the ground, perhaps twenty more feet. The clinging of swords clashing resounded across the field, and Gavin steeled his heart. It couldn’t hurt worse than loss and betrayal.

He jumped. It felt like floating, gently drifting to the ground. Not what he imagined falling to feel like at all.

The landing wasn’t even jarring.

All around him, fighters whirled around, then stopped to stare. Gavin eyed their raised swords warily, opening his mouth when he felt it, the strangely familiar darkness his dreams were made of. His jaw snapped shut and his head whipped around, staring unerringly at a spot not ten feet from him.

Shadows swept in a whirlwind in the middle of the battlefield, extinguishing flames in a wide circle. Two figures emerged from the flickering tendrils, walking side by side. They glanced around to take in their surroundings, but made no move to interfere. Instead they moved like ghosts through the fighting combatants, going unnoticed by their worshippers.

Gavin grit his teeth. They didn’t attempt to stop the senseless slaughter.

Fury raged in his chest. Gavin didn't even notice how the crowds parted for him, whispers rising to a dull roar in the ringing silence. Swords clattered to the ground and people fell to their knees at the mere sight of him. But Gavin had no attention to spare for them, glare focussed on the two gods who had sent their armies to get _him_ , who had destroyed the home of these innocents for daring to offer him sanctuary.

He was, literally, ablaze with fury.

Not that he noticed his glowing eyes or the sunlight emitted by his hair, a much brighter blond than it had been before. He didn't see the grass and flowers that strained towards him left in his wake.

He did see the awe flickering over Ryan's face, the shock chased by hope on Jeremy's. Gavin stomped right up to them, ready to give them a piece of his mind, gods or no.

He was startled out, mouth already open to deliver a tongue lashing, by Jeremy flowing into a smooth bow.

"Solar Queen," he said, his greeting echoing across the battlefield, silencing the whispers.

Gavin snapped his mouth shut and scowled at him.

"I'm not-"

A rustle of cloak and he turned to look at the Dark God who knelt before him. Ryan grabbed his hand with trembling fingers and pressed his lips to Gavin's knuckles.

"My queen," he murmured, and yet it echoed across the darkness like thunder for all to hear. "My love."

Gavin stared down at him, eyes trailing from Ryan's face, lit by an unearthly shine, to his own hand and inhaled sharply.

His usually tan skin was glowing golden.

* * *

Outside the sanctuaries granted to the followers of the Phoenix and the Fae Knight, the people were afraid and growing hungry. For without the sun, the fields did not yield and nothing could grow.

So they prayed to the God of All Things That Grow. And the God of All Things That Grow saw their peril, and His soft heart wept for mankind. Thus He went to the Dark God, to plead their case.

“Without the Sun, I cannot make things grow,” said the God of All Things That Grow. “Please, Your Darkness, the humans go hungry and will surely starve.”

“I will aid you in this, God of Growth,” said the Dark God. “Under one condition: you will bend the knee and swear loyalty to me above all.”

“I will do this,” said the God of All Things That Grow, “if you keep your end of the promise.”

And thus the God of All Things That Grow swore His Oath, and the Dark God granted him the wisdom to build a machine which would replace the Sun forever more. And the God of Growth brought these plans to His followers, who wept in gratitude.

And thus the cloches were created.

* * *

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _My hope for resurrection fades away_  
>  _I can't get back what we have missed_  
>  _And what we never did_  
>  _Cause all there is to be needs my reflection_  
>  _(And I see light in my suppression)_  
>    
>  \- The Other Side by Beyond the Black


	12. Unbroken

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Summary: The Solar Queen is dead, long may the Dark God reign!
> 
> OR it is time for one final confrontation. Long may they live!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  _When the past won't fade away_  
>  _Nothing left to win_  
>  _I have all my soul to give_  
>  _I will not give in_  
>    
>  \- Unbroken by Beyond the Black
> 
>   
>    
> 

But there were others still who were not content under the Dark God’s rule. They did not follow the Blood Mage’s example for they had lost too much to sacrifice more, nor did they surrender with the God of Growth for they were too stubborn to give up their ways. They did not find refuge with the Phoenix, goddess of Chaos and Change for they were looking for stability, yet they could not find refuge with the Knight of Fae either for they were not warriors but simple farmers, elders and children.

Thus they turned to the God of Farms and Animals, who was Father to the Solar Queen. And to Him they prayed through the endless nights that settled across the lands like a veil of darkness.

And the God of Farms and Animals heard their plea.

“Fear not, my children, for I have not forgotten who has taken my daughter away from us,” said the God of Farms and Animals.

He told them, “Hide all symbols of the Sun and tell your neighbours to do the same. For soon the Hunters of the Dark God will come to your doors. And you will disavow my daughter to them and keep your own children safe.”

And He said, “Gather those who disdain the Dark God, offer sanctuary to those who flee His rule.”

And He said, “Be patient, my children. Time will come for us to rise, for my daughter will return one day.”

“You are not alone in this fight, my children,” said the God of Farms and Animals. “We will combine efforts with the Knights of Fae, and harbour any refugees who still pray to the Solar Queen. And then we’ll wait.

“This is my verdict.”

* * *

The hush that fell across the meadow felt as oppressive as the humidity within the jungles. Only the crackling of the flames licking up the Redwood tree and the distant sound of fighting could be heard, interspersed with the beats of wings above them. All battle on the ground ceased, everyone turning to watch the two gods approached by a third, glowing brighter than any fire. They stared at each other as the third stalked across the field.

Then the Blood Mage bowed, his words echoing across the clearing. “Solar Queen.”

A murmur rose from the crowd. The Solar Queen had died, but rumours spread that the Dark God had interrupted the Blood Mage mid-ritual to bring her back. Were the rumours true? Had the ritual worked after all? Had the Solar Queen returned?

If the Blood Mage’s greeting caused an uproar, the Dark God’s reaction silenced them in shock: the Dark God fell to his knees before the Solar Queen.

“My queen,” he said for all to hear as he bowed over her hand. “My love.”

Even the wind stilled. The tableau sat frozen, the Dark God’s cloak billowing behind him like a living shadow, his face lit by the Solar Queen’s unearthly glow as he stared up at her. One moment, she lit up the entire field with her glow, the next the light was dimming until only a human man remained, staring down at the Dark God with a knitted brow and pursed lips.

“Call them off,” he commanded, pulling his hand away from the Dark God. He turned to glare at the Blood Mage next. “You, too.”

The Dark God rose smoothly to his feet and waved the nearest Hunter over. They rushed forth, nearly stumbling over their shadowy cloak as they bowed with a hand on their heart, keeping a wary eye on the other two. “Sire?”

“Spread the word to retreat. No one else shall be harmed. That is my will.”

“As you command,” the Hunter said, bowing once more before returning to their comrades, whispering orders. They split up to pass the order to retreat on.

The Blood Mage however hesitated. “What about the fire?”

His cape was blown back with the winds of beating wings as one of the dragons descended. The Acolytes tensed, some nocking their arrows and taking aim, but the beast simply landed next to the Solar Queen. Off its back slid the Knight of Fae, his pink armour glittering in the light of the flames and his diamond sword gleamed.

“My people will take care of it,” he said brusquely, a hand on the hilt of his sword and his eyes wary. “If you will swear to me that nothing happens to Gavin in my absence.”

“I wouldn’t allow it,” the Dark God chimed in immediately, half-stepping in front of the Solar Queen as if to protect him. The Knight of Fae shot him a calculating look.

“Will you,” he asked, dry and sarcastic. “Did you not just try to burn down this very tree he slept in?”

Something flashed across the Dark God’s eyes, his expression darkening. “And I will take the ones responsible to task for their thoughtless actions.”

“For me?” the Solar Queen finally spoke up, and the Dark God turned to him, searching his expression. “Or for those who died senselessly tonight?”

“We didn’t want this, Gavin,” the Blood Mage interjected, stepping forward, only to be stopped by the Knight of Fae drawing his blade and levelling it at him. They stared at each other for an eternal moment, eyes narrowed, before the blade dipped. “We have much to talk about, but you should hurry and ensure the safety of those who yet live.”

“Swear it first,” the Knight insisted. “Swear you won’t hurt him. _Again_.”

“Michael…”

“Jeremy. I’m not playing.” The fire reflected in the Knight’s eyes. “You tried to _kill_ him.”

“He would’ve come back!” Jeremy protested, but Michael shook his head.

“You should have _warned_ him. Explained it to him. Fuck, Jeremy, do you know what else could’ve gone wrong? What if he had second thoughts, or doubts as he realized what was up? What were you thinking!”

Jeremy opened his mouth, closed it again, then shook his head. He looked pale in the fire’s light. “It would have worked. It had to.”

“Well, clearly it didn’t,” Michael huffed, rolling his eyes. “We’ll talk later. Do you swear that you will not take Gavin away from here until I return, and that I will find him unharmed when I do?”

The Blood Mage raised his hands, one gripping a ceremonial knife that hadn’t been there just a second before. Wind billowed his tattered cloak, like streaks of blood against the backdrop of the burning night. The blade reflected the fire’s light as it sliced the Blood Mage’s other palm open. Bright crimson gathered there, glowing unnaturally with vitality and divinity. It flowed across his skin in strange, runic patterns, defying gravity. Then the Blood Mage turned his hand palm down, and a single drop hit the earth.

It was the sound of glass shattering, of tiny bells chiming. The silence rang.

Jeremy swallowed. “I thus swear.”

Neither of them dared to break eye contact first. Michael nodded slowly.

“Good.” He took a deep breath, squaring his shoulders. It was the Knight who spoke next. “I accept.”

From the ground where the Mage’s blood dropped sprung a pink flower, its leaves and blossoms unfurling as it jumped into existence. It shook itself once, scattering a cloud of pink glitter which drifted up to the Blood Mage’s bleeding hand. It settled over the pattern, bright pink mingling with equally bright red. It shimmered before sinking into the skin, colours and light dimming until it vanished entirely.

“Alright.” Michael nodded again, firmly. He turned on his heel without a second glance at Jeremy, stalking back to his dragon. “C’mon Lindsay, let’s go.”

“But I’m enjoying the spectacle!” Lindsay objected, propping her head on her fist and pouting down at Michael from her perch still in the saddle. Michael shot her an exasperated look that couldn't quite hide the underlying fondness.

“It’s fire, Linds. You’re good with fire,” he offered and heaved himself back in the saddle behind her when she made no move to give him space. “You owe me.”

“But-” Lindsay’s bottom lip quivered, her eyes wide as she turned to look at him. “But chaos!”

She threw her arms wide as if to encompass the entire battlefield. Michael rolled his eyes and reached around her for the reigns.

“I’ll owe you?” he suggested instead. She seemed to ponder this, finger tapping against her chin, even as Mogar spread his wings and twisted around itself to get into a better starting position.

“Alright, fine. This once.” She tossed a wink and a wave at Gavin, mouthing ‘good luck’. And then they were taking off, the dragon taking two, three loping steps before leaping up in the air and rising with strong beats of its wings. Gavin stared after them for a long while, struggling with the ball of emotions squirming in his chest, until Jeremy cleared his throat. Then his gaze snapped to the other man almost against his will.

“You heard them,” Jeremy told the nearest Acolytes, who finally lowered their bows. “Sound the retreat. What are you waiting for!?”

“Yes, sir!” the Acolytes saluted, heels snapping together before hurrying off in all directions.

Jeremy watched them leave, then turned to meet Gavin’s narrow-eyed gaze. Gavin looked away first, crossing his arms. His stomach roiled. He wasn’t ready for this confrontation, not yet. But time had run out, and so had his luck.

Gavin flinched when a hand settled on his shoulder, turning to meet Ryan’s worried gaze. His eyes scanned him down and then up, obviously looking for injuries. His hands were gentle as they brushed over Gavin’s arms, lingering at his elbows.

“Are you alright?” he asked softly, and Gavin nodded. He swallowed down the rising queasiness.

“I’m fine,” he assured the god, taking his hands for a short moment and squeezing. Then he dropped them and took a step back. “Not thanks to either of you. What the hell! What were you thinking!?”

“We were worried,” Ryan admitted, exchanging a quick look with Jeremy before his gaze settled steadily on Gavin. “Both of us. So we sent out our people to find you, afraid that something might… happen.”

“There’s a lot of danger in this world. Especially to you-” Jeremy started. Gavin shot him a glare, stopping him short.

“I wouldn’t have been in danger here if it weren’t for _your_ troops!”

Ryan's mouth was a thin line, his brows furrowed, Gavin's own anger reflected back at him.

"I do not know who made that call. They were tasked to observe only." His voice was silky smooth and dripping with danger. "I will find out."

It was a dark promise. For his own sake, Gavin wouldn't have insisted. But the image of people dragging each other out of burning branches that used to be their home was still at the forefront of his mind. He nodded, sharply vicious.

"See that you will."

They stood in awkward silence, staring at each other. Gavin wasn’t sure what to say. It was a relief when Jeremy stepped up to them, his jaw set and his fists clenched at his sides.

“I’m sorry,” he told Gavin, a small smile flitting across his lips. “We meant to figure things out first. Give you some time and space. But when news reached us-” He shrugged one shoulder, gesturing at the tree. “We came as soon as we heard.”

Gavin stemmed his hands on his hips and gave Ryan a significant look. “You talked?”

“We were… interrupted,” Ryan said carefully, eyes flickering to Jeremy and then back to Gavin. “We haven’t agreed on anything yet.”

“The ritual was a greater success than I suspected,” Jeremy murmured, rubbing his chin. “The powers he displayed just now - that’s a lot more than I expected, what with the interruption. That could balance out what energy was lost during the attempt.”

“It’s still a risk,” Ryan didn’t so much ask as state, his head tilted as he waited for confirmation. Jeremy hesitated, rolling his shoulders.

“Yeah,” he agreed, eyeing Ryan warily. “There’s always some risk involved. But-”

"That's a no then," Ryan declared brusquely, crossing his arms and glowering at Jeremy. “I’m not willing to take that risk. You said yourself, there could be other ways to return his memories to him-”

“Ways that _also_ carry risks with them,” Jeremy interrupted, dragging a hand over his bald head in obvious frustration. “Ryan, I understand you’re afraid to lose him again, but the only certainty we have is that if we do nothing, he _will_ die. Of old age, if not before.”

The skin around Ryan’s eyes tightened, even as his glare softened. “Jeremy.” He reached out to clasp Jeremy’s shoulder. “I understand your concerns. I don’t know what will happen. But… if we do this now and it goes wrong, I don’t think I can-” He cut himself off with a sharp inhale and met Jeremy’s gaze. “I can’t, Jeremy. I can’t risk it.”

“The risks only grow worse if we wait,” Jeremy pointed out, shrugging off Ryan’s hand. He spread his arms in a _what can you do_ gesture. “I calculated the odds. Fuck, don’t you think I’ve been over this a thousand times by now, Ryan? I’ve done my best to mitigate the risks! Why do you think it took me this long!?”

“I don’t know!” Ryan snapped, flinging his arm wide. His cloak billowed behind him in a mirror of his agitation. “You didn’t tell me! If you had, maybe I could have helped!”

“Or we wouldn’t be here now!” Jeremy fired back, lips pulling up in a snarl. “Do you even realize what I’ve sacrificed to ensure Gavin’s still with us? He’s mortal! How do you think he’s survived the last decades!”

“Even more reason not to throw it away now!” Ryan hissed, stepping between Jeremy and Gavin, cutting off his line of sight on the other man and turning his back to Gavin, forgotten in the heat of their argument. “You say he’ll die for sure if we leave it alone, yet you’ve found ways to extend his life before! We can still buy time that way until we are certain it’ll work-”

“There’s no certainty, Ryan! Are you even listening to me!?” Jeremy pushed into Ryan’s space and then shoved against his chest, but Ryan stood rooted to the ground, glaring down at him. “Each year that passes, the remnants of power dim! Each year, more of the sun worship dies, rites and faith forgotten! That’s not something we can just fix, Ryan! We’re _running out of time_!”

“Then we will-”

"Enough!"

The shout echoed across the field, and Jeremy and Ryan fell silent, turning in sync to watch him. Gavin took a deep breath.

"It's my choice, innit?"

"The ritual needs voluntary participation, yes," Jeremy agreed, eyeing Gavin carefully.

"Then why," Gavin bit out, crossing his arms less out of defense and more to hug himself. A shiver ran through him. "Why are you trying to convince each other? Isn't it me you need to convince?"

"Gav-" Ryan took a step forward, reaching for him, but Gavin ducked away from the touch.

"No." The word tasted bitter on his tongue. "I'm done. Don’t you care about what _I_ want? You didn’t even ask, not once. You just want your little Solar Queen back. No, don't you dare-"

Ryan's jaw snapped shut, his protests dying on his tongue.

"I know you _think_ you love me. Because I look like her."

"It's not just that," Jeremy interjected, his tone growing sharp. "You _are_ the same. You act the same, you talk the same. _I know you_ , Gav. I've been there, right by your side, for all these years."

He grabbed Gavin’s shoulders and shook him. Gavin stared down at him, eyes wide and mouth hanging open.

“I don’t know what you think a god should be like, but fuck, Gav. You’re still you.”

“I don’t remember, though,” Gavin objected, starting to shake his head, but Jeremy stopped him with a hand on his cheek, turning him to look at him. “There’s- there’s things I can’t do like this. That’s why you want to fix me, innit?”

“Gavin,” Jeremy murmured, and he was so close, Gavin could feel his breath on his neck. His thumb curled under Gavin’s chin, tipping it down. “There’s nothing to fix. Okay? You’re perfect. You’re still the same you, just… just mortal.”

“No memories,” Gavin pointed out, breath getting stuck in his throat. He knew what it was like to be in love, but it wasn’t Ryan his heart yearned for, like they expected from him. His hands came up to rest on Jeremy’s chest, to feel the warmth he radiated. “No powers.”

“You seem to have regained some of them,” Jeremy countered. The grip on Gavin’s shoulder tightened, a dark look flitting across Jeremy’s face before he forced himself to smile. “The ritual worked a little, it seems.”

“Powers I have no control over,” Gavin returned. He swallowed, then decided _fuck it_. He wanted this for too long, had missed the moment before everything went to hell to make good on this. He might as well. “And… I’ve had different experiences as a human. It changes things.”

“It doesn’t have to-” Jeremy started to protest, but Gavin cut him off. He wrapped his arms around Jeremy’s shoulders, one hand snaking up to cup his head and pull him into a kiss. 

A little gasp escaped Jeremy’s mouth as their lips met, and Gavin pressed closer, lips moving desperately. It felt like being hit by lightning, his mouth tingled where it met Jeremy’s, jolts running down his spine, leaving him feeling too hot under the collar. Then Jeremy relaxed and responded, and everything intensified a hundredfold. He tipped his head back, lips moving against Gavin’s, trailing from one corner of his mouth to the other. His fingers brushed along Gavin’s jaw, the other hand clinging to his shoulder. The butterflies in Gavin’s stomach seemed to multiply, swooping as he pressed himself as close to Jeremy as possible.

It seemed an eternity, it seemed like forever.

A shudder ran through Jeremy, and he blinked his eyes open. Gavin could feel him recoiling and let him go with sad resignation. He knew it couldn’t last. Jeremy wasn’t meant for him. Even now he was putting distance between the two of them, and Gavin fought the urge to pull him close again. Instead he let his fingers brush over Jeremy’s shoulders, lingering there with a light touch.

Jeremy paused, mere inches between them, then leaned in once more, brushing a short, lingering kiss to his mouth, gaze soft and calculating at the same time as he pulled back.

Gavin licked his lips, meeting Jeremy’s eyes. “I would have, you know. I would have died for you. If you’d just told me why.”

Jeremy’s eyes widened and his jaw dropped in shock. Gavin bit down a smile and brushed down Jeremy’s chest, fixing his rumpled cloak.

"I was very much in love with you. Did you know? Was that what you were banking on?"

"Gav-" Jeremy swallowed, his Adam's apple bobbing. "I didn't, I swear. I-" His voice broke into a hoarse croak. "I thought- I thought you could forgive me the little white lies, once you remembered. That you would be happy to have Ryan back again."

"You were hoping I would be too busy to be mad for long," Gavin finished for him, throat tight. He took a step back, and Jeremy’s hands dropped to his side, letting him go. He glanced at Ryan, who was watching them with an odd expression, tight and filled with longing and just a bit resigned. Gavin had to look away. Closing his eyes, he took a deep breath, then opened them to meet Jeremy’s, steady and serious. “You owe me an explanation.”

“I do,” Jeremy agreed softly, mouth twisting into a sad smile. He, too, glanced at Ryan, but unlike Gavin he kept staring at him. It was Ryan who averted his gaze first. “Both of you.”

Jeremy stepped several feet away, fists clenched and crossed behind his back. Gavin watched him pace back and forth, the red of his cloak lit by the still crackling fire behind them. It made him look pale in comparison, a blotch of white in the darkness. When Jeremy whirled around, his lips were pressed into a thin, bloodless line.

“When it became clear that Gavin’s condition would deteriorate further I… looked into alternate solutions.” Jeremy avoided looking at Gavin as he explained, his eyes fixed on Ryan instead, whose shoulders hunched at the reminder. “I didn’t find anything in time, obviously. Gavin still died. So I figured… what the hell, right? Might as well try. Couldn’t make it any worse.”

Jeremy glanced up and swallowed. Gavin followed his gaze to the burning Redwood tree. Most of the trunk was engulfed in flames, and he wasn’t sure what, if any of it could be saved. The fire spread fast.

“I threw together a ritual. Everyone helped.” His gaze flicked to Ryan and away again. “It didn’t quite work as I had hoped. I’d managed to remove some of the poison, but… it left you mortal.” This time, he met Gavin’s eyes. Gavin could see his Adam’s apple bobbing as he swallowed. “Anyway. I brought what remained to the sun priestesses. The last remnant of the sun.”

Jeremy laughed, a hoarse, pitiful sound. His hands rose to rub at his forehead, like he was staving off a headache. Gavin bit his lips, fighting the urge to walk up to him. He didn’t dare interrupt this, not before Jeremy got everything off his chest. Afraid they wouldn’t get the chance to talk it out again. Jeremy started pacing again, clearly agitated.

“I hadn’t paid attention to what the humans were doing. It didn’t take them long to decide the lack of sunlight meant that darkness had swallowed the stars. Worship of the Dark God was on the rise, and with it the zealous urge to prove themselves to their new overlord. Ha.”

“They hunted down everyone who dared to so much as mention the Solar Queen,” Ryan murmured, staring at his own feet. He seemed lost in his memories. “I didn’t notice either, not until it was too late.”

“It was a very chaotic time. I sent out my followers to gather every artefact of sun worship they could, under the pretense of helping the Dark God. In truth, I needed every last dredge of sun magic that remained. Every year when the Blood Moon rose, I would gather a trusted few for a similar ritual as the other night, to imbue the ceremonial dagger with those energies.”

Jeremy stopped, turning ninety degrees to face Gavin.

“The hope was to gather a reservoir big enough to return you to divinity. A weak god, maybe, but one with a chance to recover,” Jeremy explained softly. His eyes were sad as he watched Gavin. “But you… you were too weak in mortal form, too. In the beginning, it didn’t seem like you could hold any memories, old or new. I- I was scared that I’d only managed to recreate a semblance of your former self, but that the spark that made you _you_ was already lost.

“I didn’t know if I could fix it.” Jeremy turned his head to meet Ryan’s eyes. “You were still grieving. The wound was too fresh and… and I couldn’t do that to you, to see your love alive and yet lifeless.”

“Jeremy,” Ryan whispered, taking a step forward. Jeremy shook his head emphatically.

“I knew I was taking a chance, but it was all I had. I kept going. I-” He swallowed again. “There were some who put together that Gavin was related to what was happening with the sun worship. There were- there were attempts-”

Gavin tried to meet Jeremy’s eyes, but Jeremy was clearly avoiding him now.

“They tried to kill me,” Gavin concluded quietly, and Jeremy nodded jerkily.

“After that, I made sure no one knew who you were or why you were there. I spread rumours and did my best to isolate you. At first… at first you didn’t even seem to notice the change.”

“That’s why I never had friends,” Gavin murmured to himself, but Jeremy seemed to hear him because he finally met his gaze.

“It wasn’t what I wanted for you, but…” he trailed off and shrugged helplessly. “It was the only way I knew how to keep you safe. Not even the Head Priests knew exactly why you were important, only that you were and keeping you safe was the ultimate priority.” Jeremy swallowed again. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to leave you friendless.”

Gavin frowned because… because that wasn’t quite right. He remembered feeling lonely, sure, but he _did_ have friends.

“I had Lindsay,” he pointed out, holding Jeremy’s gaze, before adding in a fierce tone, “I had _you_.”

Jeremy dropped his eyes and wrapped his arms around his waist. “I know it wasn’t-”

Ryan stepped up next to him, his hand settling on Jeremy’s shoulder, startling Jeremy into looking up. “You did your best.”

“Ryan, I…”

“No.” Ryan shook his shoulder gently. “I… I know I didn’t react favourably when I found out. I apologize for that. You were just trying your best.”

“I hurt you,” Jeremy ground out, sounding almost petulant. “I never meant to hurt you.” From under his lashes, he caught Gavin’s gaze. “Either of you.”

Gavin blew his fringe out of his face, frowning at the ground. “I’m not sure I’m ready to forgive you.”

“I understand.” Jeremy ducked his head. “For what it’s worth? I’m sorry.”

“Yeah.” Gavin swallowed, glancing back over his shoulder. The battlefield was mostly empty, the humans giving the gods in their midst their space. And how weird was that, to think of himself as non-human? “I know.”

The fire was dying down slowly, leaving the Redwood still standing. The canopy for one was illuminated by lamps again, rather than flames licking up the branches. The general din around them was dying down as well, less dragons rushing through the air. Gavin stood at the foot of the gigantic tree and felt small. Who was he, between gods and cataclysmic catastrophes?

The Solar Queen, they called him. Gavin shook his head.

“Gavin?” Ryan called for his attention, and Gavin turned his back on the tree. Ryan had his arm wrapped around Jeremy’s shoulder, pulling him into his side. Gavin couldn’t be sure it wasn’t the firelight reflecting, but Jeremy’s cheeks seemed a bit redder than usual. A smile tugged at his mouth, even as his stomach dropped. Jeremy deserved to be happy.

“Yeah?”

“What do you want to do?”

When Gavin just stared blankly back at him, he huffed and held a hand out for him.

“You said you wanted a choice,” Ryan explained softly. “So, what is it you want?”

Gavin dropped his gaze to the hand reaching for him and swallowed. It’d be easy to grab it, to let himself be drawn into this circle of the one he loved and the one who loved him. Help them work out how Gavin could ascend to divinity and live with them forever, if not happily than at least a chance at a happy ending and centuries to figure it out.

It sounded nice. Gavin bit his lip.

Was that what he wanted?

“I don’t know,” he admitted, lifting one hand to rest on his chest, right above his heart. Right above where Jeremy stabbed him, but no scar remained to tell the tale. “I… I used to know who I was. What I wanted.” He laughed, and the sound came out rough, harsh. “Now I just… I don’t know. I’m sorry.”

“Sorry?” Ryan echoed, his hand faltering, then dropping entirely. He looked so sad, Gavin itched to go back and take his hand. But he couldn’t.

“I can’t come with you,” he pressed out, quick like pulling off a bandaid. “I can’t. If I do, I’ll never know…” He hesitated before meeting Ryan’s soft blue eyes. “I’ll never know if it’s me or the Solar Queen you see.”

“Gavin…”

“No.” Gavin shook his head and took a deep breath before plowing right on. “It’s not that I’m in denial, or what. It’s just… I don’t know who I am anymore, okay? And if I come with you I’ll always be the Solar Queen. But that’s not… that’s not who I am, not anymore, I don’t think.”

Gavin glanced from Ryan to Jeremy, lips pursing. “If for no other reason than _this_ -” He gestured between himself and Jeremy. “-has changed.”

“Gavin.” Jeremy startled, gaze flickering between him and Ryan. “I don’t… I never meant to come between you two.”

“It’s not even…” Gavin trailed off, dragging his palm over his face. He felt tired. “It’s not your fault, Jeremy. Not that one.”

“I agree,” Ryan murmured, tightening his grip on Jeremy. “We’ll figure this out. But...” He mustered Gavin with sharp eyes. “You don’t want to go through with the ritual?”

Gavin shook his head. “I don’t _don’t_ want to- I just… can’t make that choice, not yet. And I think… I think I need to figure myself out first, you know?” He huffed, half-frustrated and half-amused. “I have no idea who I am, or what I want. Before I can even think of what to do with… _this_ -” He waved between the three of them to indicate the mess of feelings and hurt they shared. “-I need to know what _this_ is.”

He tapped his nails against his chest, meeting first Ryan’s, then Jeremy’s eyes.

“So no, I’m not coming with you. I need to go my own way, first.”

“Alone?” Jeremy asked, visibly alarmed. Ryan looked less than pleased, too.

“You can’t come with,” Gavin pointed out, trying to keep the tremor out of his voice. “That would defeat the purpose.”

“Still, we could- we could send a guard with you. Or something.”

“No.” Gavin crossed his arms, glaring at them.

As if he knew the turn their talk had taken, the heavy beats of wings announced Michael’s return. He landed behind Gavin, blowing strands of grass and leaves every which way. Mogar settled down even as Michael hopped off, eyes scanning Gavin as if to make sure he remained uninjured. Gavin returned the favour, before letting his eyes wander back over Mogar. It was only Michael and his dragon who joined them, however.

“Where’s Lindsay?” Gavin asked curiously. Michael made a vague, wavey gesture over his shoulder.

“Playing with fire.” He seemed unconcerned though, gaze pinned on Jeremy and Ryan. “So. What’s up?”

“I’m leaving,” Gavin told him, ignoring Jeremy and Ryan’s protests. Michael stared at him for a long moment, then nodded.

“Alright. Where to?”

“I don’t know,” Gavin admitted, shrugging one shoulder. He shot Jeremy a wry smile. “I want to see the world, I guess. I only have memories of the temple.”

“I’m sorry,” Jeremy repeated warily, shoulders slumping.

Ryan narrowed his eyes and turned to Michael. “You’re going with him?” Gavin opened his mouth, but it snapped shut under Ryan’s searing glare. “You’re not going alone. It’s dangerous.”

Gavin hesitated, but… they had a point. He nodded slowly. “Alright. But just Michael.”

“And we get to check in on you every now and then,” Jeremy stipulated, finger raised. “Just so we know if anything changed.”

Gavin tilted his head and took Jeremy in. His tone was that of command, but his body language was shifting, nervous. Worried. It made Gavin smile.

“Alright,” he agreed, smile quirking into a mischievous grin as he added, “you may make things up to me-” He pointed at Jeremy, then flicked his finger in Ryan’s direction. “-or take time to get to know me. I want to be courted with all the bells and whistles, you know.”

“Done,” Ryan agreed quickly. He snapped his fingers and a velvet cushion appeared in his hand. He hesitated for a moment, then knelt before Gavin. “Will you take this as a sign of our agreement?”

Gavin reached out and traced the emerald set in a golden ring. “You can track this, can’t you?”

“Yes,” Ryan admitted. Jeremy peered over his shoulder and sucked in a startled breath.

“You should take it,” he said, his voice hushed. A glance up at Gavin revealed the rapid calculations whirring through his eyes. “It’s got a strong reservoir of sun magic. It might help you regain more of your powers. Or at least assure you don’t lose them.”

“It’s protective magic, innit?” Gavin murmured, his vision tunneling on the ring. Something about it… it seemed familiar. His eyes flickered up to meet Ryan’s. “I... gave this to you?”

It started out more of a statement, but ended on a question as Gavin second-guessed the niggling feeling in the back of his mind. But Ryan’s blue eyes lit up and he looked much younger, much lighter like that. Gavin’s breathing hitched.

 _Beautiful_.

“Yes.”

Gavin picked the ring up carefully, turning it in his fingers. The metal felt warm on his skin, familiar. Reassuring. He slipped it onto a finger.

“Alright.” He looked up at Jeremy and Ryan, taking them in. “This isn't a goodbye.”

Jeremy nodded. “We'll see you soon.”

* * *

“Where to?” asked the loyal Knight.

“The sky,” answered the Sun with all Her brilliant benevolence.

And the Knight and His dragon carried the Sun across the sky for the first time in almost a century. Where they travelled, Her light shone on Her people, and they flocked to the streets, laughing and shouting, dancing with strangers for they knew the time for change had come.

For a hundred years, darkness eclipsed the lands.

But on the hundredth day of the hundredth year, the Sun returned.

* * *

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And that's it! ~~There's a couple miscellaneous ficlets I want to share, and possibly a Gavin-centric sequel if there's enough interest. I have no idea when those will be up yet, so make sure to subscribe to the series!~~ The only snippet I'm posting is up now, but with the recent upheaval, I've decided to let this story rest. I'm having a hard time even thinking about the relationship developement now, and the sequel wouldn't work without it. Thank you for everyone who encouraged and supported me though <3 sorry I couldn't deliver, given circumstances.
> 
> Thank you to everyone who read, left kudos, reblogged, tagged, otherwise shared, commented and/or sent me encouraging messages. It's thanks to all of you that I managed to finish this <3 Special thanks to CaptainKaysno, GanglyLimbs, Caliope7, Kahnah, ShadeofAzmeinya, Azeran, ArtlessComedic, winksnblinks, Kiuda, trixielestrange, ilovelilies, BiZaRePistachio and DailyDay!

**Author's Note:**

> I would love to hear your theories about what's going on and what will happen next!
> 
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